[justbreathe1994]

Maybe “owe” isn’t the right word, but do you feel like they ought to out of courtesy? My therapist won’t tell me even though I asked.

[atisketatasket]

I think they should, generally. I don’t think they have to reveal anything too personal (not like my husband is dying, but just say there’s a family issue to deal with, etc.).

I think that because other professionals virtually always explain to me why they need to cancel or reschedule. So I think it’s courtesy, and also if a client is in a fragile state who knows what they might think about the cancellation.

[Deejay14]

Originally Posted by justbreathe1994

Maybe “owe” isn’t the right word, but do you feel like they ought to out of courtesy? My therapist won’t tell me even though I asked.

No I don't think they owe you an explanation. They are allowed to be private just as you can make the choice to not give a detailed reason.

[musinglizzy]

Mine canceled on me last night.... was supposed to have a session at 2 today, and she Emailed me around 9:15. She DID give an explanation.... lots of snow headed our way, and she was flying out Friday for a weekend conference. She didn't want to risk flight cancelations, so she rescheduled her flight for this morning. HOnestly, I find it helpful to know why, and am thankful my T does tell me.

I was really irritated.....not only had I just taken care of "an issue" I'd been having with soemone, I timed it knowing I'd have therapy the next day and could talk about it. But, I also had to scramble with vehicle swapping for today, and had JUST arranged my plan for that. I wasn't irritated so much that she canceled, but because she didn't give me a little more notice. She waited till she had a chance to access her Email, because we don't talk on the phone, and although we used to text, she made a no-text boundary a couple of years ago. But I would think, in the case of a cancellation, she could have shot me a quick text instead of waiting until she got to her laptop later in the evening. She didn't know, of course, that I needed my husband's vehicle today, and also needed mine for my session, but had I found out even half an hour earlier, that would have saved some trouble (actually taking hubby into work so he could bring the company vehicle home, so I could use the truck to haul a horse this morning, and my car for my session). The parking lot is small, and it's not fun trying to park his big 'ol truck in there....and I didn't want to unhook the trailer anyway, just to go to my session, then have to hook it back up again. So, next session I will bring this up. I will (and do) abide by her no texting rule, but I still would prefer if she's cancelling, that she text me to let me know when she knows, except waiting until her "usual" computer time before she goes to bed. I was irritated, because of all of the planning I'd done to make it to the session, just to have her cancel it 10 minutes after I got back from driving hubby to work to get his work truck.

[SalingerEsme]

Everyone is probaby tired of hearing abut this, so I wont recap the whole thing, but my T switching on a dime from empathy/ blue eye eye contact , and encouragement to trust him with this particular memory gave way to Oh I will be out of town Friday . It was like the clock struck 50 minutes , and he had never met me in his life. Literally I am still upset right now, and it was like the day the music died in therapy. Yes, I think they should b courteous and normal, especially if they are sticklers about clients not missing sessions. Don't you immediately want to skip now?

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by musinglizzy

Mine canceled on me last night.... was supposed to have a session at 2 today, and she Emailed me around 9:15. She DID give an explanation.... lots of snow headed our way, and she was flying out Friday for a weekend conference. She didn't want to risk flight cancelations, so she rescheduled her flight for this morning. HOnestly, I find it helpful to know why, and am thankful my T does tell me.

I was really irritated.....not only had I just taken care of "an issue" I'd been having with soemone, I timed it knowing I'd have therapy the next day and could talk about it. But, I also had to scramble with vehicle swapping for today, and had JUST arranged my plan for that. I wasn't irritated so much that she canceled, but because she didn't give me a little more notice. She waited till she had a chance to access her Email, because we don't talk on the phone, and although we used to text, she made a no-text boundary a couple of years ago. But I would think, in the case of a cancellation, she could have shot me a quick text instead of waiting until she got to her laptop later in the evening. She didn't know, of course, that I needed my husband's vehicle today, and also needed mine for my session, but had I found out even half an hour earlier, that would have saved some trouble (actually taking hubby into work so he could bring the company vehicle home, so I could use the truck to haul a horse this morning, and my car for my session). The parking lot is small, and it's not fun trying to park his big 'ol truck in there....and I didn't want to unhook the trailer anyway, just to go to my session, then have to hook it back up again. So, next session I will bring this up. I will (and do) abide by her no texting rule, but I still would prefer if she's cancelling, that she text me to let me know when she knows, except waiting until her "usual" computer time before she goes to bed. I was irritated, because of all of the planning I'd done to make it to the session, just to have her cancel it 10 minutes after I got back from driving hubby to work to get his work truck.

Ugh, that's really annoying--you'd think she could break "no texting" rule for that! What about if she says texting is only for scheduling? (So would also work if you had to cancel on her for some reason.) That's my current T's boundary around that--text is only for scheduling--and it seems to work pretty well.

[AllHeart]

I think they should out of courtesy. Details aren't necessary so long as the general explanation is enough to not leave the client in wonder or worry.

Also, I think to not provide any explanation can provoke a lot of wonder and worry in many clients. It would me.

[SalingerEsme]

This thread itself is therapy

[Bipolarchic14]

One time not really if it’s starting to happen repeatedly I think they should provide an Explanation. With that said when my therapist has canceled she’s always told me why.

[velcro003]

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

I think that because other professionals virtually always explain to me why they need to cancel or reschedule. So I think it’s courtesy, and also if a client is in a fragile state who knows what they might think about the cancellation.

i will say that no other professional has told me why they had to cancel? I guess I don't know any others where they would cancel on me.

My T's always have told me why they had to cancel. They were sick, kids sick, had to go to a conference...etc.

[LonesomeTonight]

I'm not sure about "owe," but I think it can help. The one time my current T has canceled on me, he said it was because he hurt his back and had to get it checked out. That made me understand and feel it wasn't anything personal (helped that he was able to reschedule me 2 days later).

Many of you know about my marriage counselor's many cancellations, which I later learned were usually due to his wife's illness, then passing. But many of those cancellations came without explanation--just the receptionist calling to say he wasn't able to come in that day. Maybe "family emergency" was used a couple times, but I'm pretty sure there were some without any explanation. And that was difficult. Yes, I understand he would have wanted to not disclose everything that was going on...but to at least let us know it was a family health issue. Or something to let us know it wasn't anything to do with me/us, particularly once he knew I was dealing with transference. It put me in a place where I never felt like sessions were actually going to happen until we were in the waiting room--even then, one time, we went back there, he said an "urgency" had come up, and he could only keep us 20 minutes (he didn't charge us). Had I know early on he was dealing with a family member's health issue--even if he didn't disclose who--I think that would have helped. Or maybe not, I don't know...whatever the reason, frequent cancellations within 24 hours of session are difficult...

[ElectricManatee]

My T has always told me why she has to cancel. I guess I don't know that I feel like she owes me an explanation, but I appreciate knowing the reason because I would feel uneasy and maybe a bit worried if she didn't (is she okay? are her kids okay? is this going to be an ongoing thing or a one-off?, etc). Sometimes she calls to cancel and spends 10-15 minutes checking in with me if I have the time; other times she just cancels via email.

If it rarely happens, I personally prefer if they just send a brief, polite note and do not explain why.

[maybeblue]

I guess they don't owe us an explanation really, but it seems weird that yours wouldn't even tell you something general. I certainly wouldn't want any descriptions of explosive diarrhea or anything like that, but saying that he had to cancel because he was sick seems reasonable.

I think mine have always told me without me asking. I guess I did ask my therapist if he was going somewhere fun when he said he'd be out of town next week. I'm not sure I really cared all that much. I was sort of asking just to be polite and it seems the thing you do. He told me where he was going.

Frankly I think they might as well just tell us. Otherwise who knows what we will imagine. Similar to I told my coworkers I was seeing a therapist because I have to leave early...and if I said "doctor" they'd think something worse was wrong. Why make them worry?

[InnerPeace111]

I think that if a T does not offer an explanation, then we can assume it is for a personal reason that they do not wish to share. I am cool with that and I would never take it personally. As clients, we retain that right as well.

[atisketatasket]

Originally Posted by velcro003

i will say that no other professional has told me why they had to cancel? I guess I don't know any others where they would cancel on me.

“Your hair stylist has been called out of town suddenly, can you reschedule?”

“Ma’am, I’m going to be late picking you up because I’m stuck behind an accident on the freeway.”

That kind of thing.

[stopdog]

I don't think so - I really never cared. I rarely told the woman why I was cancelling and if she asked I just smiled and said I did not think she needed to know.

[annielovesbacon]

I don't expect an explanation, but I appreciate them when given, especially if it's a super last-minute, same-day cancelation.

[starfishing]

I do think it's helpful and courteous in general to give a basic explanation. It doesn't have to be a ton of detail, but I definitely appreciate that my therapist consistently at least specifies along the lines of family emergency vs. childcare issue vs. going to a conference, etc.. They all have different implications in terms of amount of notice possible, potential long-term/ongoing impact, and future scheduling decisions, so personally I like having that information.

[LadyShadow]

I have had my therapist for 10 years, and he has rarely cancelled. He did cancel recently though, and didn't give a reason. I guess it kind of irked me a little, that he didn't give me that courtesy, you know with our long history and all.

Also, we see each other twice a month, so his cancellation meant only one session for that entire month.

[Wonderfalls]

I know I'm spoiled but the prior one never cancelled in 15 years unless he was on vacation or at a conference and then he gave me plenty of notice and also made up the session. This new one has already skipped a week and cancelled another appointment without a word of explanation. I find that very annoying. I wouldn't call her smug, but the idea that you don't need even an acknowledgement to your client seems smug and self-centered.

[junkDNA]

I don't feel they owe an explanation but an explanation would be nice. My t offers one without my asking most times. But I do not feel he owes me it and I wouldn't pressure him to tell me

[ChickenNoodleSoup]

I don't want an in depth explanation of what's going on, but I want to get a general idea. Whether someone is sick, T has to be somewhere suddenly, or whether he just doesn't feel like it. Because depending on what the reason is, I'll continue to see that T or not.

I think the word "owe" has a loaded connotation. We're rarely owed anything in our lives, so no, therapists don't owe clients explanations when they cancel. I would consider it a professional courtesy if they offered something, but it may not always be appropriate.

I know that I'm lucky in that I've never had a therapist last minute cancel on me. My old therapist liked to reschedule me, though, and never offered an explanation why. It was problematic once, but there was a lot more going on than a rescheduled appointment.

[Myrto]

Originally Posted by Deejay14

No I don't think they owe you an explanation. They are allowed to be private just as you can make the choice to not give a detailed reason.

I don't see how saying "I have the flu" is them not being allowed to be private. Therapists don't have to go into great details, especially if it's something really bad that could impact therapy ("my husband is dying") but simply saying "I have to cancel" without any other explanation is rude and harsh.