Cliff Notes version of my story for those of you not familiar: I terminated with my long term therapist back in September for a lot of reasons. I've seen two different therapists since then. One I only saw twice because she was generally inept and offended the senses. The second one is okay, but I don't know that she's actually helping me with anything, plus there are going to be scheduling difficulties coming up.

I'm leaning toward trying to find someone new in 2018, but I'm generally discouraged. With RoboT it was so easy; we clicked instantly and I feel like I was simultaneously challenged and supported by him. For those of you who have a good working relationship with your therapist, how many crap ones did you work with before you found yours? How long did the process take? There is hope, right?

[DP_2017]

first try, i got lucky

[CharlieStarDust]

I tried a couple of counselors - who were rather useless. I only had a few sessions with each. When I decided to look for a Phd, I was lucky and connected with the first one I saw. Good luck in your search!

[toomanycats]

After a traumatizing termination with my exT, I checked out about 6 therapists and then settled in with one for a good 4 months. He got me through those 4 months -- the crisis period, I'd say -- and then I felt I needed to find someone who met my more specific needs. I emailed around to various practices explaining that I was looking to work on attachment issues and that I needed out of office contact. One practice emailed back and gave me my current T's name. I started seeing him (had a really really good, positive termination with my interim T), and it wasn't easy.... I wanted to run away a LOT in the first 2.5-3 months.... this is now month 4 and, only now am I beginning to really know that I found the right fit for me for sure.

I'd been looking for help it seems most of my life. Didn't know but to get it. The T I've been with for last years was luck.
People I saw before her I had no clue whether they were good or not. I had no real knowledge of what therapy should be like.
I know now. And the ones before this T were jokers.

[stopdog]

Interviewed over 30 of those people and stuck with the two I found least objectionable and despicable. I would not say either was the right therapist - just not as much of the wrong therapist as others were. The second was decidedly better than the first in terms of me dealing with them.

[ElectricManatee]

I have had maybe 8-9 therapists. I have seen three therapists longer term (a couple of years each). One was decent and the other two were great. Of the great ones, I felt a connection with one almost instantly and kept the strong connection the whole time we worked together (until I moved away). The other great one (the one I see now) I felt was highly skilled and helpful all along but didn't feel much of an emotional connection until fairly recently. The rest I saw for a range from one to maybe a dozen sessions, and they were all pretty forgettable.

I think it's okay to keep looking, especially if you don't feel like you're getting what you need. With my two great therapists, they were great for different reasons and helped with different things in different ways (they are extremely different people!). But the key is that I felt like the sessions were worth my time and energy. With the forgettable batch, I liked some of them and wanted it to work, but ultimately didn't take very much away from our time together. And I think it only takes a handful of sessions to know that the "fit" isn't quite there.

15 years/ seven tries

[ChickenNoodleSoup]

I tried two for very short times (one/two sessions). The third is the one I stuck with. If you want to count all tries together, even though I wasn't actively searching all the time, it would be 10 years. If you only count recent attempts, it would be 6 months, first I went to one for two sessions, then I argued with myself for 6 months, then tried the next one.

[elisewin]

I saw very shortly 2 crap ones and then I got lucky and found a perfect one. I knew after the first session that I want to work with her. So it took few months.

[Fernwehxx]

In the past, I didn't look much and went with the people I got assigned. Some were quite alright to good, other, well, I just didn't click with.

This time, I got super lucky and found an awesome therapist at the first try.

[RaineD]

It takes time, but there is hope. You found a therapist you clicked with once. You can do it again!

For me, I saw five other therapists before landing my current one. Three of those were from years ago. I tried two different ones in the weeks before I started seeing current one. Aside from my current therapist, I've never seen any therapist for more than 3-4 sessions.

But I'm not even sure if my current therapist is the "right" one. He's definitely right as far as chemistry and rapport are concerned (very important elements, as you know), but I'm starting to accept the fact that his type of therapy just doesn't work for me.

[Argonautomobile]

I stuck with the first one I saw. I wouldn't say we clicked instantly - it took time. I hope the search goes well for you.

[Victoria'smom]

3 years! and still haven't found a match. To be fair I've only tried 4 t's.

[Lemoncake]

First: I saw for 6 sessions. I don't feel like we actually covered anything.

Second: Introductory session only- "Why are you here?" I said I would get back to her but I knew we wouldn't click.

Third: R. He was kind. So far he's "the one". Right now we work well together. I think I'll know when it's time to move on.

Still looking 6 later sand seven years later. It takes time and patience

[healinginprogress]

I've seen about 7 or 8 for a few sessions over the past 10 years. I found my current T a little over two years ago, and it still took a little time to really figure out that she was a good fit.

[coolibrarian]

Originally Posted by DP_2017

first try, i got lucky

Same here. My then-doctor recommended her to me, and, except for a 15 month break, I've been seeing her since 1989.

[LonesomeTonight]

This is a good question for me...because I think I may have stayed 6 years with the wrong therapist (ex-T). Because current T seems like a better fit for me, at least in this point in my life. I have tried other T's in the past, with mixed results. There was one I saw for 2-3 sessions while dealing with intense anxiety in pregnancy who was like, "Make a vision board! Start attending religious services of some kind!" (She wasn't pushing a particular religion on me, to clarify, as she was Jewish, and I'm not--she was suggesting Unitarian Universalism or something like that). But I knew she wasn't right for me... There were also a few I saw in the past (like 10-15 years ago) for a year or more, who helped me enough, but probably weren't the "right" one.

So it's hard to answer this...Then again, if I think about the number of profiles I looked at on Psychology Today and was like, "NOPE!" the number is quite high...

I think the thing is, it can be difficult to tell who is a good fit until you hit on that person, like you seemed to do with RoboT. In my case, I kept thinking the problem was me with ex-T...like she's a well-regarded, experienced T, so if she's not really helping me, maybe that's more that I'm not doing well enough. I now realize that I think the fit just wasn't right... And I thought I wanted an individual T more like MC, but I now realize that wouldn't have been good for me either (whether him or someone like him). I think seeing a male T *is* the right choice for me (I've seen both genders in the past), it was just a matter of picking the right one...

And I think it makes total sense to see who else is out there...I would say you have nothing to lose, but, well, I guess money and time...but better than wasting all of that on a T who isn't right for you. Good luck!

Thanks for the feedback and your experiences, everyone! It definitely helps you know that I'm not the only person that has struggled through this.

Originally Posted by daisydid

Cliff Notes version of my story for those of you not familiar: I terminated with my long term therapist back in September for a lot of reasons. I've seen two different therapists since then. One I only saw twice because she was generally inept and offended the senses. The second one is okay, but I don't know that she's actually helping me with anything, plus there are going to be scheduling difficulties coming up.

I'm leaning toward trying to find someone new in 2018, but I'm generally discouraged. With RoboT it was so easy; we clicked instantly and I feel like I was simultaneously challenged and supported by him. For those of you who have a good working relationship with your therapist, how many crap ones did you work with before you found yours? How long did the process take? There is hope, right?

First try got the right therapist for 5 years. 10 years after that I needed a therapist again but had different insurance. Tried two. The first was genuinely without empathy, the second was just too young for me, the age of my kid. I decided to pay out of pocket and return to my first therapist. Thank God!

[fille_folle]

I got lucky the first time with longtime (12 years) T. I think my parents got a referral from my pediatric practice (I was 16). I felt an instant connection to her.

Current T, I also got lucky with, but in a different way. We didn't connect right away - and are still working on establishing a connection (been seeing her since the end of October, 15 sessions). I think it's partially that I've had trouble divulging my secrets and being unable to open myself up enough emotionally to connect (or spending so much time dissociating in session that she can't reach me). We are starting to have our moments, though. Although we are still working to connect emotionally, I do feel that she has shown herself to be a nonjudgemental and trustworthy person with helpful insights. I feel she is a good fit for me even though we don't have the instant chemistry that I had with my longtime T. I found her on psych today by filtering my search to target my primary issue, then looking at the profiles and personal websites of the resulting list of therapists. I know that I'm more comfortable talking to someone who is my senior by at least 15 years. I also prefer people with a lot of experience (current T has over 30 years, longtime T had maybe 15 when we first started). So I kept those requirements in mind when searching for my current T. Our first meeting was hard, and I think it was particularly stressful because it's impossible not to compare her to longtime T. That first session was a bit of a shock to my system because I'd become accustomed to operating with the benefit of strong rapport. However, instead of despairing because I didn't feel an instant connection, I stuck it out in hopes that things would improve. And they have, slowly but surely. I think in time, I will be able to feel a quality connection to my current T. I guess I'm saying that hope isn't lost, but it's also important to not expect/demand an instant connection. Those don't always happen, and it doesn't mean a T isn't a good fit.

[Miswimmy1]

Originally Posted by daisydid

I'm leaning toward trying to find someone new in 2018, but I'm generally discouraged. With RoboT it was so easy; we clicked instantly and I feel like I was simultaneously challenged and supported by him. For those of you who have a good working relationship with your therapist, how many crap ones did you work with before you found yours? How long did the process take? There is hope, right?

I'm sorry that you're having trouble finding a new T! It's a frustrating process and can take a lot of time. Don't give up!

I had a similar situation. I found my first T almost immediately and it was a connection right off the bat. When we terminated, I saw six other therapists (over the course of three years) before I found the one I have now. There were some periods between that I would go months without even interviewing a person, because it was so hard for me to open myself up again to someone new, knowing that I would most likely be disappointed again.

However, the guy that I found now is amazing. I'm so glad that I kept persisting and he is definitely worth the wait. My suggestion is to hold out until you find the right person. I know it can seem like that person just doesn't exist, but there is going to be someone out there with whom you connect. You just haven't found them yet. In the meantime, try to surround yourself with other types of support systems - friends, family, etc. And of course, all of us at PC are here too!