Couch 159: Aemilia, a Couch on the Asteroid Belt

(((Daisy))))

Today my T said we did a good bit of work it has been years since he said that. He also spoke to the part who was dismissive of him and wanting to kill people and said he didnt want the part to go away and reassred it that it still would have a job. That was jusr weird because my whole body went quite hot and tense then a bit 'swirly' then numb. I dont understand any of this

I made it to class on Monday morning for the first time this term - yay?

Hugs bcm... this stuff can be very confusing

Daisy - glad to hear from you, I hope things ease up for you soon...

Deprest reindeer

((((Daisy))))

(((JD)))

morning couchies, that was so hilarious i wish i could have filmed it, but i am sitting in my office and just happened to look out the door at the exact moment Rascal (the big white/orange cat) walked past the christmas tree and Penelope (the little) jumped out of the tree and almost landed on him. Pine needles and ornaments went flying it was so funny!!! what a way to start my day!

I've sad tears in my eyes tonight... My partner reminded me yet again that he loves my smile and laugh.

Growing up, I was regularly told my smile is ugly and my laugh is hideous. My abuser brother would sometime hurt me to wipe the smile off my face or clamp his hand over my mouth if I laughed...

In the family house, I try not to laugh because I can get scolded for being loud or told my laugh sounds ugly and crazy.

If i were you i would be holding your partners words close to my heart like a shield. I am glad you have someone in real life who truly appreciates your excellent qualites. Its a pity they are soooo far away physically

I have 5 days to finish my assessment and so far have only defined the terms and i have not constructed an argument, i just feel so unmotivated. I enjoy the course but the assessment seems so big. I think i maybe getting deprseed.

((Daisy)))
I also teach (certified Special Ed. and General Ed.). I'm glad your Principal was supportive. Can you delegate some of your responsibilities to the new teacher until she takes the lead? Feel free to PM.

When you are asked to talk about yourself as a child, like when T says tell me about that 7 year old BCM? do you talk about them in the first or third person?

I think I'm mostly OK with MC again after today's session (will write up in IST later). He listened to my concerns/fears/complaints and actually seemed to take responsibility for some things (including fuzzy, shifting boundaries), was very reassuring to me, seemed worried we weren’t going to come back and expressed his desire to keep working with us if we were willing, etc. It felt like he'd reflected about things since last week (particularly the awful phone call last Sunday). He also (very reluctantly) gave actual parameters as to what was OK for outside contact (15-20 minutes worth per week, on average, but that's not a set limit, it really depends), so that was helpful. Sure, I was confused by some of his explanations of things, and it's not like things are all fixed. But overall, I just feel better about things...which is good because we're not seeing him again until Jan. 3 due to his vacation/timing of holidays, and I didn't want to leave on an awkward note...

Hi Couch Folk - Monday night and coping ok. So glad the day is done and the big fake out kind of over for ten to twelve hours.

Love the kitties and Xmas tree story, Artie! Made me smile for real for the first time today.

to BCM: I talk about my little self in the third person in session, but when I am by myself, I talk to her as if she were/is in here listening.

to LT: good to hear things went ok, better today with your MC.

I used the first or second person. Probably second the most. I don't recall using the third person

I have done some research and now feel i can formulate an argument. I need a better note taking system butbthis works, i think i am procrastinating now.

A celebrity death has never hit me this hard.

I see the substitute therapist for the first time tomorrow. I'm a bit unnerved because she knows things about me that I hide from most people and I've never even met her. I have no idea what my therapist told her other than that he told my story "with compassion". I think I'll ask her what he told her. Other than that, I've no clue what we'll talk about.

Third person. My child parts have nicknames.

Same

T must be mad with me... I'm feeling awful

Thanks searching, lemoncake and demunie i realised after i was talking in the third person but t never said anything. I am not sure who i was talking about anyway.

Demunie i dont think your t is mad with you.

I don't think your t is mad at you either.

LT, I don't want to hijack the In Session thread too much, so I'm putting this here. I know MC seems to think there is value in working through the transference and having a different ending, but I have to say that I can't imagine doing that in front of my spouse. I'm going through a similar process now with my T, in terms of reworking messages and dynamics from my parents. I think of it more in terms of attachment rather than transference (which I know is not exactly the same thing), but the feelings are remarkably similar. It has taken my T and me to some deep, intense, personal places.

I love my wife more than anybody on Earth and we have a great relationship, but I cannot imagine trying to do this in front of her. When I feel really raw and young, I can't/don't talk about it with her until I have processed what happened and am in a more adult frame of mind. She is a person I feel like I can share anything with, but the attachment stuff is so primal that I can only share it when I'm ready (and honestly sometimes I don't/can't share what's going on in my therapy, which is obviously fine with her too). I think my goal is a better, stronger sense of self that I can share with her in our life together, but I don't want or need her to have a front row seat to my developmental process because it's complicated and sometimes I feel ashamed that I'm still working through it. So I don't know how you can "share" MC with your H and still try to do the transference stuff on the side. That seems like it would be difficult to nearly impossible.

Ugh I seem to have caught a stomach bug... might as well set up camp in the restroom at work today, can't seem to stay out of there! Give me a laptop and I'll be good to go haha

Be aware: when you work through transference there is no guarantee that you WILL get a different ending.

Ugh, I'm sorry Art. Are you able to just go home? Hope you feel better soon!