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View Poll Results: Does your T use Words of Endearment?
Yes and I like it 8 15.09%
Yes and I like it
8 15.09%
Yes but I would rather they didn't 2 3.77%
Yes but I would rather they didn't
2 3.77%
No but I wish they would 9 16.98%
No but I wish they would
9 16.98%
No and I'm glad they don't 31 58.49%
No and I'm glad they don't
31 58.49%
Other 3 5.66%
Other
3 5.66%
Voters: 53. You may not vote on this poll

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  #1  
Old Jan 03, 2018, 04:16 AM
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Miswimmy1 Miswimmy1 is offline
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My ex-t used to call me "kiddo" all the time during session. Once she called me "sweetie". It made me feel like I mattered when she would use such terms of endearment. The T I have now uses my real name when he greets me with a handshake at the beginning of the session and that's all. It makes everything seem so much more formal and business-like. I don't like it.
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  #2  
Old Jan 03, 2018, 04:29 AM
feileacan feileacan is offline
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No and I'm glad they don't. It would sound very strange were I live.

I think this kinds of endearments sound natural perhaps in certain parts of US where it is common to "sweety" everyone. I live in a cold nordic European country and most people probably don't "sweety" here even their own children.
  #3  
Old Jan 03, 2018, 05:25 AM
Anonymous57382
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No and I wouldn't find it appropriate. My feelings of safety in therapy are fragile because I'm so vulnerable. It would be problematic for me.
I had a music teacher who I had paternal feelings towards. He used to call me 'kid' and I really liked that. So I get it as a term of endearment though i wouldn't want it from my therapist.
  #4  
Old Jan 03, 2018, 05:41 AM
Amyjay Amyjay is offline
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I would find it very condescending and would tell them to stop if it ever happened to me. Wouldn't tolerate that at all.
  #5  
Old Jan 03, 2018, 07:08 AM
Anonymous43207
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not often, but occasionally she has said "My dear..." like one time I had a realization that it was my ownself that caused my reaction to something and she said "My dear, it's always us." that has stuck with me for some reason.
  #6  
Old Jan 03, 2018, 08:34 AM
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UnderRugSwept UnderRugSwept is offline
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T2 does not, but T1 has. He has called me "kiddo" which I loathe.

I am 41, so it seems even more ridiculous.
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  #7  
Old Jan 03, 2018, 08:49 AM
toomanycats toomanycats is offline
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I'm saying other because while my T always uses my name, he does also say things like "If I were your daddy" or "I see you right now as a scared little girl needing comfort" ...somehow this feels as intimate as endearing terms...
  #8  
Old Jan 03, 2018, 09:33 AM
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LostOnTheTrail LostOnTheTrail is offline
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I voted Yes, and I like it: 'Take care, [my] lovely.'

Emphasises the feeling of safety, especially when she is about to leave. Also via email, which makes me feel cared for and respected.
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  #9  
Old Jan 03, 2018, 09:57 AM
Anonymous47147
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yes mine does, and I like it. Where I live, people use a lot of terms of endearment, so it is normal.
  #10  
Old Jan 03, 2018, 10:00 AM
stopdog stopdog is offline
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No. I would find it completely patronizing. Plus with the first one it would just be a damn lie. There was no endearment between us
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  #11  
Old Jan 03, 2018, 10:26 AM
JaneTennison1 JaneTennison1 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by UnderRugSwept View Post
T2 does not, but T1 has. He has called me "kiddo" which I loathe.

I am 41, so it seems even more ridiculous.
One manager I have calls me kiddo. It's the worst.
  #12  
Old Jan 03, 2018, 11:10 AM
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Mike_J Mike_J is offline
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I would love it if my therapist used some term of endearment with me. But she is overly cautious in such areas.
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  #13  
Old Jan 03, 2018, 12:38 PM
Anonymous45127
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She doesn't, and I feel perhaps that is good for me. I would be really hurt if I discovered she uses endearments with some clients and not others.
  #14  
Old Jan 03, 2018, 12:43 PM
MessyD MessyD is offline
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No and I don't think I would like it. I had others use those terms with me just to find out later that they didn't even know my name. So no, I prefer he calls me by name. Altough it sounds sweet, I find it less personal.
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  #15  
Old Jan 03, 2018, 01:00 PM
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NP_Complete NP_Complete is offline
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No and I wouldn't like it.

My husband never used my name. He had a rotating list of nicknames he would call me. I've only recently come to realize that it bugged me that he wouldn't call me by my name. I wonder now if it was actually him being affectionate or just part of his controlling and manipulative behavior to strip me of my name. I'm sorry if that sounds crazily over-sensitive, but I had to live with this guy.

At work, there's someone else with my same name and I got stuck with a nickname at work too so they could tell us apart. Sometimes I hate it. I just want to be me. My name.

I'm glad that my therapist uses my actual name.
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  #16  
Old Jan 03, 2018, 01:12 PM
Anonymous54545
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Eww. No. The most she has done is call me Ms. (first name) or Ms. (last name). I think there was a "young lady" in there once and I hated it. She's only 4 years older than me. #nope
  #17  
Old Jan 03, 2018, 02:50 PM
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fille_folle fille_folle is offline
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My longtime T did - not at first, but after several years. She called me sweetie or hun.
  #18  
Old Jan 03, 2018, 04:23 PM
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ScarletPimpernel ScarletPimpernel is offline
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No, and I wouldn't like it. We're about the same age, so it would be weird. It would probably make the attachment worse too.
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  #19  
Old Jan 03, 2018, 05:10 PM
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He's called me punk and kiddo before. He has a nickname he made up for me that is an inside joke
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  #20  
Old Jan 03, 2018, 05:10 PM
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I used to call him poop face. He'd always say "poop face tomato nose" back to me
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  #21  
Old Jan 03, 2018, 06:40 PM
RaineD RaineD is offline
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Mine calls me "woman" sometimes. It's not really a term of endearment, and I know some of you would be offended by it. But I think it's funny.
  #22  
Old Jan 03, 2018, 08:20 PM
MRT6211 MRT6211 is offline
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My current T uses them constantly, they made me feel a little special at first, but now I realize she just does that as her normal. She has also said to me that she views all of her clients as kinda like her children, which made me feel special and cared about.

My ex-T called me kiddo once and it increased the transference I had for her so much. At the time I liked it a lot.
  #23  
Old Jan 03, 2018, 08:29 PM
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ruh roh ruh roh is offline
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No. There is no sense that my therapist finds anything about me endearing.
Hugs from:
atisketatasket, awkwardlyyours
Thanks for this!
Anonymous45127
  #24  
Old Jan 03, 2018, 10:16 PM
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precaryous precaryous is offline
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No, I don’t know how I would feel about it if she did.
  #25  
Old Jan 03, 2018, 11:53 PM
awkwardlyyours awkwardlyyours is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ruh roh View Post
No. There is no sense that my therapist finds anything about me endearing.
I don't believe that's true -- I think your therapist is 1. Very sensible and 2. Has figured out that it's going to sound glommy and not terribly useful to you.
Hugs from:
MRT6211
Thanks for this!
atisketatasket, ruh roh
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