[dragonphoto]

I need your thoughts about seeking a T. I have always thought that seeing a T of the opposite sex was better. However, after meeting with our new T (a man) I started to wonder. Any thoughts?

[Gravity]

My T is male. I am female. I find that I have a lot of issues relating to men and as a result, I am forced to examine that in my therapy with him.
If this is your first time in therapy, you might want someone of the same gender as it might be more comfortable to talk. I do think sometimes that the more uncomfortable it is, the more progress I make.

[dragonphoto]

I know I did see one T that was a woman and I did not feel uncomfortable talking to her, but it was like she was not giving back. Not asking enough questions or writing anything down. That bothered me it is like when you go to a resturant and the waitress does not write anything down you know she is going to come back and ask what you wanted again. I guess I felt the same way with this T. The other woman T I had I felt misdiagnosed me. So I am switching to a male T.

I'm female, my T is female. I like it. No confusing erotic transference! And I just can relate easier to a female. I never had a real male in my life, so I was way too afraid to find a male T.

[sidony]

I'm female, and my therapist is male. It's always easier for me to connect with men, and I specifically looked for a male therapist. I think it's just a matter of preference!

Interesting about writing. My therapist has never written down anything while we were talking, and I think it would bug me if he did. I'd feel distracted by it.

Best of luck with your search!
Sidony

same here sidony! i specifically looked for a male T, i don't relate well to women at all. In our first session we just chatted because i was still "shopping." In our second session he took notes about everything i said, and it was a basic history sort of thing. Since then he has never written down a thing during session, he writes notes afterwards. He also has the most amazing memory. But on the note about the restaurant... who cares if they write it down as long as you get what you ordered?

it's all about preferences and personal experience... my first T i ever met was the same sex and i hated it instantly. There really is no rule. If this feels uncomfortable then "try out" a female T and see if that works better.

nothing is more important than the relationship

I wanted to have a male therapist too. My father was quite distant... But I loved him so. So I tend to feel positive transference to male therapists. My mother was quite invasive... And I just wanted to get away from her (because she made me feel distressed). So I tend to feel negative transference to female therapists.

I guess there are many roads to Rome and the transference needs to be worked through eventually anyway... But I much prefer positive transference to negative transference (especially in the initial stages of therapy) and... I guess... The therapist does too :-)

I think what "Gravity" has said makes a lot of sense. I've been told by several experienced psychologists that one should be seeing a therapist of the same gender to the one that you most struggle with in your 3-D world.

So, if for example you were abused by a man then seeing a male therapist would get you on the way to healing, so you could make a "healthy" relationship with a male. just like if your mother is the one you struggle with then a female therapist would be best if getting along with other women is your goal and/or putting those old feelings of upset at rest. and like "alexandra" pointed out-- it could be that both genders are somewhat of a struggle-- then I'd go with the lesser struggle to begin with and graduate to the harder one later.

I think it depends on your goals and what it is you wish to overcome, cope with and/or understand.

mandy

[sunrise]

dragonphoto, I had a female counselor first, then a male therapist. I also occasionally meet with a female child specialist about my kids, and she is a therapist. I find each one has something to offer. I do feel especially close to my current therapist, the male. I'm not sure I could achieve that degree of intimacy with a woman. I think that my marriage has been really wounding, and having a positive and close relationship with a male in therapy has been very healing for me. I never really connected with my first female counselor, but I do connect with the child specialist. So I guess for me, some of it has to do with the individual, rather than their gender.

My first counselor took notes every session. My current T does not take notes at all. It has never bothered me. Except for one session, he took out a notepad and started writing on it. It freaked me a little! Why now? I asked him why he was taking notes, and he said because this is really important. Hmmm, not sure how I felt about that. He has never done it since then.

[dragonphoto]

Thank you much everyone.