I left a message with the receptionist to tell T that Im cancelling both sessions next week.

After that I just dont know. I really don't.

Do you cancel up coming appointments because you cant handle it and/or dont know what to do when therapy seems to be going round in circles?

I don't personally. But it's okay to do that if you want to. You're hiring the therapist.

[DP_2017]

No, I am too attached to do that, even when I dont want to go, my desire to see him is strong enough that I make myself go anyway....

BUT when he cancels on me, I feel like my world has ended and its awful.

Originally Posted by DP_2017

No, I am too attached to do that, even when I dont want to go, my desire to see him is strong enough that I make myself go anyway....

BUT when he cancels on me, I feel like my world has ended and its awful.

Yes, the desire to see them can be intensely strong and that is what has kept me coming back but that is not always a good thing and when your t has taken over your life where you think about them 24/7 you know something has got to change.

[DP_2017]

Originally Posted by Coming up tails

Yes, the desire to see them can be intensely strong and that is what has kept me coming back but that is not always a good thing and when your t has taken over your life where you think about them 24/7 you know something has got to change.

I know. I don't think of him 24/7.....I keep myself busy with my dog most of my free time but I do miss him, I like being with him and not having to worry about all the stuff my family does to me... I truly feel safe there and that is the part that keeps me going

God, Im pathetic

You are not pathetic. You are managing a complex set of feelings as best you can right now.

[kecanoe]

At the end of December I cancelled my next two sessions with T3. To my amazement, she called about a week later (I spoke to the receptionist to cancel). It took a couple of tries, but we connected by phone and she basically said that she would return to the type of therapy that I had been asking for for 6 months.

I didn't cancel to make a point (well, there were some parts that wanted to do that) but I was curious to see how I would feel without seeing her. I didn't want to make the decision to quit if it would make me more miserable than I already was. But we had been going around in circles.

I thought of it as taking a break to see how things went. I actually slept better with her off my calendar. I was leaning toward quitting altogether until she called and caved. I see her again Tuesday, so we'll see how that goes.

I think it is fine to cancel to see how you feel when you do that. How else will you know?

I have let myself be emotionally tortured for the past 6mnths over a person who holds no personal relevance for me in their life.

[Sarmas]

Originally Posted by Coming up tails

I have let myself be emotionally tortured for the past 6mnths over a person who holds no personal relevance for me in their life.

I know the feeling. The good thing is that you know what the reality of the relationship. That’s important. I think many people get lost and think that their T is an actual friend. I believe some Ts are closer to certain clients more than others. I’m sure they have their favorites and some that they will do more than for others. However when push comes to shove for the most part it’s a career and their priorities are at home. Some will reach out more than others.

It’s very common to see clients attached to their Ts and go the extra mile for them. I’m not sure how healthy that is overall. I also have attachment issues with my T but I’ve cancelled appts and I’ve been on many breaks. Even though I’m attached to her I know for certain that shes not caring if I go to session or not. I think it’s important to make that distinction. $90 is a high price to pay for aattachment and when I get home I have nothing to show for it.

[RaineD]

You're not pathetic. I think about mine all the time as well--i go through periods where I think about him 24/7 and periods where it's slightly less.

I've thought about canceling sessions before, but I've never actually done it because my desire to see him drowns out everything else.

What type of therapy does your therapist practice?

You're not pathetic and definitely not the only one. Heck I'm taking a break from t right now and I paused said break briefly for a session last week and now? Well I lay in bed at night and talk to her in my head as I fall asleep. Every night!!! I feel pathetic about that but try to tell myself it's just the way my process is working right now. It's not like SHE knows of these nightly um, 'chats' I have w her in my head...

[SalingerEsme]

This thread is therapy for me right now! Therapy for my therapy. My T and I got in a battle over him cancelling yet another session even though it is after the holidays, when he considers it sacrosanct for me to make all of them, and charges for missing. I also was totally hurt by how he said it at the door(knob)- Oh I am out of town Friday. Like he was a CEO and I was a 1950's secretary when we had just spent fifty minute speaking of very intimate trauma stuff he pushes for. This is the first issue in a year and a half we cannot bridge or even understand the other's viewpoint. I am SOOOOO tempted to skip the next session to prove a point, or have him feel what it's like to sit there with his contentious reliable doormat client not showing up. Problem is, it would just hurt myself and he probably wouldn't even care.

[Sarmas]

Originally Posted by SalingerEsme

This thread is therapy for me right now! Therapy for my therapy. My T and I got in a battle over him cancelling yet another session even though it is after the holidays, when he considers it sacrosanct for me to make all of them, and charges for missing. I also was totally hurt by how he said it at the door(knob)- Oh I am out of town Friday. Like he was a CEO and I was a 1950's secretary when we had just spent fifty minute speaking of very intimate trauma stuff he pushes for. This is the first issue in a year and a half we cannot bridge or even understand the other's viewpoint. I am SOOOOO tempted to skip the next session to prove a point, or have him feel what it's like to sit there with his contentious reliable doormat client not showing up. Problem is, it would just hurt myself and he probably wouldn't even care.

Sad to say you’re probably right. I’ve cancelled before and I’ve taken breaks. Means nothing to them. They fill your spot and then you’re like an after thought if that.

[stopdog]

I took breaks all the time. I found them very useful for me.
I would not hire one of those guys who thought they could charge me for an appointment I cancelled.

[fille_folle]

No, I've never been in a position where I felt like canceling would be a good idea. When I felt like I was able to do with less contact, I just let my T know and we decreased frequency.

[Chummy2]

I've cancelled I think one session with current T. It was because I just could handle therapy right then and going out of the house.
I've also cancelled a session with PrevT. Out of angry feelings mostly. But it's hard to cancel sessions. I sometimes want to, but then my attachement side wants to go. Sort of.