[Hazelgreen]

For some reason I want my therapist to be mad at me. I’m not sure why. Maybe I will believe that she cares about me more if she gets angry. I know this sounds messed up, but it is how I feel. Today I scratched my arm in session because I know it bothers her. I feel like there is something really wrong with me. Does anyone else ever feel this way?

I have tried to anger my T many many many times. She has never fallen for it though and usually calls me out for what I'm trying to so. It basically all comes down. To me pushing her away before she can leave me. I have some pretty serious abandonment/trust issues.

When we are angry we can be quite passionate. Maybe you want to know you affect her and that she feels strongly about you.

[ruh roh]

No. I've had therapists get angry and it's not a good feeling to be at the receiving end. It's not something I would want or seek out voluntarily.

[stopdog]

No. To me, a therapist has no business getting angry with a client. They are paid for their time - my life is mine and what I do with it has nothing to do with one of those people.

[Hazelgreen]

Originally Posted by Coming up tails

When we are angry we can be quite passionate. Maybe you want to know you affect her and that she feels strongly about you.

I do want to know that I can affect her. That she is reacting to me and not just saying something therapisty

[Anastasia~]

In no way would I want T to be angry at me as it would make me feel horrible.

[MRT6211]

Yes, I did this recently. I didn’t really realize that I was doing it at the time, though. I just wanted to push her away, really. So I kept pushing and pushing and getting her more and more frustrated and I could see that she was getting irritated at me. She actually even called me out and said that she didn’t like that I seemed amused that she was getting so frustrated. I wasn’t actually feeling amused, but I guess on a subconscious level I was because I was getting what I wanted.
Then I told her that she “doesn’t even care about me.” And she got very angry with me and yelled (like actually raised her voice and shouted) at me and said “here, you’re pushing me away, that’s why you wanted, right? You wanted to get me angry at you so I’ll give up on you, right? Well guess what, that’s not going to ****ing happen. I’ll still be here for when you’re ready to stop self-destructing and start trying again.” This whole thing did NOT feel good, though. I cried so hard. I felt like such a jerk after. But, it did strengthen our relationship overall (weirdly enough) and give me the kick in the pants I needed to stop self-destructing. I never want this to happen again though....

[toomanycats]

No, not angry, but I have wanted him to be worried about me.

I can't say no strongly enough. She has been angry at me before and showed it. And it was the worst feeling ever. I felt destroyed.

[zoiecat]

I don't want my T to be angry with me but I have actually asked him to be mean to me. My brain is twisted and I do not do well when people are nice to me. I can't trust it. I never know if they are really being nice or just saying or acting on that manner to be "nice". The nicer they are the more I dissociate. Based on my past, I am much more comfortable with mean. Even if unpleasant, I understand and trust mean. It is more believable and easier for me to accept.

Unfortunately T will not be mean. We have discussed this topic quite a bit lately. He says it would be much better for me to learn to accept people being nice. I hate it. I wish he would be mean, even if only for one session. I know I am sick and twisted.

[Tbhimscared]

I want my T to get angry with me but not in a mean, malicious way but more of a frustrated anger. Like when you’re mad at a friend for a dumb decision they made, but really you’re showing you care through the anger.

Originally Posted by zoiecat

I don't want my T to be angry with me but I have actually asked him to be mean to me. My brain is twisted and I do not do well when people are nice to me. I can't trust it. I never know if they are really being nice or just saying or acting on that manner to be "nice". The nicer they are the more I dissociate. Based on my past, I am much more comfortable with mean. Even if unpleasant, I understand and trust mean. It is more believable and easier for me to accept.

Unfortunately T will not be mean. We have discussed this topic quite a bit lately. He says it would be much better for me to learn to accept people being nice. I hate it. I wish he would be mean, even if only for one session. I know I am sick and twisted.

Not sick or twisted. I really sometimes want my T to hit me so we know where we stand, i would prefer he hit me than be nice too.

[zoiecat]

Blessed...I have also felt the same way.

[fille_folle]

No, the thought makes me shudder. I've experienced a T's exasperation with me, and longtime T was once quite stern with me, but that's very different from anger. I would feel scared if a T was angry with me... Anger in general makes me really uncomfortable. I'd certainly not provoke my T to anger on purpose.

Originally Posted by Hazelgreen

For some reason I want my therapist to be mad at me. I’m not sure why. Maybe I will believe that she cares about me more if she gets angry. I know this sounds messed up, but it is how I feel. Today I scratched my arm in session because I know it bothers her. I feel like there is something really wrong with me. Does anyone else ever feel this way?

Maybe its about wanting the outside to match your insides.