I started to cry while driving to work this morning. Then I started to sob. Then I was hysterical and could barely drive.

I had to call T.

I told him that I don't know how much longer I can go on feeling like this. I can't keep up with anything-- my bills are late, my house is a mess, my plants are dead, etc.

All I can think is that he totally hates me. That when he hears my message he thinks, "I can't do anything about this. What the %#@&#! does she want?"

Being depressed is awful. It's like your whole world just stops. And you try to move, you go through the motions... but everything has stopped.

[Perna]

Hey, don't think about how your T must hate you, think about how we love you

I've done the desperate crying to work thing. It always amazed me how I managed to pull it together by the time I got there and go inside and do my day.

One of the best things my T taught me was if I didn't like how I was feeling, wait around a bit and things would change.

[pegasus]

At least you have enough insight to call T, and you know that he is there to help you through this.

I send hugs ((((((( pinksoil ))))))))

You know I am just a PM away if you need to scream.

Thanks guys.

T called back. He said, "Are you going to be safe? Because I want to make sure we will be together on Saturday."

Be together?

I almost melted.

We talked about the letters that I gave him last week. He said that he wants me to write more of them. One each night, just like I did last week. He said that whether I'm feeling depressed, happy, or whatever... he wants to know. I asked him if, on Saturday, we could talk about the letters I gave him last week. He said he really wanted to. That we would talk a lot about what was in them. And my Erikson paper.

Why can't I be with him right now?

[Perna]

No being with him right now, that would water down the "excitement" and lookingforwardness of/to Saturday and not give you enough time to think about the letters you wrote last week and/or to write new ones for this week.

Really glad he called back so promptly and we don't have to hunt under the bed for him again :-)

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((((( pinksoil ))))))))))))))