[justbreathe1994]

Some days it’s just too much. Today I figured out something about my T and now I have reason to believe she has been acting unethical and it’s causing me a lot of pain. Obviously I can’t knkw for certain, but my deepest fear is that she’s sleeping with another client. I feel crazy... because I know how crazy that must sound coming from someone with such messed up attachment issues. I want to run away from her, but sometimes that just feels like too much so I pretend to forget everything and just keep going, as if no rupture or painful interaction ever occurred. However, no matter how hard I try to “lock” my feelings up, they still creep up until they totally overwhelm me once again. I feel like I am forever going to be attached to her, always unsure of whether she’s even an ethical therapist. She deflects things back to me, so it’s easy to believe I’m the crazy one. For the most part, that has always been my strategy with her, but deep down, I feel uncertain. I feel lost and like I can’t even trust myself... My only options are to trust her, but my doubts are becoming stronger and I don’t know how to keep faking it anymore. I don’t trust her, I just want to run away. But I don’t know how, because what if I’m wrong?

Not sure what I’m needing from posting this. I think I needed to just vent for a moment.

[DP_2017]

Well without legit proof, I would not use it as a reason to leave her, it could be false and then you may feel worse.

that being said..... I get this in a somewhat way. I too often feel like running away, but not for the same reason, mine is out of fear of getting to close... because it will leave me hurt in the end and feeling rejected etc... things I can't deal with

It's hard though because my attachment sucks me back in week after week, so even when I'm exhausted or sick of therapy and want to quit, the idea of him leaving my life on MY terms... well it's something i can't live with

I am sorry this is so tough for you, attachment and all the stuff that goes with it is scary and stressful. If your T is being that unethical, it also sucks and I am sorry you had to find out

[HD7970GHZ]

I have been where you are. In my case they were being unethical and I should have listened to my gut.

Is it your gut (intuition) that is telling you this? In my experience, my gut is right 9 times out of 10. Perhaps for you it is different.

While it is healthy to remain self-aware of your suspicions and cast doubt on them in order to determine more closely identify facts - if you are seeing a lot of red flags overtime - there may actually be something that is going on. The important thing to remember is that even though something may be going on, does not mean that it is exactly what you think is going on.

I recommend seeking a second opinion from someone else you trust *(if you have that.)

Thanks,
Hd7970ghz

[nottrustin]

I sometimes feel this way. Right now it is pretty strong for different reasons though. I feel she let me down and I would rather walk away rather than feel this way.

[mcl6136]

I'm sorry it's getting so distressing. I have also wanted to bolt..and have bolted. I can certainly understand that impulse. Have you always felt this way about this T or is this new? Why exactly do you suspect that your T is carrying on an affair with another client? I hope you can get at least some peace....

Unless the client was you that she was sleeping with, how would you know for certain?

Without solid proof, it just sounds like heresay.

[MoxieDoxie]

What is everyones idea of unethical?

I thought my ex-T was killing me by holding back outside contact after a year of constantly checking in on me between sessions through skype, emails, almost daily to completely stopping. It was gut wrenching.

To me that was damaging and unethical.

How about taking a break if it feels overwhelming at the moment? A few weeks or months?

[TishaBuv]

You can just not go back. Just don’t make another appointment. If this t is damaging you, just stop seeing them.

This of course, could be all part of the work.
Betrayal by the (m)other and feeling trapped and powerless.

[DP_2017]

People have suggested me to quit or break, even my T, but I can't. Not only because of the attachment aspect but the way I am, I NEED routine, if it breaks, I will lose interest. I wont ever go back and finish things, it's that simple.

Maybe OP is similar in that sense, if not though, then yes, maybe a break is good, even a short one like try bi weekly.