I stopped seeing old T a year ago because I simply could not carry on, I feared having a breakdown if I did, I had been seeing her for about a year. Stopping was physically and emotional painful. I liked her so much. It took me a long time to come to terms with it. I felt so bad I didn't even post on here about it - though I had been posting up until I stopped. I have a good T now, and things are going very well with me. Looking back I consider that my old T made mistakes, and also that I couldn't feel secure talking to her, the way I do with my current T. I never did an ending with the old T, and I keep wondering whether to go back to do an ending. I wonder if it would help me to feel better about that therapy? I think she was at heart a good T, but not for me. I also so want to see her again. The thing that is holding me back from contacting her is the fear that if I see her for a session it could go badly and make me feel worse about it. I fear that she lost confidence in her work with me. I'm posting on here in the hope that discussing it might help me to decide what to do, so I hope people respond and give me their thoughts or experiences to help me think about it some more.

You may not having had ending sessions. But it is ended.
I don't know why. But it brings to mind a dog I had once.
I so wanted to keep her, but I had a new baby lived on the 10th floor and couldnt manage it. I took her to a dogs home, then couldn't live with that finality and went and got her back, only to realise months later that I should have let her go. I think it was more to do with my feelings of never having had my birth mother come back for me. I needed to experience leaving Something and then rescuing it.
Almost playing with the push and pull id always experienced. Feeling empowered. Edging my bets.
Not able to live with the Ambivalence of wanting/not wanting.
Anyways. Jstt my thoughts.
In simple words. I'd say, let it be.

I went for a termination session with my ex T after two months. It went okay but I think I only did it because I was still attached to him. The idea of seeing him now isn't pleasant.
Only you can decide whether the potential positives outweigh the risks of seeing this T again. My best advice would be to examine your motivations and think carefully about whether a bad outcome would set your therapy back.

[atisketatasket]

Our situations are not the same, but some cruel experiences over the past year—I finally got the ending I wanted with No. 3, only to have her take it away by contacting me against my wishes a mere 73 days later (that’s the short version)—have suggested to me that it’s often not possible to get the ending we want or need in therapy, in fact, in any relationship.

If you’ve gotten through a year okay despite the pain (I envy you, I’m not at all sure I’ll be able to do that), I would leave it be. You’ve been wounded, and it left a scar, but if seeing her again, even if it went as well as possible, would open that wound, I don’t think it’s worth the price of more pain.

[Lemoncake]

I may sound harsh but do what is best for you. You owe her nothing- if she lost confidence in her work it's something she should address in her own therapy.

That is such a tough decision.

I didn't even go back to a T who I had a good (almost ideal given the circumstances) ending with--I was very attached to him and did not want to reopen Pandora' Box, so to speak.

It truly is a gamble. Can you work through this with your new T? Maybe what's missing could be found within.

Best of luck.

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

Our situations are not the same, but some cruel experiences over the past year—I finally got the ending I wanted with No. 3, only to have her take it away by contacting me against my wishes a mere 73 days later (that’s the short version)—have suggested to me that it’s often not possible to get the ending we want or need in therapy, in fact, in any relationship.

If you’ve gotten through a year okay despite the pain (I envy you, I’m not at all sure I’ll be able to do that), I would leave it be. You’ve been wounded, and it left a scar, but if seeing her again, even if it went as well as possible, would open that wound, I don’t think it’s worth the price of more pain.

Oh I missed that that happened to you atat. I received unsolicited communication from ex T after termination too. It's a very selfish thing for a therapist to do.

(Sorry for going off topic OP)

[JaneTennison1]

I read something once that said "don't confuse missing someone with wanting them back" you can miss ex t without wanting or needing her back in your life. It would be nice to have a good ending but you don't need to make sure she's ok or do anything that won't help you.

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by JaneTennison1

I read something once that said "don't confuse missing someone with wanting them back" you can miss ex t without wanting or needing her back in your life. It would be nice to have a good ending but you don't need to make sure she's ok or do anything that won't help you.

This reminds me of something T told me today regarding my working on terminating with MC and worried I'd start thinking about the good stuff with him and wanting to go back. And T said to remember that all relationships have/had good stuff in them--otherwise, we wouldn't have been in that relationship in the first place. Doesn't mean we should go back to it.

Originally Posted by Mouse_62

You may not having had ending sessions. But it is ended.
I don't know why. But it brings to mind a dog I had once.
I so wanted to keep her, but I had a new baby lived on the 10th floor and couldnt manage it. I took her to a dogs home, then couldn't live with that finality and went and got her back, only to realise months later that I should have let her go. I think it was more to do with my feelings of never having had my birth mother come back for me. I needed to experience leaving Something and then rescuing it.
Almost playing with the push and pull id always experienced. Feeling empowered. Edging my bets.
Not able to live with the Ambivalence of wanting/not wanting.
Anyways. Jstt my thoughts.
In simple words. I'd say, let it be.

Thanks for your thoughts. Perhaps this is about letting go.

Originally Posted by Runcible Spoon

I went for a termination session with my ex T after two months. It went okay but I think I only did it because I was still attached to him. The idea of seeing him now isn't pleasant.
Only you can decide whether the potential positives outweigh the risks of seeing this T again. My best advice would be to examine your motivations and think carefully about whether a bad outcome would set your therapy back.

Thanks. It's so hard for me to know whether the outcome would be good or bad.

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

Our situations are not the same, but some cruel experiences over the past year—I finally got the ending I wanted with No. 3, only to have her take it away by contacting me against my wishes a mere 73 days later (that’s the short version)—have suggested to me that it’s often not possible to get the ending we want or need in therapy, in fact, in any relationship.

If you’ve gotten through a year okay despite the pain (I envy you, I’m not at all sure I’ll be able to do that), I would leave it be. You’ve been wounded, and it left a scar, but if seeing her again, even if it went as well as possible, would open that wound, I don’t think it’s worth the price of more pain.

You are so right about the scar. It's because of the scar that I think of going back, in the hope it could help. I think I would be better able to talk to her now, because my year of therapy with someone else, I'm so much more confident about expressing myself now, and I have less fear.