Would your T accept food from you?

Mine would eat it if it's not something she's allergic to. She can't handle chocolate or alcohol (sux to be her), but would eat other things. Sometimes my students will bake something for me, and I love it. I'm usually too busy working to cook for myself, so it's a real treat. If one of my disrespectful jerk students ever made me something and gave it to me with a smirk, I'd would not eat it and would consider testing it for contaminants.

Other people's therapists can hug them from across the room. Mine can slap me from across the room. He's got mad skillz.

That's a really unique and sweet (literally) idea!

I don't give my T gifts in general (just my own decision) but if I had to guess I think my T would happily accept homemade food. I would avoid bringing something like peanut butter cookies, since peanuts is a common allergy. But then again, I'm a terrible baker, so I'd just avoid bringing anything that wasn't store bought!

My father is an amateur beekeeper. I saw her on her birthday once (2016 I think) and I brought her a pot of homemade honey with a ribbon tied around it. She accepted it, said it was sweet. (Sort of funny, I saw her in the afternoon and that was the first thing she'd gotten from anyone that day, including her H and kids)

I don't remember if there's been anything else.. when we had sessions at my home I offered her cookies from the tin, but they were storebought, and tea, lemonade, stuff like that - a popsicle once because I wanted a popsicle.

And I brought a piece of cake once when I saw T on my own birthday. Also storebought.

I brought some homemade kombucha on my second or third appointment and shared it with her so she could experience the pow kick of live kombucha, which makes the store bought kind taste like nothing. She drank it and loved it.

I don't think my T would accept food from me. I believe that if I would offer food he would decline but would want to talk about why I have the need to feed him. Don't I think my payment in money wasn't enough? I would find it weird to offer him food anyway. Like, do I think that he is not capable of buying food himself?

I would also find it weird if he would offer food to me. In this case I would most certainly start analysing his behaviour - does he believe that he is not "feeding" me enough with his words and thus feels that he needs to do it additionally in concrete terms?

I personally would not see a therapist for whom giving and accepting food (even if it is just a cup of tea) is acceptable without question - to me it demonstrates a lack of self reflection abilities.

Freud said, "Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar."

I have never believed me hiring a therapist was feeding me in any sense of the word.

Sure, but by reading this forum I've got the impression that there are many therapists who think that cigar is basically always a cigar and fail to recognise it as anything else. I believe that I'm able to spot these kinds of therapists and I'm planning to stay away from them. When I go to therapy then I'm really not looking for a friend and feeding each other seems to be more of an act that friends would do.

That's ok, everyone is going to therapy for their own purposes. I definitely need feeding but not literally with food.

This is interesting for me to think about in a subjective, personal way. I have no clue what the Ts would have thought about food, but I also never would want to give food to them. I paid them enough money already and if I ever had the desire to give them something else, it would most likely be a small symbolic gift, like some kind of inexpensive art or a book. I also almost never give food to anyone unless it's an invitation to eat out or if eating together with good friends in my home. Obviously none applies to Ts

But the interesting bit this question reminded me of is is relevant to therapy stuff. My mom had a serious issue with expressing her love and care in the form of feeding people that caused me a lot of long-standing problems and abuse as a young kid. I really grew to hate it by the time I was 10 because it made me overweight as a child, which led to a lot of bullying from other kids about my weight, and later many years of a complicated eating disorder that was not easy to overcome at all (I did by my mid-20's) on my own. I don't have those issues now, but still feel a cringe internally when I experience similar behavior to my mom's from someone, somewhere in my mind I guess I still don't have a perfectly healthy relationship with the whole thing even if it's only thoughts and feelings at this point. So no desire to express my gratitude in that way at all; I actually need to force myself even to participate in things involving food in formal social events, like celebrations with work colleagues and such - I always leave it to others to organize them and prefer to pay for it rather than providing food.

I agree about no need or desire to feed a therapist - I consider the fee to be more than enough. Too much even -but it is what the market bears.

I'd be curious if Freud would take food from his clients. I thought I heard he ate meals with some of them. I do know that he accepted gifts because the famous couch and Persian rug was a thank you gift from his patient named Madame Benvenisti.

Now, I'm feeling the bookmark (Persian rug style) and the bundt cake I am buying my therapist seems so paltry.

A long, long time ago, when I was very new to therapy, I baked a cranberry walnut bread for her, and brought it to a session. I had to say what it meant to me to give her something, etc., before she would accept it.

I saw my he therapist yesterday and we spent sometime reading on this thread and this forum. I was flummoxed by some of the responses. Having seen starving children played a part in how I let this affect me. I've shared this sight with her before and she said upfront yesterday, she is not sure how she feels about PC. She too is bemused when therapist refuse gifts from simple gifts from clients and especially food. Nevertheless, my therapist was very helpful to me.

I went to the shop to pick up the cake and gift, but the gift shop had these wonderful animal mugs, so I got her one and the Persian rug bookmark. I also bought cute little in all cards for each gift. She is an animal lover and simply adores cats. I am petrified of them. She loved her gifts and accepted each one like the giddy office women or old ladies opening their secret Santa gifts in the Olive Garden. She made my heart smile.

A few weeks ago I gave her a bag of apples and they were quickly devoured. I did not know she loved apples when I chose them. That was my second gift to her. The first was a coaster from my travels.

I will see her one more time this year, then I will be away until May, so I took the rest of the session to tell her what I got from meeting with her these last 4 months, which is a lot. She in turn shared her thought on my journey. We ran over time and when we exited all her suite mates (other therapist) were waiting for her to go to xmas lunch. I smiled at them and said, "She's all yours ladies." In the past I would have felt embarrassment or possibly shame because it was my fault they had to wait and also because im not paying her proper fee. I felt good and still feel the effects of our wonderful time together, even though my fee boils down to less tha $13/hr.

Have given her some homemade muffins, she took them and seemed very grateful.

I've given pumpkin bread to a t and we ate it together. I also accepted fudge from one of my clients the other day.

Side note: I read food as blood.

My T won't even take a cup of coffee or a soda when she comes over

I gave then-T a bag of home-grown walnuts once. She's a bit of a health nut (or maybe nut nut) and she was saying she liked walnuts, but didn't like them when you bought them pre-peeled. As our two walnut trees produce way more walnuts than we ever eat, I brought a bag for her.

Also, when I had intensive EMDR (4-4,5 hours a day for 1 or 2 weeks, that I would spend inpatient) during the first session we took a short break midway and she offered me some pecan nuts. Next day I brought something for us to share, the day after she did, etc. It was nice.

Years ago I made her a cranberry walnut bread, which she graciously accepted.

I don't even think I can buy her a cheap but good cup of coffee. :/ I know she's a coffee lover and have seen her have cups for herself. I bought her some special Christmas blend from Norway during my trip to see my partner, but I don't know if she'll even accept.