[Tangerine87]

T said he is worried that I am being too dependent on him and that maybe I am projecting my feelings on him. What does this mean? Will he terminate my therapy? I would be crushed.

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by Tangerine87

T said he is worried that I am being too dependent on him and that maybe I am projecting my feelings on him. What does this mean? Will he terminate my therapy? I would be crushed.

I would ask him exactly what you asked here: "What does this mean? Will you terminate?"

[DP_2017]

He may change boundaries but I doubt he would terminate, it would be awful of him to do so. He probably thinks that you need to find other people aside from him to depend on, my T has said that to me

Just ask, only he knows what he means really

[AllHeart]

I would ask for clarification, like, in what ways does he feel you are too dependent on him and how can he help you become independent?

I agree, ask for clarification. He should be able to pinpoint his concerns and together you should be able to work through it. It's what he's there for. Best of luck!!

[SalingerEsme]

What came before him saying this- the context? How long have you been seeing him? That would make me worry too, and it isn't very tactful. I hope he doesn't mean to terminate with you, but more encourage you.

[mcl6136]

If you would be crushed, that is what he means. Over time, integrating the lessons, gains and even his regard for you is your job. Eventually, you will see he gift of your work together but no longer feel dependant on him
You will get there in time.

[TeaVicar?]

Originally Posted by Tangerine87

T said he is worried that I am being too dependent on him and that maybe I am projecting my feelings on him. What does this mean? Will he terminate my therapy? I would be crushed.

This does not sound like a helpful thing to say to someone in therapy. A lot of therapists base their work on the client projecting feelings onto them. How bizarre that he sees that as a problem. Have you been seeing him for long? I hope that you get some clarification from him.

[doogie]

I always worry that I am becoming too dependent on my T and I express this regularly. My T says that it is HER job to make sure that the conditions of our relationship don't lend themselves to me becoming too dependent by monitoring feelings, boundaries, helping me rely on myself first, etc. She isn't cold about it all, and she is def. there for me when I need her, but she really helps me.

If your T is worried about dependency on your part, I think that issue is in his hands. As clients, I think it's natural to have some dependency on our T and it is the T's job to make sure it isn't 'too much'. I believe your T shouldn't be pushing this off on you, totally. Of course you are involved - it's a relationship - but he is involved, too. Maybe you can talk w/him about ways he can help you lessen your dependence, if that is indeed a problem. Good luck and thoughts!

[Nammu]

It probably means he wants you to utilize coping skills when you get into distress instead of depending on him to de stress you.

[satsuma]

I just want to point out that you are not the only person to feel dependent their T during therapy! It can be totally normal for this to happen. It definitely happened to me.

Perhaps he wants to open a discussion about the coping skills you use and how you could work on those or expand them, and maybe how you could expand your social network, meet more people and so on. Obviously I don't know your situation so I'm just guessing.

I really think he could have been more tactful though. Is he a new T, or one still in training, perhaps?

[musinglizzy]

I agree with what others said.... it would help to know what provoked him to say this. My T promoted dependency, then when I got attached, she tightened her boundaries and really set me back. It is good that he is noticing this, but I'm not so sure it was very helpful for you for him to tell you this quite yet. But...that's my opinion based on not being aware of any backstory