Do you want your therapist to acknowledge you in public?

When we began therapy, T told me that s/he couldn't acknowledge me in public unless I acknowledged them. The explanation was that confidentiality and privacy were of concern for the client in this situation. Since then, T acknowledged me in church by saying hello and nodding to me. So, I'm not sure what the boundaries are in our therapy now. However, I voted I wanted my T to acknowledge me in public. Being a life-long advocate of combining mind and body as the whole of a person, I don't understand the stigma of being in therapy. People see therapists for the bereavement of a lost pet, so if anyone asks, tell them that.

I'm not as clueless about the stigma as I sound. Most of the time, it's the T who makes the rules about public acknowledgment.

I think it was my post that prompted the question. I found out Friday that T1 was attending a event that I was also attending. Back story is that after years of seeing T1, H got a job that includes a house in a small town, very near to where T1 has an office. We live in a town of about 1400-so definitely small town. And then recently T1 moved from a nearby small town to his family farm, which is technically in our small town as well. So really, it was just a matter of time. At the session, I told T1 that it was ok for him to say hi to me. As it turned out...

We were walking in, and T1 was walking in at the same time. So we (H and I) said hi, and T1 offered to shake hands-he always shakes hand at the beginning and end of a session. So, we shook hands. And then we stood in line together, waiting to pay.

The event was a Turkish dinner, put on by the immigrant owners of a small cafe. The cafe serves standard American fare, but they decided to do this Turkish meal. H and I love all sorts of food, and you don't get that much in the cornfields of Illinois.

So, we chatted in line, and then, of course, we were seated at the table next to T1. Right? There were maybe 15 tables in the place. I was just kind of shaking my head internally over the whole thing. T1 introduced us to his sister and friend and we sat down. Somehow, it wasn't terribly awkward. I just kept telling myself to think/act like he was an acquaintance.

One of the cafe owners got all dressed up and was singing and dancing. She was moving around the (small) room, interacting as she was singing. Of course, some people got out phones and were videoing her, and she said that whoever got the best video would win a free lunch. T1 pulls out his phone and starts videoing. The singer sat next to T1's sister and sang to her a bit, then moved over to me. And T1 got it all on video. I bet he was thinking "oh crap", but to stop videoing would have been weird. So there's that.

All in all, it was probably a good thing. Now I know what to expect if (when) I see him in public again.

I am glad that we had talked about it before it happened. And glad that we spoke. It would have been really uncomfortable if we had not spoken at all.

My T is so very "normal" and kind of laid back that I bet she would just greet like normal people who know each other. Which I think is fine.

T and I discussed this from the beginning. Should we encounter one another in public, she will not acknowledge me unless I say something first. It makes sense to me since there are privacy and confidentiality laws in this state. It also alleviates both of us from being obligated to recognizing each other out of context. I know I have a hard time recognizing people outside of the normal situation that I typically deal with them. It's unlikely we'll run into each other, but you never know. It could happen. I'm not sure yet what I'll do. It will depend on who I'm with at the time.

This topic came up years ago on this forum and other forums. Most people did not want the therapist to acknowledge them and so many stated ethics required the client makes the first move. It is interesting to see views changing. I then discussed with my therapist at that time that she was to never ignore me in public and she agreed she wouldn't. A poster mentioned that therapist could not remember personal preference so they need to follow ethics. I disagree it's an ethical issue.

I saw my therapist often at concerts I attended with friends and her with her family. I asked her to come find me at intermission and she did a few times. She met some of my friends and was able to match faces with names. At another venue, I sat with her family and she did not have an issue with it. I was doing attachment therapy. Today, I would never intrude like that.
I am not shy about telling people I am in therapy.

My t and I see each other frequently outside of the office. It really depends on the situation on how much we interact. We will always mutually acknowledge each other and say hi and move on. I am friends with his wife, so he has said if he sees me and his wife chatting he would always stay away and let us interact. He has also engaged in chatty type conversation while at a dance event that both our daughter's participate in.