Phone Number

So I was casually googling my therapist. Not a big deal, I like to google most people I know when I’m bored (you find out interesting and sometimes funny things). But I clicked on one of those people searchers websites and the first thing that popped up under her picture was her phone number. The area code was right so I think it’s actually her personal phone number. Knowing that I saw that makes me like a crazy stalker. Have any of you done this?

If it was on the website, that has nothing to do with you.

If you feel an impulse, maybe not entirely consciously, to use that information to try to contact her or something, that sounds like a "stalking" kind of impulse but in no way is that stalking NOW. The phone number might even be wrong and/or out of date. Curiosity is not the same thing as stalking.

Hi,
I wanted to share with you what my T said when I confessed to combing the web for her and finding something a local organization posted about her and her family, and finding where she lives (and what she paid for the house) on a real estate site (home and family and money--I felt I was really stomping on some sacred ground). I felt ashamed, stalker-ish... I don't remember clearly how I got up the nerve to tell her because I remember being ashamed and feeling like a mega-creep. Anyway, and I was so pleasantly surprised. She said that it made complete sense that I would have looked for her online and that I'd be curious about those details. She said that I know only the tiniest bit about me and what we're doing is so important--why wouldn't I try to find out all I can, and just generally be curious. Anyway, she was just really sweet and comforting to me about this and made me feel like I did something any thinking, feeling person would do--like it actually spoke well for me to have done that. I feel like such a toxic prick so much of the time that this meant everything to me. I can't say that I don't feel uneasy about having done that, as I feel uneasy about everything I do and have ever done (long story). But.. well... if what she said applies to me, then it applies to you too.

I google my pdoc from time to time. I read a rather interesting article written by him (publicized before I met him) and a while ago a note on my facility's website about how they rarely use the seclusion room anymore (I quote: "at most once or twice a year"). As for my T - only ever found an announcement about a training she was going to give. (A few weeks later she asked if she could interview me to bring up my case in the training, actually. I said, 'oh, training x and y? I read on the internet you were going to teach that')

I'm a big believer in "If you don't want certain people to know certain things, don't put them on the internet for everyone to see".

From what I've read on PC, therapists and/or pdocs can be very shaming (or claim the eternal "You crossed my boundaries! Bad doggy!") if you enter their name into the search engine. Which I think is sort of weird because any other medical professional would find it completely logical you look them up.

I had an experience much like what Crookedspin describes. I have found probably almost everything there is to find about my T online. She knows and does not care a bit. She thinks that I do things for a reason and she is often curious about why I do them, but she doesn't think I'm a creepy stalker (even when I feel like one). I think it helps to separate thoughts from actions. If you aren't going to do anything illegal or threatening with the information, then you really haven't crossed any lines.

I say search away. It's all public info. But, if you are planning to taunt her with the knowledge that would not be good. When I told my ex therapist I found stuff on her and her family online I shared it with. She told me to keep her informed. My standby therapist doesn't care either. I've shared what I've found about her. We both think the term cyberstalking can cause a person to feel worse about themself. It's very misleading.

Yes, this is pretty much how my ex-T responded when I told her I'd googled her and found a couple minor things (like photo of her H--who used to work in the office with her, so, if I'd seen her while he was still there, I'd have known what he looked like...). Apparently she'd basically been stalked by a client in the past, so this made her nervous. But at that point, she'd known me for like 5 years--you'd think she'd know I wasn't going to randomly show up at her house!

Marriage counselor immediately forgave me when I said I'd found his wife's Facebook page (mostly locked down). He asked me what exactly I'd seen, confirming that it wasn't her sister's page with updates about her. But he also asked me to stop looking around, at least with stuff related to her. I'd already known (not from Googling--long story) that she was chronically ill. She passed away a couple months after that Googling, so I think he was trying to keep me from learning exactly how sick she was...I only found out about her death from Googling, but that was because of a last-minute cancellation and ex-T seeming really sad when I mentioned it to her--then I just searched her name, and her obit was the first thing that came up. MC was not thrilled that we'd found that out, as he hadn't planned to tell any of his clients about her death (I don't think most knew she was even sick). But I think he eventually understood.

I mentioned some of this to current T during our first session, and he said, "Oh, I just assume my clients Google me." I said, "Oh good, because I already did!" He said he Googled the guy who cut down some trees on his property, that it just makes sense to check people out. He also writes a column about a sport he plays and mentioned that in his CV on his professional website, so I felt OK looking at that because. I haven't specifically mentioned to him that I've looked at it, but I'm sure he'd be fine with it. (I mean, if he doesn't want clients to look at it, then don't mention it on the site of your therapy practice!) I think he has the most realistic philosophy on client Googling--probably not coincidentally, he's also the youngest of the three (though only 5 years younger than MC).

A lot of people don't seem to realize that the internet is a public place.

If you run around naked on the street or are arrested while setting fire to the shop's Christmas tree, and T walks by and sees that, you'd expect him to mention it during the next session and you probably wouldn't be offended he did so. But if your T sees that on Facebook, people are suddenly offended? I don't understand that. If you don't want the T to see your Facebook, either adjust your settings so he can't (I don't have Facebook, but I think it's possible to do that) or cancel your Facebook page or don't put those things on Facebook.

I do believe however that if the T says "Hey, I ran across a post on Facebook about you setting a Chrismas tree on fire" or "Hey, I noticed you running around the marketplace naked last night.. you alright?" and the client says "Back off" or "I don't want to talk about it (right now)", the T should.
If he's worried about the safety or the client or those around him or the safety of innocent Christmas trees, he can say "I'm worried about you. I'd really like it if you'd talk to me about this to reassure me. Otherwise I might have to call for an assessment." (By 'assessment' I mean when they call someone who will evaluate whether you need to be hospitalized against your will)

I think I'm digressing.. I think this thread was about clients looking up the T. But it goes both ways, I think, although the T has more of a right to pry than the client - but both have the right to peruse the internet. And if you don't want something to be read by everyone with WiFi, don't put it on the internet.

I have my T numbers, that is how I can text her when needed.

Looking for a new therapist, the first thing I do after checking to make sure they take my insurance, is google them to see what information I can find. That just seems natural to me--I'm making a big choice with my time and money, anything that helps me suss them out is useful. I think in their business they should keep their social identities locked down and open only to whatever chosen internet "friends" they have. That's what I do. If there's stuff important to me I can't find, like whether they have children, I just ask at the first visit.

It's true there's stuff on the internet you can't help like your address and property value, but there's nothing to do about that except to try to ignore it.

Personally, I don't think searching your T on the internet is a big deal. I know that it feels weird, especially if you end up finding stuff like the value of their house, etc. but if it's in the public domain, and knowing that stuff isn't going to interfere in the work you're doing in therapy, I don't see the problem. I almost see knowing something about your T as evening out the playing field a bit - they know all about you and you don't know anything about them (I don't know about you, but I'm genuinely curious about my T).

The one thing that I have noticed though (that is problematic) when people find information about their T online is when it leads the client to compare themselves to the T. For example, I've read posts in which people have begun to feel badly about their own living situation after discovering that their T lives in a wealthy neighborhood in a home which the client couldn't afford. Comparisons like that may be worth mentioning in session, because it could be a representation of a larger issue to work on in therapy.

Finding the number by googling: not stalker-ish.

Using that number to check and see if T is home, calling and hanging up, calling repeatedly after being asked not to, calling and talking to other family members: all stalker-ish in my opinion.

Like many posters above, I think googling T is a normal thing

I agree, but I would also like to say you'll always find a reason to compare yourself if you're so inclined. I am not generally a 'comparer' but I recall a meeting between me, pdoc and head T (I think a nurse was attending also) in early 2014. (I was 16 then)I was in residential (had been for over 6 months by then), way too stressed and had attempted suicide a few days before. They said they felt it best if I took 2 weeks to relax - meaning no school or therapy, just doing what I wanted on the ward or on the grounds. My reaction was, "I have to go to school!" (School there was mostly a classroom with a teacher and everyone was working on their own subjects and material, so I wasn't missing anything class or instruction or anything). They tried to convince me that: school wasn't everything and: I'd get my degree and a job eventually.
I felt; yeah you can talk.. you all finished high school at a high level (different levels of high school in my country, you need to finish the highest in order to go to university), went to university for a bachelor a master and in pdocs case specializations first in general psychiatry then a deeper specialization in child-youth psychiatry, and head T also took another course after her Master else she couldn't have become head T.
They could talk. They had that part of their life in order. They had finished high school and became successful - and then they are trying to tell me I can be successful even without finishing high school?

What I mean to say - there are hundreds of points you can compare yourself to a T with. The price of her house is just one more.
Of course, money is a vulnerable point for a lot of people so knowing about their financial situation might be a 'trigger'. On the other hand, say someone tries to get into Harvard med school and fails, eventually is accepted into the worst med school in the country. Ten years later he goes to see a pdoc or other doctor whose framed degree on the office wall proclaims his graduation from Harvard. Or even sees his doctor's name on the alumni page of Harvard's website. That would also lead to comparisons, probably.
People will compare themselves to others on the points they are most insecure about. Money, appearance, social class and family life seem to be biggies from what I've read on PC.

Ive have her number from the start, I assume it's of you need to cancel etc, but I've only ever really emailed!
I feel pretty abnormal though in the sense, I don't look her up etc because I don't really want to know anything. I like the person I see once a week in the room, and I think if I knew more etc it might taint that in a weird way. Although I can totally see why others ant to know more etc, I think it's more common than someone like me who prefers not to know.
I don't see much harm in it and think it's natural but I suppose it's just knowing a boundary.
If I did search and found something I think I would be inclined to tell her, because I'd feel guilty in a way.
Like I say I do understand it though, and I'm sure most Ts do and probably expect it!

If I did search and found something I think I would be inclined to tell her, because I'd feel guilty in a way.

Yep, you hit it again, this is me, except that I wasn't really searching for what I found out and can't get myself to tell him. But I think the guilt is a big part in all of this, I know at least for me, and probably for others too.