[Cleo6]

I've been seeing my t now for 2 years privately. We have had a few issues but I like her. In our last session she was saying that she was thinking of volunteering where I work. I really don't know how I feel about it. Boundaries have often been blurred in the past and I don't know if I'm over reacting. Sometimes I love seeing her out and about and other times I can feel really anxious. It's just no one knows about my past and I don't know how I would feel if I've had a difficult session and then seeing her be all caring to the patients and seeing her in normal life

I think you do know how you feel about it. Tryst your instinct on this. There is some anxiety and a fear and maybe some jealousy over seeing her with other people. These are the reasons we shouldn’t have dual relationships with our ts.
Di you feel safe enough to be able to tell her your worries and fears?
I work in the same Centre as my t and it really bothers me seeing her with her supervisees. I feel really jealous when she talks to anyone else.
No matter how much I try not to let it interfere with our therapy it does.

[SalingerEsme]

Wow that is an awkward position in which you've been put. I wouldn't like that and I couldn't deal with that. I also cannot imagine my T venturing that idea. Dual relationships are not suggested, especially when unforced by circumstances. I wouldn't allow it if I were you.

[Cleo6]

I had really strong maternal transferance at one point and i think i could get really jealous but then i feel bad at feelling jealous over someone whos dying as i work in a hospice. It feels awkward in sessions sometimes when she talks about her family and i feel nervous about seeing her in a different enviroment and then i feel anxious whether i should talk to her and if i do what do i say as i do work with patients when the volunteers are there and it would look obvious if i ignore her. I dont think i can bring this up to her

[Cleo6]

I dont know how i can stop it though

[SalingerEsme]

You could tell her your job makes you dig down deep as it is, and that not having a dual relationship with her is important to you?

[Cleo6]

I'm just hoping she will decide it's not the right thing to do. I'm to nervous to contront her about it and I'm not sure how I will react if she asks me if I'll manage to tell her how I actually feel or if I play it cool

[ElectricManatee]

I don't think not talking about your (perfectly valid) feelings in therapy is playing it cool; I think it is a huge missed opportunity.

For what it's worth, I think it's inappropriate for your therapist to even consider doing this if she knows you work there. I also think she told you that she is considering it because she wanted to gauge your reaction. If this makes you uncomfortable, now is the time to speak up. It has the potential to get much worse if you don't.

[Cleo6]

I think she could tell i was shocked by my response. A part of me is scared to confront her because of the way things have been in the past

[Fernwehxx]

To me, that would depend on what her role would be.....

[Cleo6]

She is going to get her dog to be a therapist dog and they visit patients in the ward and the day unit. I work in both these areas

[Wonderfalls]

Wow, I can see how it would even feel mean to try to stop such a kind gesture. I wanted to do that with my dog; it seems like the best of both worlds. Volunteering while having everyone love my dog. Whether her dog really could be a therapist dog is a different matter.

Just the same I would bring up to her--in the very least threatening way possible--that it might be better if you were to change therapists under those circumstances. I'm sure she's been trained about dual boundaries. The upshot should be that she realizes what her main responsibilities are.There must be other places she could bring her dog if it really does succeed as a therapy dog. Mine didn't enjoy it.

[velcro003]

oh hell no! i can't believe she even thinks it is a remote possibility.

[Cleo6]

Thank you for your replies. Her dog is lovely shes so friendly often she just jumps up next to me and sits on my lap so i think the dog will love the attention. I dont know what the rules involved are though here for it. I know the patients will love her dog aswell as ive seen the improvement similar sogs have made. From the way my t has been in the past i dont think the duo relationship will bother her. I dont know what i will do if shes successful. Even if i leave her to see another t i will still have to face her around the hospital and act notmal while it would really hurt and feel so awkward with what she knows about me

[Fernwehxx]

Originally Posted by Cleo6

Thank you for your replies. Her dog is lovely shes so friendly often she just jumps up next to me and sits on my lap so i think the dog will love the attention. I dont know what the rules involved are though here for it. I know the patients will love her dog aswell as ive seen the improvement similar sogs have made. From the way my t has been in the past i dont think the duo relationship will bother her. I dont know what i will do if shes successful. Even if i leave her to see another t i will still have to face her around the hospital and act notmal while it would really hurt and feel so awkward with what she knows about me

I would be honest with her. Its probably not easy, but better than anything else. Maybe you can even find a solution by talking about it.

If my T came to my work, id expect a work relationship apart from our therapy. Haha, in my case, I'd be her supervisor lol. Well, jokes aside..,
If she could get over therapist boundaries, okay. If she were distant to me due to our therapy relationship, I couldnt do it.

[unaluna]

Google "uk psychotherapy dual relationships"

A pdf is available that says in the uk, dual relationships are to be avoided. I cant imagine what she is thinking!

[AllHeart]

Do you live in a remote area of the UK where this type of service is only available where you work?

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by AllHeart

Do you live in a remote area of the UK where this type of service is only available where you work?

Like by Doc Martin?

Maybe you can both arrange it that she volunteer different days or hours than your work days/hours.

[Myrto]

The fact that your therapist is even considering this possibility is not a good sign.
Like it should be a no-brainer: no she shouldn’t volunteer at your place of work. Period.
I don’t understand how these therapists can even call themselves therapists when they don’t follow the most basic rules. Ugh.
Surely there are other places she could volunteer at if that’s what she wants to do. Why pick precisely your place of work?