[SarahSweden]

I left my former therapist from one week to another after trying to talk to her about several things she said that hurt me but she didn´t take any responsibility and didn´t understand what harm she´d done.

It´s now a year ago and I still think about it even if I never regretted ending my sessions with her. But I feel I never got any restitution and I´ll have to live with that until the memory about what happened just fades. I sometimes regret I didn´t report her but as I was the one who left, they had just blamed me for that and ignored her role in the situation.

(This post is not about trying to contact this therapist but sharing thoughts with those who have experienced leaving their therapist suddenly).

[Skeezyks]

Well... I've quit every therapist I've ever seen. They ranged from mediocre to dreadful. The last one, who was actually the best of the lot, I just called up one evening & cancelled. That was the end of that.

My first therapist yeah. I realised it would never be resolved with him. I'm glad I got away though I am still severely scarred.

[benzenering]

Yes, I was even a chicken and called to cancel on a Sunday afternoon when I knew he wouldn't answer the phone. Left a message, canceling forever. And that...was that.

[maybeblue]

Yes. I have just cancelled an appointment, told the secretary I'd call back and make another one, and then just never do it. One of my therapists told me that most people do it that way. Most clients don't really want a big "goodbye" session apparently.

It's possible that even if you had confronted your therapist and told her why you were leaving she might not have heard you or responded to your feelings. But since you still feel bad about it after all this time, you might need to figure out some way to resolve it within yourself. Maybe talking to another therapist would help? Or journalling? Posting about it on here? Something to validate your own feelings.

[Anne2.0]

I left the first and only group therapy that I did, because of the therapist. (I later did a peer support group, which was incredibly helpful). I did go in and talk to her about what was bothering me about how she was running the group (encouraged to do so by my individual therapist, who had nothing to do with the group therapist). I left after only a few minutes as I recall the group therapist telling me that I was the problem and I didn't feel heard by her. This was a long time ago, but I remember discussing with my individual therapist that the group wasn't right for me at that time. Long time later, I wondered if I could have made some more progress if I'd stuck it out, but I am sure that it wasn't right for me-- whether it was the therapist's issue, my issue, or some combination.

In my experience, some things can't be resolved and just walking away is the better course. Other times, I have been able to resolve things with a therapist and am glad I did. This is similar to how other interpersonal things have gone at work or in relationships-- sometimes you can resolve things and it's worth the effort, sometimes it's not. What I would give for a crystal ball that tells me the right direction to go . . . .

[zoiecat]

I may be leaving my therapist shortly depending on how my next session goes. We need to be brutally honest with each other and I need some answers so I can decide if it is better to quit or stay.

[junkDNA]

No but it's a huge fantasy of mine

[bobcat21]

Me too. It would be awesome I would be like later storm out and and say never bother me me again then I remember I need certain medications:/

[annielovesbacon]

Not with a therapist, but with my pdoc. He was a nice man, but he did not listen to me when I told him a medication didn't work or how it was affecting me. He also refused to believe I had bipolar disorder, despite having that diagnosis from two separate therapists, so he never would prescribe me a mood stabilizer even though I asked (and now I'm on one and it actually helps... imagine that).
I just skipped my scheduled appointment and never rescheduled. I don't feel bad or guilty about it. It is a little awkward I guess because my new pdoc is in the same clinic, so I sometimes see my old pdoc while I'm in the waiting room. But if he's upset for some reason about me leaving, he can get over it.

[stopdog]

Yes of course. I never found that therapists were any good at working things out with and if I could not find a different use for them, I left.

[Amyjay]

I may or may not return to my therapist next week. I most likely will, but for now I need to pretend I will not. If I don't I will simply not go back.

[SummerTime12]

Yes. I couldn’t see her for 3 months while I was in an intensive outpatient program, and afterwards I just didn’t go back for a closure session. I had every intention of returning to therapy as usual with her before the program, but those 3 months made me realize I needed a diffferent approach

[velcro003]

I left my last T of 5.5 years after an e-mail. We had spaced out sessions for the summer (going down to once a month), when I realized she couldn't help me out of this stuck spot I was in. I e-mailed that I couldn't come back. She said she would like it if I came back for at least a final session, but I never wrote back.

I don't really regret it, though I do feel a little bad I just left and never said what was TRULY bothering me.

Either way, I am with a better T, and I wouldn't leave her without telling her why.

[magicalprince]

Yeah, my first therapist I tried seeing... I just said I wanted to leave one day. She got really angry and told me I was making a mistake. Never regretted that.

[SarahSweden]

Thanks. I did confront that therapist, I told her I wanted another therapist and I also told her why and what had upset me. But as part of her answer was "I could have said that to another patient as well", I realised that she didnt´´t want to understand me nor did we share the same values about how to treat another human being.

Yes, I totally agree it´s more or less neccessary to resolve this in one way or the other. I´ve brought this up with a counsellor I see in church and I hope she´ll manage to resolve this together with me.

I also agree it´s very important to get ones feelings validated, it´s valuable to read about yours and others experiences around this.

Originally Posted by maybeblue

Yes. I have just cancelled an appointment, told the secretary I'd call back and make another one, and then just never do it. One of my therapists told me that most people do it that way. Most clients don't really want a big "goodbye" session apparently.

It's possible that even if you had confronted your therapist and told her why you were leaving she might not have heard you or responded to your feelings. But since you still feel bad about it after all this time, you might need to figure out some way to resolve it within yourself. Maybe talking to another therapist would help? Or journalling? Posting about it on here? Something to validate your own feelings.

[JacksonLiam]

I left my first therapist abruptly because after telling multiple times that he loved me, when I invited him to act on it he pulled the transference card. Come to find out he left his job a year later and divorced two years later and then came to a function that he knew I would be at but I was still so raw that I didn't want to speak to him. I didn't know he had left his wife which is what I wanted. But alas he still hasn't come find me which I always thought that he would after those two years.

Originally Posted by zoiecat

I may be leaving my therapist shortly depending on how my next session goes. We need to be brutally honest with each other and I need some answers so I can decide if it is better to quit or stay.

Now Im curious

I left my first T in the middle of really nasty conflicts that had nothing to do with what I was in therapy for. Twice, because he convinced me after a~year break to go back to "resolve" things. Never worked and actually made it much worse, so I quit again and this time for good. I am not sure there are always "things to solve" when a therapy does not work or when client and therapist have conflicts. In my case, for example, nothing could have resolved that I really disliked almost everything about that T, had zero respect left for him, and found his approach useless for me. It wasn't transference for the most part but a massive personality clash. My leaving and not beating each-other further was better for both of us, I think.

[HD7970GHZ]

Yup I did just a week ago.

My therapist decided to alter her notes (despite the fact that she knew this was my previous trauma in therapy). It is not only a re-traumatization, it is also a re-victimization.

She is highly unethical.

I was heartbroken and almost ended my life because of this. Still suffering nightmares, panic attacks and constant intrusive memories and PTSD somatic symptoms. I continued to go to her and see how far she would go in her lies. She repeatedly tried to gaslight me into believing that I was experiencing hyper-vigilance (due to past experiences) and that she did not change her notes. She DID change her notes. This is common and it has happened to me before.

I am broken. I should have never gone back to this therapist. She is a horrible person and a horrible therapist and SOOOO unethical.

Thanks,
HD7970ghz

[Moment]

I had a brewing conflict with a therapist (not my usual one, but one I was consulting on another matter with my usual one's knowledge) and it resulted in a blow-up. I came in the next week, ready and willing to try to talk through the problem. The therapist was hugely defensive, seemingly angry, and unwilling to own any part of the problem or to admit that she had done anything wrong in any way. I left, never to return. I do not regret it.

But then, I have had other experiences with other people and other therapists when I have gone back, we wrangled, but then we came to a better place in the end. I think there is something to be said for really seriously trying to solve the problem before abruptly leaving. After all, if our relationship troubles from real life will manifest themselves in the therapy relationship, then part of the whole point of therapy is to work through them. But you've got to have a good faith partner. If the therapist isn't capable of or willing to look at themselves and to really ponder their own contribution and 'fess up to it, then I think leaving might be the only option.