Do you feel emotionally frustrated by your T?

[DP_2017]

No.... but "rules" of therapy make me feel emotionally frustrated.

Originally Posted by DP_2017

No.... but "rules" of therapy make me feel emotionally frustrated.

So by keeping the 'rules', he does frustrate you unintentionally perhaps?

[DP_2017]

He doesn't follow all the rules....so not really.... and he didn't make the ones that frustrate me.

However sometimes just in general with mixed messages, I feel frustrated.

[ElectricManatee]

Occasionally, yes. She sometimes sets boundaries that I find nearly intolerable. I don't think the frustration is necessarily bad or wrong, though. I wouldn't want to walk all over her, and I wouldn't want for her to give me everything I want if doing so makes her uncomfortable or unhappy. Sometimes I am frustrated when I can't have what I want from her (emotionally or time-wise or whatever). I think that's part of the process, but it can certainly be a painful part.

[MobiusPsyche]

I guess in the sense that I feel really desperate for her and I know she doesn't feel the same way and can never really fulfill my emotional needs. It is a function of the way therapy is set up though, it's not my T in particular.

[annielovesbacon]

Could you elaborate a little further or maybe give an example of being emotionally frustrated by a therapist? I'm not sure I understand.

Originally Posted by annielovesbacon

Could you elaborate a little further or maybe give an example of being emotionally frustrated by a therapist? I'm not sure I understand.

Todays session for example.

I needed some emotion from him. He knows I struggle and all ended up just feeling like one big business meeting.....

When you grow up emotionaly deprived.... it can feel like hell to be emotionally naked and get no emotional response back. Even just a look of ****ing empathy would go a long way...

Very tempted to quit... I just hate this.

[velcro003]

I put "sometimes," but i really think it is ME who is so stuck and non-verbalizing that frustrates me the most, not my T.

[DP_2017]

Originally Posted by Coming up tails

Todays session for example.

I needed some emotion from him. He knows I struggle and all ended up just feeling like one big business meeting.....

When you grow up emotionaly deprived.... it can feel like hell to be emotionally naked and get no emotional response back. Even just a look of ****ing empathy would go a long way...

Very tempted to quit... I just hate this.

That's what I thought you were getting at which is why I said no, my T is very compassionate and has even cried with me before. He talks very kind and gentle when I'm struggling. So in the emotional sense, no... but in a mixed messages sense he sure does

I would be feeling like you with your T, sounds very frustrating indeed, are you thinking of quitting all together or just with this T?

Originally Posted by DP_2017

That's what I thought you were getting at which is why I said no, my T is very compassionate and has even cried with me before. He talks very kind and gentle when I'm struggling. So in the emotional sense, no... but in a mixed messages sense he sure does

I would be feeling like you with your T, sounds very frustrating indeed, are you thinking of quitting all together or just with this T?

I probably wont quit but not sure if I will go on friday.

I know he has a big heart which is what is frustrating me the most. Its not like his personality is cold and clinical but he is very much an analyst. And if Im in pain, I need more than freud. I know he has cried with other clients... just not with me.

[Amyjay]

Originally Posted by Coming up tails

Todays session for example.

I needed some emotion from him. He knows I struggle and all ended up just feeling like one big business meeting.....

When you grow up emotionaly deprived.... it can feel like hell to be emotionally naked and get no emotional response back. Even just a look of ****ing empathy would go a long way...

Very tempted to quit... I just hate this.

You can talk about this with your T. It's very important.
My T was responding to me in a way that triggered stuff for me. Some of the things she said when I was in a triggered state were very similar to words a parent used with me. I found it really traumatizing.
I wasn't able to tell her that in the moment (in any of the moments) but I was later by email. Once she knew what it triggered and why she adapted her approach. It has been much better since then.
It's okay to talk with your T about this. Its probably important information for your T to know. Its hard when things like that block our paths.

Originally Posted by Amyjay

You can talk about this with your T. It's very important.
My T was responding to me in a way that triggered stuff for me. Some of the things she said when I was in a triggered state were very similar to words a parent used with me. I found it really traumatizing.
I wasn't able to tell her that in the moment (in any of the moments) but I was later by email. Once she knew what it triggered and why she adapted her approach. It has been much better since then.
It's okay to talk with your T about this. Its probably important information for your T to know. Its hard when things like that block our paths.

I spent todays session saying that I am not feeling any emotion from him. It actually felt like it made the problem worse because nothing got resolved. I kind of wish I had stayed home. Ive just had it.

[zoiecat]

I put sometimes but it has nothing to do with boundaries or attachment or anything. I think part of my frustration comes from not being able to trust myself or trust him fully. He's trying his best and pushing me to try to feel my emotions and that is what is so difficult for me to do that is what frustrates me.

[growlycat]

My t is pretty darn gratifying. T’s in the past have not believed it is right for them to gratify any patient needs. Current t seems to be ok with it but admits he can’t be everything to me
So I am way less frustrated than I have been with past therapists. But I still get frustrated but I don’t think he is intentionally trying to make me feel this way.

[MoxieDoxie]

Originally Posted by Coming up tails

Todays session for example.

I needed some emotion from him. He knows I struggle and all ended up just feeling like one big business meeting.....

When you grow up emotionaly deprived.... it can feel like hell to be emotionally naked and get no emotional response back. Even just a look of ****ing empathy would go a long way...

Very tempted to quit... I just hate this.

Yes this is what that new EMDR therapist is like. He can sometimes say the right things but his voice says "I am suppose to say this so the rule book says but I do not mean it." Do they not know we have heightened senses and can feel things are not right?

[junkDNA]

Ohhh yeah

[LonesomeTonight]

Yes, definitely with current T. At times with ex-T. MC (marriage counselor) is generally very good at giving me what I want/need emotionally (though the times he hasn't been have been all the more painful because I know what he's capable of). So the other two pale in contrast...

I wanted to vote no, but they were not damn near perfect, so I went with other. When I did attachment therapy, my therapist said that it was her responsibility to meet my unmet needs and wants as much as possible. She thinks this is true for all her clients as long as she does not sacrifice herself or her family. She is somewhat of a lone wolf in believing that adult unmet attachment needs have to be satisfied if people with insecure attachment styles want to move to a more secure attachment style. She considers this to be true whether you are one or one hundred. These childhood needs can be met in other ways and through different relationships, but most people limp along through life only surviving.

My adult life was unmanageable and childhood torturous because my parents emotionally frustrated me. They were kind parents but did not know how to fulfill my infant/child needs. My therapist believed as the perfect mother reacts to her baby when the baby cries. There are times when the mother cannot meet the babies needs right away, so the baby learns to settle herself. That is where the frustration, aka torture for me came in and I had to self-soothe. In the beginning, it was rough because I felt abandoned, too much, hated by her - my past history of not having my needs met. It was her consistency in responding when she could (quite often in my case) allowed me to trust that she would respond, and my ability to self-soothe grew over time.

I thought this would take the rest of my life. She said we could do it in 18-24 months. Her techniques are not those of 1 -2 times/week talk therapy. She takes one or two attachment clients at a time and is willing to be that good enough parent till the client can do it for themselves.

I have a standby therapist now, and the thought does not even occur to me that she would try intentionally try and frustrate me.

[ChickenNoodleSoup]

I'm mostly frustrated when he doesn't understand something that I just stated before. For example I might say "X doesn't bother me" and then he asks whether X bothers me... But I think frustration is part of any social interaction, and it's fine.

[Mike_J]

Of course she does, but that doesn't change that she is "damn near perfect" and totally adorable

I started to say yes but then realized it's not so much her as it is the convoluted-ness of the relationship the frustrates me.

[stopdog]

No - the woman did try to frustrate my attempts at knowledge about therapy. She would tell me she would answer questions -but when I asked what was supposed to be happening or what the hell she was doing if not just sitting there and collecting money for expensive rent - she would lie and tell me she did not know. But all she could do was not tell me herself. She could not prevent me from hiring other therapists, reading, taking classes etc.
For me, emotion had nothing to do with what I was looking for.

Yes, she says it will push me through my impasses but I beg to differ. She uses Gestalt therapy and that is all about frustrating the client.
When somebody tries to annoy me it really winds me up the wrong way and especially when my t does it. I have quit a few times after her frustrations failed and told her that I am going to see a person centred therapist- she laughs and says good luck with that because you won’t get anywhere with one of those. I feel in a way she is right, I need some frustration but it has to be done sensitively and respectfully and when I am ready. At times her frustrations have been really hurtful at first but then I realise she is right, those were choices I made and continue to make but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt to hear that.

[88Butterfly88]

My t herself doesn't but sometimes the whole process of therapy is emotionally frustrating.