[AllHeart]

How often does your t refer to you by name?
Do you like or dislike it? Why?
What does being called your name by your t do for you?

Just curious. I have been seeing my t for about 10 months now. I have yet to hear her say my name. This bothers me greatly and I'm not convinced she even knows it. I envision my file folder being labeled as "C-211."

I like to call people by their name on occasion, t included. Names are important. Former t's called me by name once in a while and it made me feel respected and heard. I think it produced feelings of safety and trust. I don't know. I just know that I don't want to "bare my soul" to someone I'm not convinced knows my name.

[zoiecat]

Personally I hate being called by my name I don't like my name and my childhood experiences doesn't make that any better. My therapist only uses my first name when he thinks I've really gone off the deep end dissociating. He does use my full name occasionally when he's referring to issues pertaining to my parts; speaking of me as the whole person including all of my parts.

I guess it would be rather disturbing though if you feel your therapist doesn't even know your name.

[zoiecat]

Personally I hate being called by my name I don't like my name and my childhood experiences didn't make that any better. My therapist only uses my first name when he thinks I've really gone off the deep end dissociating. He does use my full name occasionally when he's referring to issues pertaining to my parts; speaking of me as the whole person including all of my parts.

I guess it would be rather disturbing though if you feel your therapist doesn't even know your name.

[atisketatasket]

They’ve all used my name, some more than others. Sometimes it’s to make sure I’m focused and not dissociated. Other times it seems like it’s meant for emphasis: “I want, ATAT, to remind you that...”

In the latter instance it can feel a little manipulative, mainly because it isn’t necessary to use my name when I am the only other person in the room, but also because we do respond more positively to people using our names in conversation.

[mindwrench]

I don't currently see a T, but when I was they didn't use my name much if at all that I recall. When anybody I talk to says my name other than in the initial greeting, it causes some kind of involuntary response within me. The short version less than the full version of my name, but I'm expecting an explanation or something profound to happen if someone says my full first name. If I really like someone that says it, then I find it conveys additional meaning.

[stopdog]

The first one used it all the time - either so she could remind herself who was across from her or because she was trying to manipulate me in some way. I thought it was stupid. There were two of us in the room - I knew which one was me. I never used her name at an appointment. Not once. If she did not know who she was - it was not my problem. I did not find the use of my name to make anything meaningful. It did not make me feel like the therapist was listening or that I was important or special or anything. I figured she had it written down on her notepad - It is not like the use of it meant she knew it.

[AllHeart]

I do agree that name over usage or when emphasized can have a negative effect as well. But, geezis...just once. I just want to hear my t say my name one flippin' time. Ya know?

[MessyD]

Mine uses it once a while, usually when he tries to emphasize something. I like it when he does, not sure why, but I understand you would want to hear it sometimes, so you know you're not just a 4 o'clock appointment to her or something like that.

When I worked with guests in service, they wanted us to learn their name and use it, so they would feel more special or important, so there is some meaning in that.

[MessyD]

Mine uses it once a while, usually when he tries to emphasize something. I like it when he does, not sure why, but I understand you would want to hear it sometimes, so you know you're not just a 4 o'clock appointment to her or something like that.

When I worked with guests in service, they wanted us to learn their name and use it, so they would feel more special or important, so there is some meaning in that.

[ruh roh]

I have several names, and my therapist does use them. It's not cut and dried as to who is in the room, and using the right names is helpful.

Mine uses my name when she greets me in the waiting room but never during sessions.

[ScarletPimpernel]

I don't think my T uses my name when we're in session. I don't use hers. But we do always address each other by name in emails or answering the phone. I'd find it odd if she addressed me by name in session. Like who else is there besides us.

[velcro003]

Originally Posted by AllHeart

How often does your t refer to you by name?
Do you like or dislike it? Why?
What does being called your name by your t do for you?
.

My T uses my name when she wants to grab my attention/state that something she saying is important. Usually she uses it when I am down deeeeppp into depression and she is trying to bring me up out of the fog. It usually works.

I guess I don't like or dislike it, it just is.

[Myrto]

I have no issue with real people in my life using my name. I have noticed I also use people's names often (unconsciously) but when it comes to therapists, it always sounds manipulative. I think it's because I find the therapeutic relationship highly artificial so any attempt to make it appear less so is suspicious to me. For instance my ex therapist (I stayed with her for two and a half years) only used my name in session when she was frustrated with me or when she wanted to disprove something I had said (Yes (my name) I do care about you). In texts she always made a point to use my name as in "hello (my name) the next session will be at 8 am". It was obvious it was some technique to help me "bond" to her or something. So I asked her to stop using my name in session. With my last therapist (4 months) she never used my name, not even once (to the point where I wondered: "does she even know what my name is?"). But since we were the only two persons in the room it was obvious she was talking to me so there was actually no need to say my name. I will add that I have never used any of my therapist's name either. It would have been way too weird.

[Teddy Bear]

My T greets me by name. So I feel she pays attention

[Pennster]

My therapist and I use each other's names all the time. I like it - I feel very comfortable with him.

[LostOnTheTrail]

As far as I can tell, R uses my name for emphasis....and sometimes to bring me back into the room. It's probably also about maintaining connection between us.

[OldTaylor]

I can't recall ever not being known by or to another person--especially while seeing trained professionals. If I have an appointment to see a t it's reasonable for me to conclude that that t has prepared to see me and that includes realizing my name and the various issues pertaining to my visit. While sex may or may not play a minor or major role in it, it's still a professional relationship designed help me be a better me which might include changing my name. I need to communicate with someone else right now. I have seen a t or two.

[OldTaylor]

Originally Posted by AllHeart

How often does your t refer to you by name?
Do you like or dislike it? Why?
What does being called your name by your t do for you?

Just curious. I have been seeing my t for about 10 months now. I have yet to hear her say my name. This bothers me greatly and I'm not convinced she even knows it. I envision my file folder being labeled as "C-211."

I like to call people by their name on occasion, t included. Names are important. Former t's called me by name once in a while and it made me feel respected and heard. I think it produced feelings of safety and trust. I don't know. I just know that I don't want to "bare my soul" to someone I'm not convinced knows my name.

In propria persona "t"s refer to me by name (often first name) upon arrival. I like it because it typifies a proper mode of therapuetic interaction. Hearing my name during a therapy session is mostly reassuring and often invigorating. Trust. To not be certain a "t" is aware of my name would speak to me of distance, not close enough to me, or time, this is going to be a long term process. It might also speak of my inattention, my not staying in the moment, the hear and now. I'd write something here.

She uses my name at least once per session. Which I like. I also appreciate that whenever I have occasion to call her (not very often) she always answers the phone "hi, art". It's her cell# and she's probably still got me in there as a contact from when we did phone sessions a couple years or so back, but it still gives me warm fuzzies lol

[OldTaylor]

Originally Posted by Myrto

I have no issue with real people in my life using my name. I have noticed I also use people's names often (unconsciously) but when it comes to therapists, it always sounds manipulative. I think it's because I find the therapeutic relationship highly artificial so any attempt to make it appear less so is suspicious to me. For instance my ex therapist (I stayed with her for two and a half years) only used my name in session when she was frustrated with me or when she wanted to disprove something I had said (Yes (my name) I do care about you). In texts she always made a point to use my name as in "hello (my name) the next session will be at 8 am". It was obvious it was some technique to help me "bond" to her or something. So I asked her to stop using my name in session. With my last therapist (4 months) she never used my name, not even once (to the point where I wondered: "does she even know what my name is?"). But since we were the only two persons in the room it was obvious she was talking to me so there was actually no need to say my name. I will add that I have never used any of my therapist's name either. It would have been way too weird.

Ideally a patient or client's history of therapy follows from therapist to therapist, just as a history of patient or client's x-rays or surgeries follow from technician to technician or surgeon to surgeon, and so on. It's all a part of the intake process. The just and proper use of other's names is a social skill and medical necessity. To my taste a therapist not skilled in the use of my name leaves more to desire than one not skilled. Some children would never call their parents by name and ohers know no other way. The basic order of name use in medicine is protcol and skill unlike in law where it is strict protocol. Out of respect I might place your name aka here but wont so as not to offend. A name goes to the core of a person being a part of his or her history from the beginning. Trust. Names and relationships with authority. How often did my teacher call my name? Did I like that? And coaches, how often did they call my name? How often has a crowed screamed or booed my name? What's in a name?

[OldTaylor]

Originally Posted by Teddy Bear

My T greets me by name. So I feel she pays attention

Trust. I feel sad, hungry, and frustrated at times, but I think about attention, and therapist's therapies after 30 + years.

[OldTaylor]

Originally Posted by AllHeart

I do agree that name over usage or when emphasized can have a negative effect as well. But, geezis...just once. I just want to hear my t say my name one flippin' time. Ya know?

If the use of my name is used as an index of closeness, sure. Being close to my "t" might improve my outcome AllHeart. Just once in a while or as needed.

[lucozader]

I'm not actually sure what my answer to this is. I can't remember. I think he says it when he comes to greet me at the door. Maybe he says it at other times too? I think I'd like him to say my name sometimes.

I think T(wat) said it when he was angry with me. I don't know if I'm imagining that.

I do remember him saying "BREATHE, (Luc)" once, quite aggressively. I suppose it was intended to ground me. It actually made it harder for me to breathe.

[OldTaylor]

Originally Posted by lucozader

I'm not actually sure what my answer to this is. I can't remember. I think he says it when he comes to greet me at the door. Maybe he says it at other times too? I think I'd like him to say my name sometimes.

I think T(wat) said it when he was angry with me. I don't know if I'm imagining that.

I do remember him saying "BREATHE, (Luc)" once, quite aggressively. I suppose it was intended to ground me. It actually made it harder for me to breathe.

Possibly to show support. As a child my full name meant deep trouble. I most often heard and responded to a shorter version of my name. Most T's (and people) use inflections that I'm familiar with. The "t's" I've worked with rarely, if ever, were so pressed to use negative inflections in the place of influence.