T cancelled on me, I'm devastated. What now?!

Hi there,

Today, I was meant to see my therapist which I have been anticipating for two weeks. It's been a confusing tumultuous time for me and so DESPERATELY need to see my therapist. What's mad is that last night, I went over the possibilities of my therapist not being able to make today's appointment!!! Turns out, she can't.

I know this is routine with therapists - sometimes they can't make the appointment, that's fine. But now I'm stuck and don't know what to do. It'll probably be another two weeks before our next session. Unfortunately there's no way of me contacting her before then.

What would you guys do if your therapist cancelled last minute at a time in which you had something you desperately needed to talk about???? Thanks so much in advance!!!

No way to contact her? How did she contact you? There should always be a way for clients, even if it means calling the company and asking to talk to them or get their VM. I'd find way to contact them and try to see, since she called, if she can get me in sooner

Hi there,

She doesn't work independently/privately but for a department managed by an organisation so the receptionist is who contacts me about appointments. We don't have eachothers phone numbers so I can't call or text her. I don't know what a VM is.

If I want to, I can call the reception and ask for an appointment to be made sooner but although I'm desperate, I'm not that desperate, not enough to create a fuss/hassle. Unfortunately, she's unwell which is why she cancelled so this is really down to her.

I was hoping for coping strategies/alternatives to waiting however long until I see her next

Sorry your t had to cancel. I know how disappointing that can be!

I don't think that you would be "making a fuss" just by calling the receptionist and asking for an earlier appointment. Making and rescheduling appts is part of her job. You have a right to ask for a sooner appt. You may not be able to get in sooner, but there's nothing wrong with asking. Also, if there isn't an earlier appt, you could ask them to let you know if they get a cancellation.

VM--voicemail

And I agree it isn't making a fuss, it's the reaction most people would have, it's part of her job to expect such things to happen, especially with a cancel, worth a call I'd say

I agree. You could see if there's something in the next week or two. If nothing else, you could get your next appointment set up, even if it's not for 2 weeks, so that you'll know when it will be. I know i always feel better having something set up.

This is true but as I'm not the only patient she'd have seen today, there are a few people who have been cancelled on so I imagine some of them might call in themselves.. I just don't feel comfortable calling in at this point as my T is unwell so the next appt depends on her health/when she recovers

In the mean time, I'm gonna trydistracting myself from what's bothering me instead

Well coping strategy 1: talk here about what's bothering you.

Would you be up for that?

One important thing I have learned in therapy is that it's not my job to take care of my therapist. She will do what she can to help me, she wants to be there for me, and she will say "no" or "I'm sorry but you have to wait" if she can't do what I want her to do. It's definitely okay to ask. Also, you have no way of knowing how many clients she was planning to see that day or how much flexibility she has in her schedule. She (or the receptionist) might be able to fit you in sooner than two weeks if you ask. Your needs are just as important as the needs of any other client.

Sometimes I assume my therapist won't have any time available and magically a spot appears when I ask. My guess is that she puts off her dedicated paperwork time to see me, which seems like a reasonable trade-off and one I bet she doesn't mind making. But I have no idea since she's in charge of making those decisions about her own time.

As for coping skills, I recommend journaling and/or posting here about what's bothering you. I find exercise (especially outside, even if it's just a brisk walk) helpful. Watching a funny movie and cuddling up in a blanket to distract yourself. Making a new healthy recipe. Taking a nap or just lying down and listening to music. Calling a friend you haven't talked to in a while. These are all things that help me sometimes, depending on what's bothering me.

definitely call in and see if you can get another appointment sooner. they can only say no. Waiting 4 weeks is not going to be good for you. How come it's every 2 weeks, can you get once a week sessions? Hope you are ok.

Here are my strategies, in no particular order

See a friend;
post crazily here;
Get outdoors;
journal;
go back over notes or other memories of good appointments;
try to reconstruct some of my better appointments
count blessings
review progress I've made in therapy
decompensate

Harass him via text and email

Haha jk. Er...yeA

Listen to a therapy podcast in which your diagnosis/ issues are discussed. There are some amazing people out there.

Do something out of your routine- like get a cupcake or a latte or new mittens

Adopt a dog, cat, orchid, fish

Go for a hike/ jog

This scenario shook my faith in my T, and it hasn't ever been the same. I think because they read so much into us skipping or missing it starts to be very meaningful the session times. If they ask patients to view the time as sacrosanct, but then cancel themselves without the 24 hour notice they demand, it starts to feel like thy don't care or like the power differential is right in the client's face???
It is hard when emotionally you try to open yourself to a T, and then they peace out on a session when you really need them. Sorry this happened.

Great list- I giggled at decompensate bc that's what T is hoping doesn't happen

I don't think it's "routine" for a therapist to cancel appointments. It happens occasionally, yes, people get sick or something urgent comes up, but it's not routine and it shouldn't be. Especially when you don't see your T very often anyway.

Things to do instead: go for a walk or bike ride, yoga, some other exercise. I like baking and gardening. Journaling is good. Meet up with friends or make plans.

I think a lot of T's are clueless with how their absence can negativily affect their clients.

Getting ready for a date is nothing compared to the build up of preparing to have a session for a lot of clients. Then we get a sudden message its cancelled like its no big deal.

It took until recently for my T to ask how I felt about the three week christmas break.... Oh you wanna ask me now?!

Try to come up with a safety-plan, so to speak. Make sure you're safe and do something good during this time.

My T told me last night it's gonna be 3 weeks.... 3 WEEKS, I wanted to cry? Well, I kept it together, wished her a great time (everyone needs time off, and she does deserve it)... But then I left the building and almost cried. Geez, what the hell.... Going through rough times, as well, but I'll be okay. you will be, too.

What I'll do....
journal
write (turn my pain into poetry)
volunteer
try to focus on something else since I am too focused on her
listen to sad songs (to live the emotions and not bury them)
hell, and next time, I'll tell her I missed her (if that's the case)

Hang in there!

Hi all, I've read each post and want to say thanks for the suggestions!!

Nobody has been in touch as to when my next session will be, I think if they turn around and say it'll be another 2 weeks I may consider asking for a sooner appointment. But in the mean time, I have been doing what some have suggested such as getting out, cooking and journaling to name a few and it's going well! so thanks a bunch, I really appreciate it

Oh nooo!!! Getting emotional about a therapists absence is perfectly reasonable, I think it shows the close, powerful bond you both share. I perfectly understand how difficult that can be, I remember when my art therapist went on maternity leave. Goodness me.

Great positive attitude we'll be alright

Do you know that they're supposed to contact you about the next session? Or do you need to contact them? If you haven't heard in a couple days, you may want to contact the receptionist.

Glad you're handling things OK!