Does your T explain what they’re doing while they’re doing it?

Hmm, I think I'd love it if my T did this. Especially when it comes to trust. She's self disclosed believing it would help, but it didn't. I have very little interest in her personal life, but think the part of that "want to knows more" is more about her methods. Our sessions do seem like I'm just having a chat, but because I know it isn't just a chat some of my gaurds are still up. Because I assume she's analyzing all my words and body language, but tells very little how it helps her understand me.

I think it would help with trust because some part of me knows when her response is a method/technique and so feels unconsciously goes to dishonest/ingenuine.

My T doesn't do anything. I don't mean that in a dismissive or contemptuous way. What he does do is listen-- but none of that "active listening" (I hate that) where someone just repeats what you have to say like it's a pop quiz on memory. Uttering my words back to me hasn't usually felt like listening in or out of therapy. He might say that it makes sense to him from a certain perspective from something in his own life, or he might ask a clarifying question on occasion (but direct questions are rare).

What he does do is help me listen to myself about what I want, big and small things. Maybe it's this phase of therapy as I transition to a different place in life, or maybe it's that I'm past the trauma processing I did a few years ago. Then he "did" stuff like help me container things at the end or help me slow down when i needed to and helped me not avoid when I asked him too.

But I would be annoyed at my T if he started explaining, "and now I'm mirroring your body position to show I am here with you" or some such. Anything that sounds like it should be in a bubble on a cartoon commenting on the ongoing process would make me unhappy. In fact I think that part of what I'm trying to achieve in general is being mindful in my interactions with people, and that means I just want to be in the moment, in the interaction, not all hovering above it observing it.

Hi Quiet Mind

I'm sorry that your T is not so open. I think I would find that hard too.

When I was starting therapy, I told T that there was a gap of a few months between me deciding to go to therapy and me selecting a therapist, and then several more months after that until I made my first appointment. I told T how I had researched everything I possibly could about him online, ahead of the first appointment. (Like e.g. what his qualifications exactly mean, where did he get them, how well is that university rated for psychology and how does their course differ from others, how does his practice compare to other private practices in the same area. And other slightly obsessive stuff like that.)

T said that it is quite normal for people to look up things about their T before choosing to start therapy. But he also said "I think you have difficulty trusting people".
Spot on! I knew right away that he would have a good understanding of me. Maybe that is why he has always been so open about the therapy methods and aims. I do find it really helpful.

Do you think you could try asking your T directly to talk about those things? I wonder what she would say. Or maybe you have already tried.

I've asked repeatedly in writing while explaining why many times (her boundaries is she'll never reply but she'll read), as well in person a few times. I'm a lot less articulate in session. She thinks it's me being mistrustful (correct) but I don't feel she's tried to "really" explain... It's more like she takes it as an opportunity to point out my mistrust schema rather than explain. Or I find her rare explanations too simplistic. Eg, she doesn't spell out the neuroscience like yours does, but gives a "simple" reply that imagery works on emotions. While I'm not highly educated (not even a bachelor's), I'm definitely capable of understanding the explanation your T gives! She also knows I like to know the WHYS of things. She also knows (I hope, because I've told her many times!) that I WILL dig into the research, and that I won't take "because I the therapist says it's good for you" as an answer. And she has never satisfactorily addressed my point of "I used to fantasize to self soothe as a child. Imagery triggers loneliness and pain because it's just nice pretend imagination things and not real" which actually fuels my deep and extensive dive into the evidence base for imagery rescripting.

It isn't just with imagery but other things as well... :/ She's NOT emotionally inhibited with her friends and colleagues, but I don't feel she's "open" with me? She HAS said she's being more open with me than some other clients, but I still find the lack of psychoeducation as manifestation of her not being open.

My t does if I ask about it. I think it helps my understanding of what's going on.

The therapist I have now we just chit-chat and there is not technique except let me get if off my chest and have an ally when I need one.

When I was doing attachment therapy the therapist did explain at times why she did certain thing but it usually was because I asked. But, she never refused to answer.

In my therapy as an adult, they all have. I kind of insisted on it if I'm honest. Though it seems like my therapists have enjoyed having theoretical conversations with me.