[hopealwayz]

I’m too tired to get into the details but I feel like my T is ignoring me. Unless I’m worrying over nothing.

I was upset today and cancelled my appointment that was scheduled for next week. I regret that but now I feel silly if I call the office back to reschedule.

[hopealwayz]

I may take about 2-3 weeks off.

[DP_2017]

Oh mine is ignoring me. No doubt. Feels way ******. I get it. I'm probably cancelling tomorrow myself.

[growlycat]

Please call and reschedule. You don’t have to give them details. Just tell them it was a mistake.

We would all be better off if t’s could read our minds but they kind of suck at it. Are you allowed to email between sessions with this t? Can you tell both him and the office that you made a mistake?

[hopealwayz]

I totally relate to what you’re going through. It’s horrible.

[hopealwayz]

I can tell them. It’s embarrassing.

[hopealwayz]

I feel like I’m getting better with this T and in a way, I think I’m trying to sabotage it because I feel like I don’t deserve the care and compassion. I want to tell T about this but I don’t know how to word it.

[hopealwayz]

I originally got upset because I asked for an extra session next week which was making me feel vulnerable. He never responded so I acted out and cancelled my other appointment.

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by hopealwayz

I originally got upset because I asked for an extra session next week which was making me feel vulnerable. He never responded so I acted out and cancelled my other appointment.

I would tell him this. Try to reschedule your session (if possible), then tell him why you were reacting this way. It's a pretty common thing for people with attachment issues (I'm including myself here) to try to sabotage it when something seems to be going well with someone (whether a T or anyone else in our lives). Because we worry they're going to abandon us, so we try to make it happen first. But this T seems really good for you and like he'd understand what was going on if you explain it. Hugs...

[growlycat]

This is so insightful hope! You should be proud of being able to see this play out and why. No n Ed to be embarrassed. For all the office knows you could have been cancelling over a dental appointment conflict. They don’t know why. You can saves the specifics for t. Please keep going!

[hopealwayz]

Thanks so much! I will explain that to T.

It is progress that I can recognize the acting out.

[growlycat]

20 years later and I still act out just less than I used to.

[DP_2017]

I've ruined everything good we had going because of my childish behavior tonight. I hate myself right now and wish I could undo it all, he's gonna change boundaries tomorrow I just know it... and its when I need him around most. Stupid me.

Anyway...I get the acting out, as you see above, I did too. Just at least you haven't been too much so you can salvage things on your end

[hopealwayz]

I still can’t get in touch with him. Maybe I will hear from him tomorrow. He obviously must know that I’ve almost gotten the connection with him that was missing before.

[hopealwayz]

It’s hard sitting with the thoughts without acting out because that was my lifelong coping mechanism. I asked T to help me with that.

[hopealwayz]

DP, I’m sorry you’re going through a rough time with your T. I hope you can work things out tomorrow.

[hopealwayz]

I feel disappointed tonight that I didn’t hear from him.

Is wanting to take 2-3 weeks off a form of acting out?

[DP_2017]

it could be yes but you may regret it

i am struggling with 9 days, look what its done to me. i became needy and crossed my own boundaries. i cant even sleep or think straight. he's ignoring me and i can think of is how he must hate me now and i ruined everything. its gonna take a ton of convincing for em to even think of reaching out ever again, i literally hate myself

so just keep that in mind, that a longer break could mess with you if you are not truly ready.

[growlycat]

Taking 2-3 weeks could be punishing yourself ...don’t do that. You deserve care. And so does dp!!

[scorpiosis37]

Originally Posted by hopealwayz

I feel disappointed tonight that I didn’t hear from him.

Is wanting to take 2-3 weeks off a form of acting out?

Yes, I think taking time off because T didn’t respond to your request for an additional session would be a form of acting out. I think discussing it in session with T during your appointment time would be a big step forward.

Rather than asking T directly for your session back, can you ask his receptionist? You are probably more likely to get a response from the receptionist.

[hopealwayz]

I will call tomorrow to get the appointment back.

[hopealwayz]

I can’t sleep. My insomnia is bad.

[growlycat]

I’m awake with you. T let me change my appt to tomorrow instead of Friday and I’m scared of how things will go.

[hopealwayz]

I hope everything works out for you.

[growlycat]

Thank you Hope. I’m going to try to sleep. I hope you can too