[MRT6211]

With every therapist I’ve had, I’ve had a certain level of attachment and transference with them. Transference in the sense that I start to see them as kind of like my mom and I just want them to take care of me/in a weird way want them to just adopt me or something idk. Not in a sexual way at all. I know it’s illogical. I’ve yet to have a therapist that’s even old enough to be my mom. But I guess they just have cared for me in a way that no one else has.

For awhile, I was keeping my current T at a distance because I didn’t want this to happen again, because my last T hurt me very, very bad and used what I opened up to her about against me. But recently I realized how unhelpful that is in making progress and opened up to her a lot. Now I’m scared because I’m feeling attached/clingy to her again. She’s been so, so great in helping me and showing she cares about me recently. I want her to protect me from everything bad in life, but I know that she can’t. And I’m afraid she’ll change and hurt me like last T did. I don’t want to feel attached or dependent on her.

Anyway, I feel like a freak. I hope I’m not the only person that feels this way about their T.

[Elio]

Not at all the only person.

I felt hurt by my T by how I took something that was said. We've sorted it out and for the most I'd say I'm past it. I use the 'for the most' phrasing because if I was to be completely honest, I am still on guard for that next hurt. In my case, I know she didn't mean to hurt me, that she is not the type of person that would purposely hurt another person. One of my many issues ... lead me to be on guard once hurt by someone.