Should I bother discussing this with T?

Not really sure how he is going to help me with this issue. Feels kind of useless to tell him. I can not see how he can help.

So I am in massage therapy school. Today we were focusing on head and neck along with doing full body massage. When I was on the table and my partner started working on my neck, every memory of my ex-husband choking me kept flashing in my head and I wanted to jump off the table. I was trying everything to distract myself. My partner kept asking me if what she was doing was uncomfortable. I told her no as she needs to practice also.

Well... I'm certainly no expert when it comes to what to talk about, or not talk about, in therapy. But it strikes me this would be very important to talk about! Sometimes just the process of talking something like this through at length is therapeutic in-&-of itself. Yes, it's possible, maybe even probably, there's not much your T can actually do about this. But I think it would be important for you to discuss it. At least that is my perspective.

EMDR can possibly help you get past those feelings I don't know if your therapist does that or knows anybody that does.

I probably would not - but I don't see a reason why one shouldn't discuss if one wants to do so

I would bring it up if I were you. It helps to talk about things like this in my experience.

Also, I'm sorry that happened to you. It sounds absolutely terrible.

I would bring it up too.

To me, that is something significant to talk about.

I’m also sorry that it happened to you. I do not like to be touched, that’s just me, and your reaction sounds like something that has healing to it if it’s brought up.

For me it would with my counselor.

I think bringing this up will be a very big step in therapy and will require a lot of trust with your therapist but could lead to a huge relief for you. I wish you the best.

Some of my most vivid memories surfaced during a deep tissue massage.

I talked to my therapist about it. It was incredibly helpful to sort through the memories and what they meant.

I also spoke with my massage therapist about how to handle it because I needed the regular massages as part of my chiropractic care. She reassured me that it is not uncommon, and she was experienced and comfortable with that kind of work.

I am not suggesting that you tell your classmates/colleagues your history. That could be awkward and uncomfortable since you work with them in a professional capacity. I do want to share what my massage therapist told me, in hopes that it also helps you in your future career: Most massage therapists encounter a client experiencing release of traumatic memories at some point in their work. She has an awareness in doing her work that in healing the body, she is also sometimes healing mind and spirit, and she felt it was an honor to be a part of that healing.

She also talked me through some basics before that first massage, including the importance of letting her know if I needed to stop. Moxie, I know there's a balance when you're considering whether you should speak up or not, but even if your class partner needs to practice, it's okay for you to say "I can't do this right now." You don't have to say why.

I decided to email him what happened because my appointment is Thursday and by then I might not want to talk about it at all so this way if I do not bring it up he might.

I did EMDR for 2 yrs and it worked wonders for me but I moved away from my ex-T and have not found a trusted EMDR therapist in my area that takes insurance.

I did discuss what would happen in school when we got to the face, as I can not deal with my face touched, but I did not think the neck was even an issue. He said I could disclose my issue with the instructor if I felt necessary but I hate telling anyone about my mental issues.

I am not sure how long in school I can get away with not participating in bodywork for the neck and face as we practice on each other to prepare for clinic when they have the public come in for cheap massages. It is not fair to the other students as they need my participation to learn the strokes and what to do. The only way I can sit out is if there is a odd number of students in the class that day because of absences.

My T responded to my email with a very careful generic "I am sorry" and do self care and remind yourself you are not in the past.

I think he forgets I had 2 years of trauma therapy. Then again what could he even possibly say? When I get triggered I have a child part that gets activated and longs for comfort and I guess that activated part wants more then generic words.

I'm sorry that this happened to you. And I'm sorry that your T wasn't more comforting in his response. I suspect that because of the nature of the issue he doesn't want anything to be misconstrued over email and that he'll be more comforting in person at your session.

I would talk to your instructors though. It does no good to keep retraumatizing yourself in class. I know you feel obligated to be a practice person but you experienced real trauma that you're working through that gets triggered in class. Human decency would allow for certain exceptions. I know it's hard to share things like that and if you don't feel safe or comfortable, that's OK too.

I'm a frequent bodywork client and I have often had flashbacks while being massaged. Dealing with them in therapy has been helpful to making them tolerable and bodywork has been healing to me in return. Flashbacks are not so much a problem when you can learn to be okay with them, and then they reduce in frequency and intensity. I think you can get past this.

Have you read Bessel van der Kolk's book The Body Keeps the Score? Many body-based therapies are more helpful than therapy for many people.

I am going to have to get desensitized like exposure therapy. I guess the more I just deal with it the more my nervous system will calm down. Just sucks how anxious I get going into class knowing I will have to do it.