[Tbhimscared]

For some reason I don't want to tell my T that I'm actually starting to feel a bit better. I've been super depressed for a long time now and I think I'm starting to come out of it. I'm afraid to tell my T that I'm starting to hate life a little less than before, but logically this makes no sense (to me anyway). I should be happy that I'm feeling better and my T would be so happy to hear this, right?

Does anyone else feel this way? It almost feels like part of me doesn't want to feel better.

Yup. For me it was the fear that help would be withdrawn. Of course it wasn't.

[MobiusPsyche]

If feeling better means not getting to see my T then yeah I would definitely have mixed feelings about feeling better. It didn't mean that for me with my T. I was so far down that I still have tons of work to do. I would tell her about it and I would also tell her about my anxiety telling her about it.

Glad to hear that you feel a little better!

I agree with everything above. It's hard to admit progress because of the fear of things changing.... sometimes, at least for me, it has gotten to the point where I would intentionally sabotage it. Glad you are feeling a little better! Definintely discuss it (and your fears) with your T.

[junkDNA]

It's pretty common to be afraid to get better because that means moving on from the therapist

[DP_2017]

My T says it's ok to feel better and STILL be in therapy, usually when people feel better, they just go less often, like bi weekly or monthly, and then if it gets bad again, they can go back to more regular weekly or whatever. Maybe your T is the same way

[MRT6211]

Yep. I’ve definitely been there. I was called out by T for self-sabatoging for this very reason. She kept telling me that I need to let myself get better. For me, too, it was the fear of having help withdrawn. She hasn’t done that, though, obviously. Instead, she’s used a lot of positive reinforcement with me.

[Tbhimscared]

I think that's all part of it. Since things have been really bad, I've gone a lot more often and I like the consistency of it. Therapy is the one thing I can count on being there in my life while everything else spins out of control. I'm afraid she'll leave, or maybe she won't believe that I'm actually feeling better. It sounds so strange but I'm glad theres others who feel the same way.

[ElectricManatee]

I have found that the work is just beginning once you climb out of the pit of depression. After the symptoms subside a bit and you are more stable, the real task becomes to look at your life and your self and figure out what happened to make you depressed in the first place. Hopefully your T will keep supporting you as long as you need/want.

[Merope]

Yes, I constantly self-sabotage because I can't imagine not having my T there once a week. The consistency of therapy keeps me grounded and makes me feel safe and cared for...sometimes I think that the only reason I'm feeling better is because of this feeling of someone having my back...not necessarily because life is getting easier/better. If I were to give up therapy, I would fall right back down the rabbit hole, pointy boots and all. It's certainly a weird feeling and one I did not expect before I started seeing my T. I'm still trying to figure out its paradoxical nature: I want to be happy but I also want to keep seeing T. Are the two mutually exclusive? :-/

Originally Posted by Tbhimscared

I think that's all part of it. Since things have been really bad, I've gone a lot more often and I like the consistency of it. Therapy is the one thing I can count on being there in my life while everything else spins out of control. I'm afraid she'll leave, or maybe she won't believe that I'm actually feeling better. It sounds so strange but I'm glad theres others who feel the same way.

When I've talked about it with my T she has assured me that things won't change. She knows I am afraid of things shifting between us or me not coming as often, I've been pretty open about all of it. She has told me repeatedly that I will never be forced out. If things are going well for an extended period of time, she may bring up the possibility of cutting back but the decision is ultimately up to me. Maybe your T will be similar? I think there is a natural progression to therapy and eventually you might be ok with less sessions but it's not something that can be forced.

[Deejay14]

Don't worry about that. Its is far more likely you will be in therapy too long. I've never met a therapist who even broached cutting back even when I was so much better. I finally quit on my own.. Just called and cancelled my appointment. Psychiatrist asked me to go back at one point when things got bad, but I wanted to work at it on my own. When my psychiatrist retired my plan is to give up psychiatry. My PCP has already agreed to prescribe my current meds when that happens.

[ScarletPimpernel]

Originally Posted by Mouse_62

Yup. For me it was the fear that help would be withdrawn. Of course it wasn't.

Same for me. That's what happened the last time. I got better so everyone started pulling away at the same time! By the time I really needed help again, no one was there. So I slipped into a horrible depression and locked myself in the house for 8 years. Luckily, my T knows this and will always be there when I need her (except if she moves, retires or dies). Actually, she said even if she moves, we might be able to continue therapy via phone, and if she retires, she'll still be there for me, just in an indirect way.

[maybeblue]

I've been talking to the same therapist for years. When I started I was really depressed, then that got better. I don't remember whose idea it was to start cutting back on therapy, but I remember that I was fine with it. We had a couple of sessions where I just didn't have much to talk about. I got to about every six weeks, but recently I've had some more stress so I have increased it again. She's never pushed me to make more sessions that I want to, nor have I ever felt like she didn't want to see me.

I guess my point is that when you are ready to cut down on sessions or quit therapy, I think you'll know it. Since you don't feel that way yet, you aren't ready. Unless there are insurance restrictions, I think most therapists leave that decision up to the client. And I agree with others, once the serious depression is better, it's way easier to deal with other things. For me it was relationships.

[annielovesbacon]

This makes absolute sense and you can work on it with your therapist just as you would work with them when you are feeling bad. I went through (brief, sadly) period of feeling okay, and I expressed to my therapist that I felt like I didn't WANT to feel better, which is crazy of course! I felt over dramatic saying "I don't remember what it's like to feel happy" but my T agreed, she said "It makes sense that this is so weird for you, it's a completely foreign feeling and people don't like unfamiliar feelings, even if they're good feelings." I also mentioned that I didn't see the point in feeling happy when I know I'm just going to crash again.

So we worked on that in session, about how I can come to accept my feelings including the good ones, and how I can stop self-sabotaging. We also touched on how feeling better would affect therapy, and she told me that just because I'm feeling better doesn't mean we've achieved the goals we set when I started therapy. She said we're not done yet. So feeling okay doesn't have to mean you have to stop seeing your therapist. It just means the start of a new and different conversation with your therapist.

[Taylor27]

Im afraid to tell my therapist that im feeling better, my file would be closed and to re open it would take months. I go to the clinic thats covered by the provincal health care. I also know i will have my down times so im scared to tell him how much better i have been feeling these days.

[hopealwayz]

I completely understand how you feel.