[stopdog]

I hate it when therapists attempt to reassure me. First - why would they think I would find them reassuring is beyond me. Second they usually try reassuring about something I am not needing it or wanting it for and that pisses me off because they missed the point of what I was doing. This is, for me, not about how I interact with the therapist. It is about other things - grief sort for me.

So I was wondering if it was common for therapists to reassure badly. Do you find the therapist you hire appropriately reassuring?

[atisketatasket]

Info is under orders not to reassure me unless I ask for it. I’m not getting the impression Piaf does a lot of reassuring.

The orders came because, yes, I found earlier therapists’ attempts at reassurance badly misplaced.

[SalingerEsme]

This is a bad dynamic I have with my T. We disagree, he holds the line hard, so I back down, I apologize, and he reassures me it is okay. It's almost amusing bc BF and I actually communicate through conflict much better. Luckly , this rarely happens

[maybeblue]

I like empathy...or reflective listening or whatever you call it. "Wow it seems like you are feeling sad today." Somehow even though I know that is a technique, if it is said with appropriate affect, it makes me feel understood. I don't like it when they try to "normalize" my feelings. "I have three thousand clients with that exact same problem," or "I think everyone feels like that sometimes." That feels like minimizing. Even if it is completely true, I don't want to feel like one of the multitude of suffering. I want the therapist to pay attention to *my* suffering.

[stopdog]

That sort of thing makes me homicidal at them. The therapist attempt at doing empathy at me is something I find awful. In fact - it was what caused me to finally quit the woman. "that sounds like X today" - no ****ing **** therapist captain obvious.
I understand different things work for different people.

[MoxieDoxie]

Reassuring about what? That everything is going to be ok? I have never been reassured by a T. Well maybe that I am on the right path or I did the best I could in a situation and had nothing to feel guilty about. Is that what you are talking about?

[feralkittymom]

Not sure that this is exactly reassurance, but seems related: the lame attempt to prop up self-esteem when such isn't lacking in the first place. I'll be confronting her on that one tomorrow! It equally misses the point because it misunderstands the intent of whatever I related.

[ruh roh]

Mine has never done this that I recall. I think I asked her once to just say everything will be okay and she deflected on to something else so I didn't ask again. I've told her that her motto is things can always get worse.

[Elio]

Most the time I find it reassuring. I find it best when I tell her what words to use to reassure me. Occasionally it rubs me the wrong way and I get pissed at her.

[awkwardlyyours]

Reassuring as in saying things will be fine etc? Pretty much never.

In fact, it's kinda the opposite -- it's like she takes it upon herself to rake up all the crap I've blocked out and asks me how am I going to deal with whatever crappy thing is coming up.

Reassuring as in saying I'm a good / brilliant / all-round God's gift to humanity kinda thing? On a few (thankfully, rare) occasions that I shut down pretty quickly (usually just staring at her takes care of it).

Reassurance in clinical settings
Where appropriate, reassurance can be an important aspect of psychotherapeutic techniques particularly where people feel they are going mad, are going to be sectioned, or that there is something seriously wrong with them.

What is excessive reassurance-seeking?
Excessive reassurance-seeking is common and can
worsen symptoms in a range of anxiety and mood
disorders. The aim is often to prevent catastrophe
and reduce harm, tension and distress (Salkovskis
1985). It includes excessively seeking medical care,
internet-searching, checking bodily symptoms or
using hidden cognitive reassurance such as covert
counting in obsessive–compulsive disorder.
Excessive reassurance-seeking is addictive. It
quickly diminishes anxiety, leading to immediate
relief. However, the relief does not last and
reassurance-seeking returns. This backfires
because it strengthens the belief that, had reassur-
ance not been sought, anxiety may have increased
and the feared consequence occurred. Thus, the
behaviour is reinforced. Reassurance-seeking is
self-perpetuating, as no empirical evidence against
the occurrence of what was feared is observed.

https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&sour...xO7hyBbW-yla0L

[unaluna]

I think their (emphasis) on reassurance is somehow proportional to our (dependence) on denial. Where the words in parentheses can be altered to fit your psyche.

[feralkittymom]

I tend to think that Ts who get reassurance right do it through the sense of presence they exude; the ones who seem to need to verbalize it often feel to me like they miss the boat. My former T was extremely reassuring, but very rarely verbalized it.

[AllHeart]

My t tries to be reassuring to me that she is trustworthy and there to help me, not hurt me like ex-t. Her reassurance comes in the form of her actions matching her words and follow through. She doesn't just feed me a lines of crap like, "oh, tell me everything! You can trust me!"

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by Rayne_

https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&sour...xO7hyBbW-yla0L

????? - I don't understand the point of this in this thread. I mean it is okay - just wondering how it related.

[Argonautomobile]

I find Beavers reassures in a very...generic way. I don't think he's really close enough to my hurts to have anything very profound to say, if that makes any sense. He's not my friend.

I think a lot of reassurance is the same, though. It's all just this sort of milquetoast pap we say because there is nothing much to say about unspeakably awful ****.

Poo-tee-weet and all that.

I don't mind it so much coming from Beavers. He made an attempt. I think that's nice.

Originally Posted by stopdog

????? - I don't understand the point of this in this thread. I mean it is okay - just wondering how it related.

It was supposed to be a link to an article on reassurance seeking behavior. People were asking what reassurance was, so I just googled it, as i was wondering myself how it was defined.

[stopdog]

Ah - okay. It is not what I meant -but it is okay.

Are you reassuring me?

[stopdog]

Not really. More trying to be accepting of that which I have little understanding of and still don't see that info as fitting into this thread. I don't understand why anyone would find anything from a therapist reassuring even if the therapist could manage to do it well.
And those articles don't explain what reassurance is - but to me they more sort of trash a client who wants it. And although I don't understand wanting it from a therapist, I don't like those guys pathologizing it either.

Didnt really read it, but it looks like it was meant for medical settings. It seemed to fit as examples of ts views on reassuring.

[stopdog]

well, perhaps we read it differently.

[annielovesbacon]

Mine does not ever reassure me. She knows that I see right through that crap. It's something I really like about her.

[Elio]

Hmm since I seem to be in the minority here, perhaps I don't know what is meant by reassuring behaviors/statements. Can anyone give specific examples of reassurances that go badly or where the T's are getting it wrong?

[stopdog]

"it is understandable you do X, you are grieving"