Just a job

So Monday T and I are going to discuss whether I'm just a job to her. I'm scared. I was able to get through her not loving me because she said her feelings for me are similar to mine (cares and is willing to make sacrifices). But what if I am just her job? Then she'll leave me when she retires. I don't want her to ever leave me! So I want to be more than just her job.

Sounds like the logical part knows that this is your ts job but the little part of you wants more and is crying out for security and attachment safety. She is also afraid of being abandoned. What do you need from your t for this conversation to be safe for you?

Maybe the question shouldn’t be “am I just a job?” but “am I a job you enjoy, are dedicated to, love working at/with?” “Just a job” implies the opposite. Like it’s some sort of soul-sucking pursuit of money or survival and nothing else.

I kind of think you know the answer to the second question already.

To some of my therapists I have been just a job. To others I have not.

I have always invested most of my interest, energy and affection into my work and jobs, naturally. So, if someone identified with being a coworker or in other ways part of my work, that wold likely mean more attention than anywhere else, from me. I love my work and I am part of it, too.

I empathize. I really like my pdoc, but he's with an agency that only treats people until 23. That's in a little over 2 years for me. (I've been seeing my pdoc for a little over 4 years now) Also, I don't know if I'll ever find a pdoc like him again - as in, someone who is willing to talk to me every week, appointments of an hour, does way more than medication management (also more counseling like stuff - I'd call it therapy, but he keeps insisting he's not a therapist, so I'll stick to calling it counseling (he says "I'm not a therapist" in "I'm not a therapy expert" way, not in the "Stop coming to me with non-med-related stuff" kind of way)) stuff like that. But not just practical stuff like that - he also always takes me seriously without pathologizing (e.g. I say: I've been extra sad this week. Some pdocs would say: your depression is getting worse. He says: that sucks, but it's not very unusual with everything that's been going on, your grandparents did just die). Takes my worries seriously even if they are psychotic. Also calls my worries ridiculous (well, not in so many words) when they are ridiculous and not psychotic. I get to make all the decisions - well, I can't just demand I want a lobotomy of course, but for example in restarting medications (which to restart first?), upping (within reason of course) and lowering dosages, stuff like that.
Don't think I'll ever find someone like him again.

JUST a job makes it sound like its fir no reason but a paycheck. But, if she loves her profession, you being a cliwnt might not be as bad as it seems.

The t-client relationship is a difficult one, and if you are the type to get attached like me, youd love your t to be your friend and become that after therapy, or you long for therapy to never end.

But, in a way, we need to fill that void ourselves. I dont know how to either, and on Monday, I will confess to my T how bad my attachment is and what it does to me. I hope your session goes well and whatever your T tells you is something you can work with without just constantly fearing her leaving.

Hugs.

good for you for bringing it up and talking about it!

I have struggled with this question a lot. If my T retires or moves away, I want very much for her to remain in contact with me. She has said I'm not just her job when I bring it up. I hope that your T will tell you that too. But like others have said, even being "just" her job isn't necessarily a bad thing. Most people care very much about their jobs, especially when they are in the caring professions. Good luck on Monday and I hope you get an answer that satisfies you.

When there was talk about me going to a pdoc closer to home (in the same building as my T), my pdoc said he'd be willing to consult, remain available in the background, and see me occasionally if that were to happen. But I don't know if that'll also be so if I don't fill into the age brackets he treats anymore.

Exactly!!! I don't know what I need from my T for the conversation to be safe. I can't ask her for anything more than she already does. The "extra" I might want are boundaries for her. So I make do with what she does do for me (which is a lot).

That's kind of what I want to know. If I stopped paying her, would she leave me completely? I know if I stopped paying her, she'd stop therapy with me. But would that be the end of our relationship?

A previous T let me stay in contact with her for 10 years after we terminated. My counselor from the board and care I lived at is still in contact with me... it's been 16 years.

I do believe many therapist are of the opinion that what they do is, “just a job.” IMHO that kind of thinking goes for any job and the various people that claim those titles/positions. Every once in a while I have found people that love what they are doing and would do it well if they did not have to earn a living. In addition, the once that have affected me have an innate sense of knowing how to connect with people. Even with difficult people like me. Those are the kinds of therapist that have entered my life these past few years and have brought me along in my healing journey, a journey I never thought was possible. I suspect you have found one of those few therapist that know how to make and keep that connection even though it is in the course of doing “her job.” You, SP have come far in a short time with her and one day you will see it clearly like we do. The hope is that her caring now will become an internal part of you that can be called upon in not so good times, but in good times too.

I don't avoid the hard subjects with my T. Unless it's a boundary of hers (i.e. personal information), we talk about everything. And I really want to know where I stand in our relationship.

My T just brought that up this week. When H had a heart attack?, I called T twice. She didn't pick up because it was Sunday. Sunday night came about, and I called her up again, but this time I told her not to call me back, that everything was okay, and that I'd email her. In her email response, she told me I did a great job coping with my emotions without cutting and without her. I made it through an extremely difficult situation all on my own without having a breakdown. On top of that, I went grocery shopping all on my own...in the middle of the day when there were tons of people! I have been doing a lot better with this T.

Saw T today. I'm not just her job! We talked about it, and my real question is if she's going to leave me when she retires. She said she's not going to cut off all contact with me. She said we can't be friends, and I won't be able to depend on her like I do now, but she won't leave me. I asked her if we could ever go get coffee or something so I can still see her every once in a while. She said that's way too far in the future to know how she feels about that. But at least T's not going to leave me!!!