Feeling second rate

I believe it’s just a reality. Nothing to do with you not being important. If you aren’t as busy it’s only expected that she schedules more busy clients first. It’s just how it works

Saying that if you need emergency appointment but she doesn’t seem to care, then it’s an issue. Is there a reason you only see her every 3-4 weeks? It sounds that you need much higher level of care. At least weekly?

Well, normally, I am able to make it for 3 weeks. We're trying to distance out sessions to where there's no set appointment, and I just see her when needed. It's because we're in maintenance phase. I don't have anything to really process. If things come up, I'm allowed to see her more often. Like my sister getting arrested and cps coming out. That was a lot of stress and needed to be processed, so she offered me a session even though I just saw her the previous week.

Because of my attachment and abandonment issues, I need to constantly know she's there. I typically write one email a week in between sessions to keep that connection with her. But I know I don't need her weekly, not unless something comes up. It's just right now, mu depression is bothering me. I think I spent too much of myself on my sister. So now I'm drained and needing/wanting to be taken care of.

I do admire that you have been able to try doing things this way, to have one session a month essentially. I know you are not asking if people agree with this or not I’ll try to stay away from that piece.

You could tell t that you are trying to follow her plan and give it an honest try but you need x, y, z in order for you to not need a higher level of care.

This t has managed to work well with you, to get you to do something I personally would not have thought to be realistic

To be honest, I didn't think it was possible either. It's not easy for sure. I know a lot of people don't understand or disagree with the once a month session (though I know at least one other person on PC does this). It's not something I can really disagree with. It's this way, quit therapy, or find another T. I don't want another T, and I still need therapy. I know I'm probably going to be a lifer. But at least she gives me a lot of what I need: sessions when needed, transitional objects, weekly emails which she always responds to, hugs, phone calls, is part of my emergency plan, and will (hopefully) never leave me. She's not perfect. There's a lot of things I wish were different (her being more expressive, disclosing more, more touch, weekly sessions), but I get the main things I need from her.

I just need her to be empathetic and understanding right now. I need to feel that she is there. And I need her to listen to my feelings and validate them. Maybe that's expecting too much? But it's what I need.

I like Growly's thought that you could tell T that you are trying to follow her plan and that to do that you need ...

Still hoping for a good session Monday.

I'm so scared for tomorrow! If I believe in everything she's said and done, everything should be okay. But she didn't say everything is okay! She always does.

Trust her track record of actions. I like verbal reassurance a ton too, so I do crave T saying it's OK etc.

Trust her proven actions over words. Some people say reassuring words but don't back them up with reliable actions. Your T has proven reliable with her actions together with verbal reassurance. Her not verbally reassuring this time doesn't mean the track record is wiped out.

I know it's scary - "what if T changes her mind", "what if T is sick of me?' etc, especially if you've a history of people abandoning you. Talk about it with her when you see her, trust her words if she's told you that she will tell you if she's not OK with things.

I hope it goes well with your T today, Scarlet.

I hope everything goes good at your session today

How did things go?

It went good! I really need to trust my T. She listened, understood, empathized, and reassured me! She said that I'm not a second rate client; I'm not disposable. She said that our relationship is important to her and she does value it. We have worked out some solutions for if/when a client affects me. For one, she'll always be truthful and forthcoming. She will also preface it with something acknowledging that it will bother me. I told her that she never said "everything is going to be okay". She apologized for that and for rushing me off the phone. She said that day, for her clients, many of them including me were in a crisis. Even her daughter had a meltdown that day. She agreed to tell me if she's having a bad day, so that I can understand better and maybe be more patient with her. We both agreed that I hold her to high standards. Next time I see her, she's going to write in my journal all of the reassuring things that I like to hear from her. Then maybe I can start to internalize it.

That has definitely helped me - T wrote things on a piece of paper at my request. I'm glad your T is willing to write in your journal all of her reassuring statements!

I'm so glad your session went well. Sometimes I can only see my T once a month and what you're doing is so difficult!

Thank you! I hope her writing them down helps me. She told me last week to go back and read all her reassuring emails. I told her I did, but they didn't help because they were meant for a specific situation, and maybe things have changed. That's why she's going to write them in my journal, so they don't just pertain to one situation.

I haven't actually started this journal, so her writings will be the first page. I think I'm going to start writing about our sessions since they're almost always positive. And this time, instead of writing positive facts, I'm going to write positive feelings too. Maybe I'll included positive sayings I find.

This time I really have to go the 4 weeks without seeing her (unless a crisis comes up). On week 3, she's taking a vacation. I've struggled in the past with 4 weeks. I think I only achieved it once or twice. But I can do this! I have her support even when I can't see her.

Get a cute notebook for your journal! I've a quirky silly design on the notebook I bring to sessions where I write down key items I want to remember. I'd love it if T wrote words in it.

This is the journal I have

It's a lovely journal! Hang in there till when you next see her.

That's a really nice journal! And I love the idea of your therapist writing there 😊

Glad to hear she was truthful and helpful. I think it's great she going to write reassuring things in your journal.we are here for you on PC

That is gorgeous. That is totally you.

And me! My bowling ball was that peacock color, but metallic swirl. Classy is as classy does!

You know that telling your therapist how you feel, regardless of her response, does not make you a bad person. Use this opportunity to more fully explore why you feel this way. Take her out of the equation and maybe this is a pattern of self-blame/shame of how you respond to anyone that doesn’t give you the response that you want/need.

Having said that, I would have similar feelings.