[littleblackdog]

I have recently dipped my toe back into the world of therapy after last years' failed attempt at CBT. I am about halfway through a 6-week block of distress tolerance work and one thing I am really struggling with is describing my feelings.
The psychologist is very nice but every time she asks me how something did/would make me feel I just panic and freeze. I am not used to talking, or even thinking about my feelings. I am much more of a bottle it up and hope it all goes away kind of person, but also there is a huge part of me that thinks she will laugh at me/judge me/think I am ridiculous and stupid.

Logically I know she won't as she is a professional, seems very nice and has not given me any reason to think she will but how can I get over that part of me that is scared to talk about stuff like this?

[SalingerEsme]

It is hard answer pressure to describe feelings if you are not used to doing it. Sometimes there is a list of feeling words from which to choose ? My T sometimes gives me choices, and that helps . I am more used to picking out my feelings now after a year and a half, but it took a long time.

[DP_2017]

I struggle big time with this, I shut down all the time

I find notes are somewhat helpful but there is still times when he will ask stuff about the notes and I refuse to talk because I feel uncomfortable feelings, not sure how to help but letting you know you are not alone

[ElectricManatee]

My T gave me a Feelings Wheel one time. Maybe it would be helpful to see some options of different feelings that are organized into clusters like that.

[zoiecat]

I struggle tremendously with naming my feelings. My T asks about them multiple times each session and I have a hissy fit each time. He tells me to look at my list of words that he has given me. I still struggle. ANGER is the only one I can usually name. Now he is on a new kick where he says anger is made up and fed by other emotions and he will tell me he already knows I feel anger so he wants to hear other emotion words. This causes me to struggle and have a fit even more.

One time I was actually able to answer him on the second try and he had to make a point to say that I am doing better because I told him how I felt on the second try where usually he has to ask several times and I throw a fit and say I hate emotions, I just want them to go away.

Supposedly mindfulness observation and labeling of thoughts and feelings helps this. I work at mindfulness regularly but I cannot say it feels any easier. T is always glad that I practice it regardless. For some reason I guess feeling emotions is better than being numb which is all I have felt for the past 40+ years. I HATE emotions. I don't care what he says.

Sorry, I don't have any better solutions. I feel your pain. It is very frustrating. I told my T that every time he asks that question I feel ANGER.

[littleblackdog]

Originally Posted by DP_2017

not sure how to help but letting you know you are not alone

Thanks. It does help to know I'm not the only one that struggles with this.

Originally Posted by ElectricManatee

Maybe it would be helpful to see some options of different feelings that are organized into clusters like that.

That is really helpful. Hopefully if I get better at acknowledging my feelings to myself, I may get more comfortable talking about them to other people.

I think part of the problem is that I have only known the therapist for a few weeks and we only have 6 sessions but I have waited for so long to be offered some sort of therapy that I want to make it work. Plus, I am doing distress tolerance to help with SH and give me other coping strategies. After this I may be offered more therapy to help with the depression and anxiety but they don't take patients who SH

[tomatenoir]

Originally Posted by zoiecat

I struggle tremendously with naming my feelings. My T asks about them multiple times each session and I have a hissy fit each time. He tells me to look at my list of words that he has given me. I still struggle. ANGER is the only one I can usually name. Now he is on a new kick where he says anger is made up and fed by other emotions and he will tell me he already knows I feel anger so he wants to hear other emotion words. This causes me to struggle and have a fit even more.

One time I was actually able to answer him on the second try and he had to make a point to say that I am doing better because I told him how I felt on the second try where usually he has to ask several times and I throw a fit and say I hate emotions, I just want them to go away.

Supposedly mindfulness observation and labeling of thoughts and feelings helps this. I work at mindfulness regularly but I cannot say it feels any easier. T is always glad that I practice it regardless. For some reason I guess feeling emotions is better than being numb which is all I have felt for the past 40+ years. I HATE emotions. I don't care what he says.

Sorry, I don't have any better solutions. I feel your pain. It is very frustrating. I told my T that every time he asks that question I feel ANGER.

Thank you for sharing this. I'm in a similar boat, only difference is I can identify a general 'sadness' feeling too.

My therapist asks how I feel all the time, and the answer is always 'sad'. He'll ask me to elaborate and I always tell him I don't have any other words to give him.

Don't know if it helps, OP, but my therapist will ask me what images spring to mind when I can't explain in words. The images seem to be an 'in' to my feelings for my therapist. I never even realised how much I communicate in imagery till my therapist stayed asking me to share with him.

We did a sand tray once, which was also good in helping me express things I couldn't say.

Might be worth sharing what 'is' coming up for you (sounds, memories, pictures, etc). Words aren't the only way to talk about something.

Originally Posted by littleblackdog

Thanks. It does help to know I'm not the only one that struggles with this.

That is really helpful. Hopefully if I get better at acknowledging my feelings to myself, I may get more comfortable talking about them to other people.

I think part of the problem is that I have only known the therapist for a few weeks and we only have 6 sessions but I have waited for so long to be offered some sort of therapy that I want to make it work. Plus, I am doing distress tolerance to help with SH and give me other coping strategies. After this I may be offered more therapy to help with the depression and anxiety but they don't take patients who SH

Yeah for me, it's not about naming feelings. It just feel very intimate. Scary intimate when a T even uses the words, feelings.
But my tumbling attempt at talking about them always puts pay to the fear. I just end up confused.