[confused4ever]

There was a time,
I am sure, that
nothing bothered me
that I was carefree and
a child so free.

Those times I can't
remember,
they were taken from me
by monsters,
Ones who didn't care,
if I was afraid or scared.

Times aren't so great now,
I feel me slipping away,
was I ever really me,
or was I just someone
I made.

My feelings are so jumbled,
the puzzle won't fit anymore,
I once thought of myself
as a survivor, now I see only
a stupid child.

If I could change it and
go back, would I be able
to stop the monsters
from coming out.
Maybe this is the only
reason I was put here,
to give them someone
to use.

I have been so tired,
I just want to sleep,
it feels like a never ending
nightmare, one that won't
let me escape!

I know I have the tools,
to stop these fears from
coming so hard, but
sometimes the battle is
to heavy to keep on
putting up the fight!

I have lost my safe place
to go to, I can't seem to
find it anymore! That has
also abandoned me, just
one more thing that let go.

The things I do to me,
are just what they did to me,
is it because I want it, or
is it because I don't know
what it is like to live
without it.

I thought I found my soulmate,
but he too has turned away.
Is there anything I can do
right, or am I just a waste of
time.

My kids are my reason,
the only one I have left,
I know they need mom,
so I hold onto what I have left.
But that feeling is slipping,
how could they want me.
I am not a good person, I
must not be!

Will this feeling ever stop,
the one that is so strong,
does it ever get better, the
feelings that I don't belong.

Everyone says I am so
strong, so how come I
can't see that. If I was so
strong, wouldn't I have stopped
it so long ago.

I don't want these feelings
to win, but right now they
are so strong, if I send them
away, will they reappear someday!

Someone please help me,
find me again. If there is someone
worth saving in here, please help me
find her again.

[sunrise]

confused, thanks for sharing.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Someone please help me,
find me again. If there is someone
worth saving in here, please help me
find her again.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">
You have 2 therapists working hard for you. They won't let you go, they will find you. Hang in there.

[confused4ever]

I am trying to hang on, feel lost right now. My T called today and talked, and made some good points, says I have alot of rage towards 4 people and he listed them, and was right. Two have passed away the other 2 I let them abuse me, in several ways. Because I cannot or don't know how or won't..stand up for me.....not worth it........I want to just go away.........he made me promise to stay put here in the now......and not to take off.......I want to just take off and drive forever.......I don't want to come back........ever!