Do you think your T actively encourages attachment?

[MessyD]

I don't think mine does but im interested to hear from others how that would look like and what they would say about that.

[emgreen]

It's a crime to "consort" with patients according to our state law. I was reading about a T who had an affair with a patient. He was convicted of fourth-degree criminal sexual conduct. That's a costly tryst...

[zoiecat]

Mine definitely does not. He has solid boundaries, does not do emails, texts, or phone calls unless he is on vacation and your are in crisis.

My T encourages learning skills to tolerate and improve independence, self- awareness, stability, and happiness. He encourages working through trauma through EMDR so that past trauma will not hurt me anymore.

He is the facilitator that assists me in developing the skills to create and maintain healthy attachments with friends in the real world and to learn and gain the confidence to rely on myself.

[stopdog]

The woman tried to do so. She said so rather directly. I believe she called it bonded. I was mostly/completely able to fend it off. There was nothing sexual about it.

[AllHeart]

Only 1 former t did. She fostered dependency and labeled it attachment. Current t does not encourage attachment, nor did 2 of my other former t’s.

[ScarletPimpernel]

Mine doesn't encourage it. She knew I'd probably get attached to her due to my history, so she tired to at least slow down the attachment.

[Miswimmy1]

My ex-T did, and she did so under the guise of "connecting". I think that forming some sort of relationship with your therapist is essential for therapy, but it must be a connection that remains within the confines of the therapeutic relationship. This T fostered an unhealthy amount of dependence on her and it caused a lot of problems, both during the time I saw her and also after when our relationship ended and suddenly, this person that was an integral part of my life just disappeared.

I think that it requires a very skilled T to be able to know just how much attachment to foster for each individual client and when to draw the boundaries.

[elisewin]

I find it a bit confusing. Like what would encouraging be. Mine says it is ok to be attached, it is ok to miss her etc. She is always friendly and I have a feeling that she has my best interest in mind when doing therapy. So yes, this all encourages it, but is there any other way really? Is it intentional..?

[kecanoe]

T1: definitely.
Ex T: yes, some
T2: sort of
T3: definitely not.

In my experience it depends on the T and their style of practice.

Originally Posted by elisewin

I find it a bit confusing. Like what would encouraging be. Mine says it is ok to be attached, it is ok to miss her etc. She is always friendly and I have a feeling that she has my best interest in mind when doing therapy. So yes, this all encourages it, but is there any other way really? Is it intentional..?

Kind of feel the same way about mine.
She reassures me she isn't going anywhere and so on, but can you repeatedly open up to someone and see them weekly without getting attached.

[ChickenNoodleSoup]

Mine encourages being attached to him, but in a healthy way. What I mean is he doesn't encourage dependency, he doesn't cross any boundaries or anything like that. I don't constantly think about him, I don't feel like I absolutely need him in my life, that he is ireplacable and that I could not live without him.

But, he actively encourages that I rely on him to be around if I need him. He makes sure to stress almost every session that I can count on him giving me an early appointment if I need one (on the days he works), that he will respond to texts/calls when he's in his office, that he won't abandon me (although he doesn't word it like that).
He encourages me to see him as the first person I contact in case I need support.

But he does all this in a way where I don't start to depend on him. I think this works for me because he has much stricter boundaries than anyone I've ever met before. People normally would tell me that they'd "respond asap" if I needed them or something like that. And then I'd go and test this out as much as possible, which of course makes them at some point not respond anymore. With him, I know that I need to call/text the day before I'd want to talk (unless probably in really bad emergencies, but not as a habit). Since he only works 2.5 days a week, I still need to get through without him, I just know that if I don't feel like I manage on my own, I can at some point talk to someone for sure.

I also think this depends a lot on the person in therapy. I think my T tries to make himself the person I run to first because I'll otherwise dump all my problems on my friends, which I have seen for myself will not really make them be my friends for long. And he seems to be able to handle it well, while ensuring that I can still live without him.

[SalingerEsme]

I don't know if mine does or not. He says our relationship will be corrective over time and teach me more trust. He also says our relationship is completely artificial, and all the things it is not: spouse, friend , lover, teacher, coach... He doesnt really explain what it IS. He has excellent boundaries, and for my part I feel no wish to invade his personal life- pretty much the opposite in which it is painful to think he is an adoring husband in a cozy family so I dont think about that. He is a very professional and insightful person- he is always on time, never misses, I have never called him on the phone or seriously considered it for emotional support; he has a good memory for details, and spellbinding insight that really helps me think differently. My boyfriend lol absolutely hates his existence in a humorous way that has a grain of truth. I AM overly attached to my T I think, because I have told him harrowing secrets that no one else knows, and that create anguish in my hours between sessions. I think of him as like the guide to the underworld. On the flip side I have no illusions it will be a relationship outside of therapy ever, and dont even know if we would mesh the way it feels we would from inside the protected space. I am super attached to my T- does he want me to be and foster that? I don't know. I have "fearful attachment" that is hidden decently under a social gloss of good manners and overall social skills, so this is important work for me to resolve how not to be terrified of the male people I should trust. I am pretty sure my T thinks that, but he doesnt telll me things like that- his private thoughts.

[ruh roh]

Mine does not, but from what I read here on the forum there seem to be many that do; or, at least, they use it as part of the therapy if it becomes an issue for someone.

[Elio]

I think my T does stuff to provide support, show compassion and empathy. If attachment happens then she works with it. I guess I think of it as her providing the playing field and I (conscious or not) have the playbook. For me, her behavior did encourage attachment and I believe it needed to encourage attachment. For others, it might not.

At the same time she does not do anything as direct as to tell me to refer to her as anything but Dr. <last name>, there is very minimal touch allowed and she has only initiated it a few times, she does not initiate any of the many activities we do nor suggest where we should go next with things - it is for me to feel my way through what seems to be wanting to come out and be discussed.

She does say that I can reach out to her via phone or email anytime I want and she will get back to me as soon as possible. We've talked about what that means and in short it means as soon as she has seen the message and she has time to already set aside for work or can make time so that she is focused and able to respond the way she feels is most helpful. She might not see the message right away because of many reasons including that she is taking care of herself and her life - which means being disconnected from work.

I wouldn't say she is fostering dependency or independence as if they are mutually exclusive. I believe she is allowing me the opportunity to experience how the two overlap - creating a healthy dependency in humankind does help us connect to others and build lasting relationships while maintaining our boundaries around our respective independent self's.

She responds to my attachment.

[awkwardlyyours]

Current T definitely does — calls it an “attachment relationship”.

Has attributed my recent bouts of not-feeling-totally-awful to the “attachment”.

I don’t take it all very seriously — she tends to be woo-woo.

She has though gone and made a pretty huge sacrifice scheduling-wise just to accommodate my quirks — so, I suppose that to me says more than words per se.

[feileacan]

What do people actually mean by "encouraging attachment"?

My first T did but in ways that did not fit with me at all and were not appealing at all - obviously erratic and insecure. I felt more interested/somewhat attached in the beginning, but less and less so as I got to know him better, and in the end he was very repulsive for me.

Second T sort of, in a sense that he spoke about the relationship and was always supportive, welcoming etc when I had healthy reactions, but in balanced and subtle ways that worked for me. He also never attempted to displace whatever happened between us and rarely used defensively as transference like my first T, unless I wanted to discuss it that way. I am not sure how much he helped me as a T per se, but is a person I liked at start and continued to like, we had a steady, good and pleasant connection. It was a healthy kind of loose attachment and still is in some way as we email occasionally, but I would not pay someone for the same again, much better to develop similar relationships in everyday life for me. I don't think I ever would or could engage in very deep, powerful attachment with a T - the unnatural nature of the therapy construct makes it unreasonable and unattractive for me. Not that it is a professional relationship - I experienced various kinds of attachments to colleagues and mentors before, but those unfolded naturally and were not placed into a predetermined structure even if they started out in a hierarchical format. My attachment system is such that it gets quickly turned off if the interest is not mutual and has the same intensity on both ends, so even with someone like my last T, I think it would be impossible to go beyond a certain point. And if someone actively encourages it without my feeling up to it, it just tends to alienate me. In fact, these were some of the major mistakes my first T made with me, in addition to misinterpreting me grossly - he and I just have very different, quite incompatible attachment styles, I think. I believe that these need to be compatible for a relationship to work well, therapy or other.

[Fernwehxx]

How do you interpret that your T encourages it?

I cannot say if mine does or not because I wouldn't know how to interpret it.

Mine definitely talks to me a lot, even about stuff other than therapy (after sessions), and I really appreciate it. I don't have many people to have intelligent conversations with.

She doesn't talk about my attachment much. I don't think she encourages me in the sense of wanting me to be attached (is that what you mean?), but she definitely makes me feel like we have a relationship that's not just plain T-client talk.

I am perfectly happy with how she is.

[missbella]

Mine encouraged attachment by assuming wisdom and omniscience that no mortal human realistically could possess. They used subtle power signals, controlling the narrative and dominating the relationships, manipulating me to be in their thrall. In retrospect, this subordination was highly detrimental to my goal of competence and agency.

A therapist I know nonprofessionally tried the same presumptuous Queen Bee stuff with me and I told her to knock it off.

I think my T has actually. Though I do think he's an excellent T. I think he sees the transference as useful and I agree but I still think he underestimates the depth of it.

Yes I do think some ts do encourage attachment ands it more about them and their own attachment needs.
I think ts that anxious ambivalent attachment styles are the worst. They anxiously worry and stress about their relationships and with clients and tend to be overly clingy when they feel clients pulling away or pushing them away.
My t swings I am still not sure what her attachment style is and it does drive me mad because she encourages attachment by disclosing too much about her herself knowing that I am anxiously worried about her.

[snowangel17]

Mine definitely does/has

I don't thing my therapists encouraged attachment, but one did actively seek to help me change my attachment style. She dealt with a lot of my transference and the others work/ed with more practical issues.