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#1
Oct 21, 2007, 09:41 AM
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Its strange, the last break from T in August for 5weeks seemed easier then this one week starting today. I felt so depressed and desperate and needed to go away quitely to be allowed to feel the pain.
I was writing and crying and trying to understand why this pain! what is it! and I wrote all the obvious stuff about missing T, wanting her, loving her. Then it dawned on me, I am missing the way she cares about me, the way I feel when Im with her. Its like when she's gone, I lose that bit of myself. I remembered in that moment that I can do that for me, I can have that part of me. All I have to do is remember how I feel when I'm with her and feel like that NOW! Treat myself how she treats me. Be quite with myself, give myself a treat, and know inside that there is someone in this world that has cared for me. If I never saw her again, I will ALWAYS have the memory of what we did have. Its the silly things I do that remind me of the me I am when with her, the listening to opera, the reading, the walking slow the thinking slow the not letting the little things bother me, the knowing no matter what anyone else thinks of me, I know I'm ok. These are the things that remind me of T!
__________________
Here is the test to find whether your mission on earth is finished. If you're alive, it isn't. ~Richard Bach |
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#2
Oct 21, 2007, 10:39 AM
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Mouse,
I wonder if our Ts will ever know how much they change our lives? It sounds like yours has really helped you a lot! 
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#3
Oct 21, 2007, 12:46 PM
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Nice insight, sounds a bit like thou might protest too much though. I wasn't very successful in suddenly feeling comforted and/or strong or like I was okay no matter what I learned, if my T was away and I "wanted" her. I did have things happen with my insights though so that I'd get more anxious for her to come back because I had neat things to tell her (rather than missing her so much, just wishing she'd hurry back) an improvement in perception that made an improvement in feeling too. I guess what I accent in thinking about T (missing her vs. having neat things I want to tell her and being impatient for her return) and anything else I'm having difficulty with may make a difference.
__________________
"Never give a sword to a man who can't dance." ~Confucius |
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#4
Oct 21, 2007, 01:40 PM
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I never tell T neat things. This is solely for me, I am much slowed down now and doing household chores feelings content and at peace.
__________________
Here is the test to find whether your mission on earth is finished. If you're alive, it isn't. ~Richard Bach |
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#5
Oct 21, 2007, 07:11 PM
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Mouse,
It sounds like you have internalized T in some beautiful ways. I remember telling T that all I wanted to do was stay home and vacuum.....I really get that thing you said about household chores.
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