[hopealwayz]

I asked T if we could talk about the possibility of texting later this year. And he said yes. So I asked again if he was open to it and he said yes.

I think if I go easier on the emails, he will probably allow me texting privileges.

I’m definitely going to lower my number of emails. Maybe once a week.

Or keep one email and keep adding to it during the week and then send it.

[DP_2017]

Make sure you don't overdo texting either. It's tempting. Keep texting to only therapy needs..
If he allows it

[hopealwayz]

I would definitely limit texting. I don’t want to be intrusive in his phone. And plus, I don’t want to mess up that privilege.

I’ve been emailing less too.

T has been so amazingly patient with me. And that has helped me.

[hopealwayz]

I’m glad that I stuck with this T.

[toomanycats]

I'm glad things are working out so well with this T for you

[musinglizzy]

good luck. My T allowed texting for a long time, and we were using it in good ways...such as, she would ask me to text her a pic of something beautiful...to keep my mind busy on beautiful things, instead of negative thoughts. Then, all of a sudden, she took texting away saying it was "too intrusive." She said that rule applied to everyone, including her staff. Every session lately, our time has been interrupted by a phone call or text. She has been forgetting to shut it off. Every time her phone goes off, it triggers my sad/negative feelings.

[hopealwayz]

Originally Posted by toomanycats

I'm glad things are working out so well with this T for you

Thanks. And I told him about my pattern of pushing him away every time I began to feel connected and close to him. He seemed to really understand that.

[hopealwayz]

Originally Posted by musinglizzy

good luck. My T allowed texting for a long time, and we were using it in good ways...such as, she would ask me to text her a pic of something beautiful...to keep my mind busy on beautiful things, instead of negative thoughts. Then, all of a sudden, she took texting away saying it was "too intrusive." She said that rule applied to everyone, including her staff. Every session lately, our time has been interrupted by a phone call or text. She has been forgetting to shut it off. Every time her phone goes off, it triggers my sad/negative feelings.

I understand how you feel. It’s not a good feeling. Have you talked to your T about how it makes you feel when her phone goes off in session so frequently?

I am the devil's advocate here in that I entirely disagree with any contact other than face-to-face. I have said before on this forum that I think it encourages an inappropriate relationship with one's therapist or psychiatrist. It leads to and risks feelings for one's caregiver that are less than professional. I don't understand why a mental health professional would risk a doctor-patient relationship turning overly personal in the first place. Does this not encourage transferance? I really like my own professionals I see but never would I even think of turning what I see as professional into the personal. Additionally I think it an incredibly unfair intrusion into their lives. I really wish people would stop to think about how contacting their Ts/pdocs outside of work hours affects them. These are people too - with private lives that includes their own circle of friends and family. Imagine then how such an interruption impacts their spouses for instance. If you must reach for your cell phone or email, please take into consideration the ramifications of your actions.

Originally Posted by justafriend306

I am the devil's advocate here in that I entirely disagree with any contact other than face-to-face. I have said before on this forum that I think it encourages an inappropriate relationship with one's therapist or psychiatrist. It leads to and risks feelings for one's caregiver that are less than professional. I don't understand why a mental health professional would risk a doctor-patient relationship turning overly personal in the first place. Does this not encourage transferance? I really like my own professionals I see but never would I even think of turning what I see as professional into the personal. Additionally I think it an incredibly unfair intrusion into their lives. I really wish people would stop to think about how contacting their Ts/pdocs outside of work hours affects them. These are people too - with private lives that includes their own circle of friends and family. Imagine then how such an interruption impacts their spouses for instance. If you must reach for your cell phone or email, please take into consideration the ramifications of your actions.

Transference was the "work" of my previous therapy that my therapist and I used to progress through the crap in my past and present.

[healinginprogress]

Originally Posted by justafriend306

I am the devil's advocate here in that I entirely disagree with any contact other than face-to-face. I have said before on this forum that I think it encourages an inappropriate relationship with one's therapist or psychiatrist. It leads to and risks feelings for one's caregiver that are less than professional. I don't understand why a mental health professional would risk a doctor-patient relationship turning overly personal in the first place. Does this not encourage transferance? I really like my own professionals I see but never would I even think of turning what I see as professional into the personal. Additionally I think it an incredibly unfair intrusion into their lives. I really wish people would stop to think about how contacting their Ts/pdocs outside of work hours affects them. These are people too - with private lives that includes their own circle of friends and family. Imagine then how such an interruption impacts their spouses for instance. If you must reach for your cell phone or email, please take into consideration the ramifications of your actions.

I regularly email my T outside of her business hours. My emailing my T has nothing to do with trying to be friends and everything to do with my therapeutic work. She and I have spoken about it. She has established boundaries that work for her. I respect her boundaries. Why should someone not text or email their T if within the boundaries and therapy work the T has agreed to this communication?

Maybe we're talking about two different things here. Maybe I'm assuming no one abuses that communication style and maybe you're assuming everyone does? Regardless, it is on the T to create their own boundaries.

In my experience, the good thing is that I do not have to think about how my T handles my emails. If she cannot handle my email at a given time she does not read them. She does not respond to them unless she wants to. Those are her boundaries. Those are how she balances her work and life. I trust her to be able to take care of her herself. She does not need me to create boundaries around her, that's why she's the T and I'm the client.

[imnotbroken]

I've only texted my therapist when I felt was REALLY necessary, and when I felt I wouldn't be intruding on her personal life. I texted her on Wednesday about an article we'd discussed during our session, which I'd promised to send her. She has just replied to the text, perhaps giving me feedback on the article's context, but I didn't see her response yet. But I wouldn't ever use texting for chit-chat.

Originally Posted by healinginprogress

Maybe we're talking about two different things here. Maybe I'm assuming no one abuses that communication style and maybe you're assuming everyone does? Regardless, it is on the T to create their own boundaries.

There is some validity to this. You are right. I assume that there are far more persons misusing this form of communication than those who do not. One only need read these forums to come to that appalling conclusion.

i should also point out that I know some of which I speak. My father's line of business had the phone going off at all hours and through the night as people gave no thought to his time - nor ours - and only thought to their own needs and problems. I did not have a very close relationship with my father as it seemed my time with him was cut short because everyone else's time was so important. I still feel that I took a back seat on account of the constant and lengthy interruptions of needy people giving no thought to the ramifications of their actions. Thus I admit I have a great deal of resentment over the very thought that people do just this.

Again, I stress that people consider the true weight of their perceived need and problem before texting or emailing. Is this a matter that can wait until tomorrow morning? If it isn't then I suggest contacting a mobile crisis line or a visit to the hospital is far more appropriate.

Originally Posted by healinginprogress

I regularly email my T outside of her business hours. My emailing my T has nothing to do with trying to be friends and everything to do with my therapeutic work. She and I have spoken about it. She has established boundaries that work for her. I respect her boundaries. Why should someone not text or email their T if within the boundaries and therapy work the T has agreed to this communication?

Maybe we're talking about two different things here. Maybe I'm assuming no one abuses that communication style and maybe you're assuming everyone does? Regardless, it is on the T to create their own boundaries.

In my experience, the good thing is that I do not have to think about how my T handles my emails. If she cannot handle my email at a given time she does not read them. She does not respond to them unless she wants to. Those are her boundaries. Those are how she balances her work and life. I trust her to be able to take care of her herself. She does not need me to create boundaries around her, that's why she's the T and I'm the client.

This exactly!

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by justafriend306

There is some validity to this. You are right. I assume that there are far more persons misusing this form of communication than those who do not. One only need read these forums to come to that appalling conclusion.

i should also point out that I know some of which I speak. My father's line of business had the phone going off at all hours and through the night as people gave no thought to his time - nor ours - and only thought to their own needs and problems. I did not have a very close relationship with my father as it seemed my time with him was cut short because everyone else's time was so important. I still feel that I took a back seat on account of the constant and lengthy interruptions of needy people giving no thought to the ramifications of their actions. Thus I admit I have a great deal of resentment over the very thought that people do just this.

Again, I stress that people consider the true weight of their perceived need and problem before texting or emailing. Is this a matter that can wait until tomorrow morning? If it isn't then I suggest contacting a mobile crisis line or a visit to the hospital is far more appropriate.

The therapists have always encouraged me to contact them. I emailed and wrote but the second one I saw told me to call her anytime -even if was the middle of the night. I suggest letting therapists handle their own boundaries their own way - just like I encourage clients to do. If others in the therapist's life have a problem with it - that is between the therapist and that other person. It is not for the client to worry about it.
Right now I am engaged in grief writing sort of therapy with the second one. I send all sorts of things at all times - usually in the middle of the night. The therapist reads when she can.

[Salmon77]

I suggest letting therapists handle their own boundaries their own way

OTOH, the OP here isn't really letting her therapist handle his boundaries his way, since he has already said texting is not okay with him and she keeps bringing it up and asking if he will allow it sometime in the future.

OP, I really don't understand why texting a T holds such an appeal. What is it about this mode of communication that is so important to you?

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by Salmon77

OTOH, the OP here isn't really letting her therapist handle his boundaries his way, since he has already said texting is not okay with him and she keeps bringing it up and asking if he will allow it sometime in the future.

That is not what I was addressing.
However I also do believe one gets to bring something up as many times as they want. Talking about it over and over and over is, in my opinion, the prerogative of a client if that is how they want to spend their time and money.

[nottrustin]

Originally Posted by justafriend306

I am the devil's advocate here in that I entirely disagree with any contact other than face-to-face. I have said before on this forum that I think it encourages an inappropriate relationship with one's therapist or psychiatrist. It leads to and risks feelings for one's caregiver that are less than professional. I don't understand why a mental health professional would risk a doctor-patient relationship turning overly personal in the first place. Does this not encourage transferance? I really like my own professionals I see but never would I even think of turning what I see as professional into the personal. Additionally I think it an incredibly unfair intrusion into their lives. I really wish people would stop to think about how contacting their Ts/pdocs outside of work hours affects them. These are people too - with private lives that includes their own circle of friends and family. Imagine then how such an interruption impacts their spouses for instance. If you must reach for your cell phone or email, please take into consideration the ramifications of your actions.

I struggle with outside contact. I don't want to bother them and intrude on their personal time. Both my Ts encourage me to reach out when I need more support. When I don't I get into a horrible cycle of being angry thay I need to because I should be able to handle it on my own. Which makes me feel like a loser. Plus, I try to cope wirhbwhatevwe emotional issue that had arouse to be fun with.

With T1 she requested communication via email or phone call. I always email because I feel it is a lot less intrusive.

EMDR to prefers texting or a phone call for confidentiality reasons which I struggle with but if I need to contact her I will text. We had a discussion about this at my last appointment because I told her of my fears of reaching out for help with anybody because of fear of being to needy and people leaving. Her response was "If you call me I am not leaving". As I was leaving my appointment she said call me if you need to.

[healinginprogress]

Originally Posted by justafriend306

Again, I stress that people consider the true weight of their perceived need and problem before texting or emailing. Is this a matter that can wait until tomorrow morning? If it isn't then I suggest contacting a mobile crisis line or a visit to the hospital is far more appropriate.

Perhaps my T has better personal boundaries than others, but tonight vs tomorrow morning wouldn't mean a lick of difference to her. And if a T has poor boundaries, again, that is not the responsibility of the client. No matter how much the client may push or pull on those boundaries.

[AnnaBegins]

Originally Posted by justafriend306

I am the devil's advocate here in that I entirely disagree with any contact other than face-to-face. I have said before on this forum that I think it encourages an inappropriate relationship with one's therapist or psychiatrist. It leads to and risks feelings for one's caregiver that are less than professional. I don't understand why a mental health professional would risk a doctor-patient relationship turning overly personal in the first place. Does this not encourage transferance? I really like my own professionals I see but never would I even think of turning what I see as professional into the personal. Additionally I think it an incredibly unfair intrusion into their lives. I really wish people would stop to think about how contacting their Ts/pdocs outside of work hours affects them. These are people too - with private lives that includes their own circle of friends and family. Imagine then how such an interruption impacts their spouses for instance. If you must reach for your cell phone or email, please take into consideration the ramifications of your actions.

Would your viewpoint change if the T was the one who initiated outside of work hours contact? So, say the client was not expecting or requesting any but the T decided on their own to initiate it?