Does your T use Terms of Endearment?

My T used to call me "Kiddo" at the end of our session. I didn't consider it a term of endearment, nor did I find it condescending. We were about the same age, though she was clearly more mature. I just took it as her way of being kind of casual and friendly and wanting to lighten the atmosphere. I was fine with it.

I always sent her a Holiday card, as I did with my dentist. I'ld say "thanks for your support over the past year." I didn't expect to get one in return. We didn't do hugs or handshakes. If I broke down in tears, as certainly happened occasionally, she was very appropriately kind. I saw her over a span of many years. I thought she was likely as good as it gets. I don't think seeing her changed the trajectory of my life, not even one little bit. When I finally voiced that, she became very defensive and said things very critical of me. I never went back. I had exhausted what I was capable of getting out of the process. I still think well of her and would recommend her to anyone.

From what I read on the forums here, a lot of therapy clients seem to be deeply invested emotionally in their relationships with their Ts. I never felt that way. I was neither all that lifted up, nor hurt, by the feedback I got in therapy. I never saw where therapists understood my life any better than I did myself. I respected the ones I stayed with for any length of time, or I wouldn't have gone back. But I never imagined that therapists were going to be a source of the love and friendship that was elluding me in life. I wasn't curious about their personal lives. I wasn't craving their personal approval of me. I expected them to have some positive regard and respect for me. But I was mainly looking for help in critiquing my approach to life which obviously wasn't working for me. I was certainly not looking for someone to slather me with reassurances of "It wasn't your fault." I didn't have a miserable childhood. Life had given me lots of opportunity, which I routinely squandered.

I liked the Ts well enough. I spent a small fortune on them. I didn't get much out of seeing them. I don't think I would ever go to a T again. My response is a littke off topic, I guess.

miss demanding once or twice...

oh wait.. thats not a term of endearment.....

I hear you. I feel my therapist doesn't find me likeable, much less endearing. Once I asked if she saw any good qualities in me. Apparently I'm "brave" and "open", and those were the only good qualities she said since I directly asked. Still doesn't mean I'm in any way likeable, much less endearing. Especially as she's the second therapist in 2 therapists to mention I'm frustrating.

Well I guess you could be thankful that you didn't have a miserable childhood and don't need to hear that it wasn't your fault

Yes, I am grateful for the many problems I haven't had. Most of my problems pretty much are my fault. Once I embraced that view, I stopped pouring my money into therapy.

People do come out of horrendous circumstances and need help assigning responsibility where it belongs. Some therapists do a good job differentiating abuse from disappointment. However, I think some therapists grow their business by selling ego-stroking.

My standby therapist does not use terms of endearment. My previous therapist did a few times when I was in a childlike-state reliving trauma in her office. She used the word sweetie to reassure me that certain things were not going to happen because of my therapy needs/wants.

My T does not use terms of endearment, and I would not like it if she did. To me, it would feel patronizing or belittling. The power dynamic is already so skewed... if my T called my things like "sweetie" or "hon" or anything like that, it would feel like she was talking down to me, like she was taking advantage of her position of power.

That said, she doesn't use nicknames for me... it might be weird if she did, but I wouldn't mind it. That, to me, is endearment -- to be close enough with someone to use a nickname.

Madame T once called me "sweetheart", but she was being sarcastic. "Listen, sweetheart, let me tell you how it is."

PS. Maybe that was her Humphrey Bogart impression.

Absolutely not. I find the concept horrifying and patronizing. I'm not a little kid and I'm not their kid either. I also often get people in shops (cashier) or at the hairdresser to adress me with "tu" instead of "vous" (in French) because somehow they assume that I'm 14 years old (?) which is baffling to me since I'm 30. I hate it. It's the same with a therapist.