Hugs

Hugs are not a thing in my country. In a friendly context, people kiss on the cheek and in a professional context it's a handshake. The only person I hug is my girlfriend. I find hugs so intimate so I can't imagine a professional context where they would be appropriate. If any of the therapists I saw had started hugging me, I would have been like "what the hell? what are you doing?" I suppose that in the US hugs are probably seen as equivalent to a handshake for us. My last therapist used to shake hands with me. I didn't mind one way or another EXCEPT that she would alway go to the toilet right before coming to pick me up and she NEVER washed her hands! So ****ing gross. I never said anything because what could I say? "No I don't want to shake hands today?" She would have decided it was because of some crap about my childhood or some similar therapy nonsense. If I had said "I'm not shaking hands with you because you didn't wash your hands" well she would have been pissed I'm sure because I would have been implying that she was gross (which she was). All in all yet another reason I'm glad I stopped therapy

My previous T hugged me a few times, the a frame type. Once she held me in a session. Current T has never touched me in any way. I don't know if she does hugs.

Edit: At the termination session for my longtime pdoc, I really wanted to give her a hug, but I didn't dare.

I've been seeing my T weekly for 2.5 years and we've never hugged. She's never offered, and I wouldn't ask. Physical touch is something I crave, but I think it would hurt more to be told no than to just assume she doesn't hug clients.

I don't think I've ever even shaken hands with her, but my memory of our early relationship is foggy at best.

Sounds so similar to mine. And I also didn't think I would ever ask but somehow I did.

My T hugs me after every session. It's an A-frame hug due to her height and my weight. I'm female and my T is female.

All my Ts have been hugging Ts. I never knew some Ts were against it until I read here. I do think hugs can me important in therapy. Of course, it's up to each individual. But if you like hugs, why not? To me, they help bring closure after every session. It tells me that everything is okay between us no matter what was being discussed. It's also a way to let go of whatever happened in session. Like a calming release.

The last therapist that I saw for an extended period of time (2014-2016) gave warm hugs. In retrospect, she allowed herself to get too close to me emotionally. She cared very deeply about me and told me so (and that she talked about me with her therapist). I had difficulty with opening up because I didn't want to worry or disappoint her.

I've only been seeing my current therapist for a few months. I would be surprised if he asked to hug me. It wouldn't seem to fit with our relationship.
In the moment I would want a hug from him, but I think that would be bad for our therapeutic relationship. If I could get concern or comfort out of him I'd end up preoccupied with using him to get a "fix," like a drug addict trying to get drugs, instead of focusing on making progress.

(I wasn't getting that kind of "fix" from the other therapist because she wasn't my "type." It's something I mostly crave from men who are older than me, especially ones who generally don't display that kind of emotion.)

My T doesn't come within 4 feet of me. Because I would punch him. I don't know if he hugs other clients - I doubt it, though.

Maybe it's just my bias (because I think hugs are icky) but people seem to get awful ****ed up about touch in therapy, especially when it's "taken away." I wish T's would be more careful with it.

I hug my T. It took me a long time to get there because I have never been a fan of being touched in general. I was very confused and terrified when that childish part first wanted a hug but T was cool with it. Now we hug every session and I feel like it almost helps to ground me for release into the real world. I fear changing boundaries though so I suspect if she stopped hugging me, that it would not go over well. I suspect that is less about the hug though and more me looking for deeper meanings.

No hugs. I haven't asked and he hasn't offered. I think it would feel weird and uncomfortable and too physically intimate.

Maybe at our last session ever I'd hug goodbye.

I don't want a therapist physically near me and I am not much of a hugger except with those who are very very close to me, and even then, not all that much. I have no knowledge what the woman did with other clients. I can't imagine what it would have to do with me. I have no strong feelings about whether other people hug therapists or not. I don't understand why one would want it, but if one finds it helpful or desirable, it does not bother me.

In three years I've never touched my T, not even to shake his hand, except brief accidental brushes when I've passed him my phone. I'm female and he's male, and for quite a long time I had strong negative transference about the idea of any kind of touch. The idea made me feel enraged. I once felt like his hand might touch mine as I held the door open for him, and I felt ready to turn on him and rip him to shreds verbally if it did. If he'd offered me a hug during this phase, I'd have struggled even to be civil in declining. He's the nicest, most careful and laid-back guy, but, well... transference is a b****. Thankfully I was never hostile to him outwardly, but inwardly, yeah... that was some strong anger.

That's mostly been worked through now, I think. But it doesn't seem safe to ever touch him. I wouldn't trust that all my transference anger is fully gone.

No hugs from my prior therapist nor my current therapist. My current therapist just seems kinda uncomfortable about that kinda stuff no high fives or fist bumps or anything. Weird huh no high fives no nothing? I mean even my last therapist gave me a high five when I was doing something great.

I have to ask for it, and I've only asked twice. I think it's nice to be able to hug.

my therapist doesn't hug/ use physical contact.

I actually never knew this until recently, and It made me quite upset and I called them out on it

luckily they were understanding though and just explained their reasoning (which makes a lot of sense now I think about it)

but I do wish therapists hugged me

sometimes it would make it a lot easier

Current T has hugged me once. She initiated and it was because she was very proud of me for making leaps and bounds of progress in therapy. I always hope she will hug me again someday...

No previous T has ever hugged, though. Some I would’ve been weirded out by, others I would’ve welcomed with open arms (literally).

No and all this talk about hugging rules/etiquette gives me heart palpitations... wtf is an A-frame hug?! I would have thought that if your therapist allowed hugs, they should be free and organic. I get very anxious about touching people and social expectations around touch, so I am mainly glad its not on the cards.

A-frame is typical in this type of situation, basically just your shoulders touch, your body forms an A under all that..... very awkward

I have issues with touch too, its why it was amazingly healing for me...but it was something I wanted to do. I get why others would not

I recall me sitting on the floor in an emotional heap and my former t sitting on the couch, saying, "I can offer you touch". And I was like, wtf? The way she said it (as in, I can offer you a bottle of water) and the lack of understanding my extreme aversion to getting too close to family members, let alone others, threw me for a loop! Well, she was very inexperienced!

But I totally get that hugs can be healing for some.

Hugging T is healing for me, though I generally aren't a huggy person. I have to feel safe and close with the person to want to hug them.

I asked T if we could hug and we discussed why I wanted hugs. I told her I'm generally adverse to touch from others. Example I stand stiffly during the rare times my parents want a hug, I don't deal well with casual touch from people.

So we talked about my desire, my fear and confusion and my child like feelings over wanting to be able to hug her and have her hug me. I told her I believe I'm too disgusting to touch. I also talked about having to hug and comfort my mother who would be crying like a child in her room after each incident of her beating me in a rage.

T and I hug at the end of the session and it's comforting and sort of like a closing ritual.

I think sometimes a hug or a pat on the shoulder can have a place. But I have to question the necessity of having a hug every time. I know people get addicted to hugs and are devasted when it is taken away. I tend to believe all things in therapy should be helping us to become independent and I keep hearing stories where people become too close to their therapist and then their world feels like it is ending when a therapist feels too engulfed by a patients issues and sets firmer boundaries.

since someone explained A-frame, no, my hugs w/ ex-T were never A-frame. They were unguarded hugs that often lasted a really long time.

Sometimes, I'd spend a session with his arm/arms around me nearly the whole time, sitting on the floor, leaning against him. Took nearly 3 years to get to that point though. Didn't hug at all for the first year.

No hugs for this girl. T1 has hugged me twice in 11 years. Once when he was going to be out of the country and out of touch and I was struggling. Once, a side hug, when I was mad at him and despondent, suicidal. Those were both ok. But in general, just not for me.

None of my Ts have been huggers. Pdoc is, though, from my first appointment. We don't hug every time, but for some reason I am ok with either hugging or not with him. I think that may be because we are both members of AA, and people tend to hug there.