Couch 162: Let's Play Ball! (The Baseball Couch)

I'm so stressed over my sister's drama! Now the boyfriend is going to file a restraining order against her, and she'll probably lose custody of the baby. The lawyer says the baby is either going to go to the boyfriend's parents or foster care. So I may never see my niece again

I'm trying to be a good sister and be there for her, but it's draining. I listen to her like 5-6 times a day.

My T was really nice, and encouraged me to come in for a session today. It helped, but I don't see her again for 4 weeks.

This is not a good day.

My kids’ dad brightly wished us a happy anniversary this morning. I’d completely forgotten.
It is a grossly inappropriate sentiment, so much so that I was rattled to the point that I was shaking.

Ugh.

Hugs and headnods all around as appropriate. I just marched around the house holding a bottle of water in each hand for weights, swinging my arms up and down and stuff until I got worn out enough to sleep. Night, couchies.

Art, first-I think your insurance will come thru with a little prodding. Second, if they don't the hospital will "forgive" a huge chunk of what they say you owe. They do that all the time.

Scarlet, if the baby is in foster care you can probably get visitation. In fact, if you want to care for the baby, foster agencies look for relatives willing to do so. They even pay relative foster homes-not that you will get rich, but it will buy diapers and formula.

We would foster the baby. We have the room, money, and time. I told my sister she and her boyfriend should just sign the baby over to us. She said that would never happen because her boyfriend hates my family.

I wish my sister wasn't stupid and reacted off her emotions. The baby belongs with her. She is a good mom.

I am feeling really low and when this happens i am suseptible to my ex and his manipulations. He seems to attack at this point and tries to get me to see he wasnt such a bad guy (he never hit me but would mime hitting which is the same for me) and at times i feel weakened and all this because we agreed to still parent the girls as a unit but i feel this was just a ploy to tie me to him. In 3 years my youngest leaves home and i hope he just disappears into the background. He wanted to stay friends i didnt.

Team Rocky!

((@@))
Smart thinking.

Miming hitting is threatening to hit, and still emotional abuse. If he was a decent human being, he wouldn't be doing such things.

Also, wow at the entitlement he's displaying wanting to stay friends after being an abusive person.

I hope so. But it's hard to give a US insurer the benefit of the doubt.

((Scarlet))
I hope you will still be able to see your niece. After all, the restraing order isn't against you personally.

Sometimes I feel really bitter and hopeless about what's going on in my part of the world regarding LGBTQ rights. Just look at how Indonesia is getting more and more hardline. There's legal stuff going on in my country involving LGBTQ people again.

Can't quite afford to go back to the LGBTQ center, though LGBTQ T was very validating and we talked about assessing my safety levels in the home, and coping with a LGBTQphobic work environment. He understood when I talked about the threat and allure of "conversion therapy", the self harm, the suicidal thoughts, the massive potential for family rejection. He gave me resources.

T has been empathic, and accepting but she's never quite understood the self loathing one internalises from emotional and physical abuse.

Such self loathing isn't completely because of LGBTQphobia, of course, but it plays some part when you grow up with zero positive representation, when LGBTQphobic bullying and harassment is the norm, when you can't even trust therapists or school counsellors to Not Be LGBTQphobic.

It's not easy for anyone to accept themselves, LGBTQ or not, I know.

Hugs, Scarlet. I hope that wherever the baby ends up, you'll be able to have visitation.

Hugs, QM--I'm sorry you have to live in that sort of intolerant environment, your country, your job, and your home.

For those of us who have to see our abusers... I've found this validating.

https://www.pandys.org/articles/seeingyourabuser.html

Your Abuser’s Reaction is Not Reality: Our abusers' reactions after the attack(s) are confusing. They may avoid you or talking about the situation. They may tell you never to tell anyone else. They may lie to others to cover up their actions. If you confront them they may deny it or twist the facts in their favor. Our abusers alter the reality of what happened in their mind to avoid responsibility. If your abuser is a friend, family member, or other trusted individual, these reactions can be extremely hurtful. It can intensify feelings of self-blame and shame. Our abusers' denial can make it difficult for to recognize what truly happened.
In short: Don’t believe your abuser’s reaction. Remind yourself their response serves to deflect the truth to protect only them.
Having to see your abuser is never easy. It will always serve as a reminder of the horrible trauma they put you though. Nothing can erase what happened. But seeing your abuser does not have to make you feel out of control—it can empower you.

EDIT: deleted rant because the person in question visits a lot of the same places I do

Goodness, couch. Hugs and other affirmative support as appropriate. It's been a rough couple of days it seems.

Piling on, I think I have the flu. I have a fever, chills, headache, body aches, etc. Doctor's appointment at 12.

I hope your flu gets better!

Ugh, hope you feel better soon, Daisy!

Scarlet and QM, hugs. Daisy, hugs. Hope the flu gets better. Flu is terrible this year and the vaccine was barely effective this year.

Hi, couch..my fathers expected discharge date from the hospital is Friday. I can’t wait until he is out because I’m tired of going to the hospital every day with all those germs. This is actually the last day I’ll be visiting him because the next 3 days I’ll be working 8am to 6pm. My mother will have to take it by herself from tomorrow on out. By the way, not a single doctor went into his room yesterday at all, except that shrink that I kicked out. I plan to complain to administrators when I go today that no doctors came in yesterday. That is just negligent on their part and they will hear about it when I arrive. He’s supposed to be in one of the best hospitals around. So, that is not gonna fly. Not with me. Nope. I’m in rare form and ready to go make a big stink about it.

Art, my heart goes out to you with the insurance situation. It's hard enough to cope with the medical event, but piling on with insurance hassles puts it over the top. If it helps to know, this is how it goes a lot of the time. As others have said, the hospital will be your ally in trying to recover payment from your insurance, whether that's through correcting coding (which has happened to me) or providing supporting documentation about your husband's condition. I have an in-law who is always fighting his insurance company for things they really have no obligation to pay for (unlike your situation) and I'll be d**ned of they don't always end up paying. Also, as has been said, the hospital may also write some of this off. Just hang in there. Keep good records of who you talk to and what they said and when, and start a file system so that when the bills come in, you can be organized and pro-active.

yes it is especially when i work for them (well, the pharmacy division anyway) and i see every single day many times how they deny coverage of medication people need. it's a heartbreaking part of my job to have to tell people that. i do it via email now, so i don't hear them crying or yelling at me on the phone anymore, but it's still heartbreaking.

Okay. Off to the hospital to go roll some heads. By the time I get done with them-every doctor they have on staff will be in my dads room.
Peace out.✌️

Been here for an hour. So far 2 doctors came in. And that’s how you get things done. Sometimes I hate the un medicated version of me but for times like this-I love the un medicated version of me!

You know what they say, Jersey. You've got to crack the eggs to make an omelet.

Life update: I do indeed have influenza.

Ugh, I'm sorry to hear that, Daisy! Is this going to impact your fertility treatment cycle? I hope you feel better soon!