[sprklejumpropequeen]

I ended therapy with T2 on Thursday. I was talking about T1 and calling him a narcissist, and T2 said, "Oh, and you think you're not?" Like WTF. He's just now divulging that I'm a narcissist? If he really felt that way, why did he hold back till then? Was he pissed that I was quitting? It stung like a sharp slap on the face.

I eventually told him it was too triggering with the sexual questions and that seeing a woman might help more. I told him his office location and drive there was too triggering (down the block from T1). I know I was being short with him and a *****, but he was so nonchalant about me quitting. I only stayed for half an hour. I feel guilty and especially because I referred to therapy with him as "torture." It's like we both gave up.

I left crying and then drove by T1's OLD original vacant office with all the beautiful trees. And then I cried in the parking lot and smoked a bowl. I'd never smoked in that lot, only in his new place. On the elevator up to T2's, I'd always see T1's old lot and the treetops and I just felt compelled to see it again after 4 years. Brought me back memories of when I first started and how naive I was, when things were still new.

I might go see a woman but in a way I felt like I was leaving therapy goodbye that day. It's been nothing but negative experiences, and I definitely feel like it's my fault, and that I'm a treatment resistant client. T2 even listened to my two hour recording of that "session" between me, T1, and his girlfriend. He did a lot and now I feel like I owe him an apology, but what could I even say?

[missbella]

Your accounts have been therapists-behaving-badly. It's-not-your-fault.
Think I read somewhere something about abuse survivors more likely to be abused in therapy, like the therapists' worst impulses can be activated by the clients' narratives. I blamed myself for my exploitation. Now, from a distant perspective it's check one: Is therapy 1) Helping my life 2) Its own drama?

[Salmon77]

I don't think you owe this guy an apology. And I don't think you should decide you're treatment-resistant based on these two Ts who IMO have both treated you badly and sound like incompetent jerks. Therapy has been a failure for you so far but it's not because of something wrong with you, it's something wrong with the therapy you've received up to now.

I think it's worth at least trying a female therapist.

[fille_folle]

He sounds like an *****. Probably some countertransference going on. And even if you are treatment resistant, which I have no idea if you are or aren't, you still deserve to be helped. Not mocked.

[kecanoe]

I also don't think you owe this guy an apology. There is no excuse for a T to say "And you think you're not?" It is mean and belittling.

I don't believe that therapy is for everyone, but that is not because some are treatment resistant. There are people for whom therapy makes things worse, and also a lot of people for whom therapy makes things worse for a long time until they get better. The thing is, it is hard to know if that will be you.

You could try a woman-I do find that the sex of the T makes a difference for me, along with other attributes. But whether or not that is useful, whether or not you even decide to do it-you still deserve to be treated with respect.