[confused_77]

i have no idea how to start a conversation about my fears concerning therapy. As explained before i email about it a lot but none of us starts the conversation in session
i dont want to read anything that's been prepared before but really worry about confronting her about it.. in the meantime i stopped the excessive emails and obsess about therapy. i dont know if it's time to finish it, i worry she dislikes me... i fear that the routine i creating a distance that i started noticing

[toomanycats]

It's a hard topic! Very vulnerable feeling.

Since you do email her, would you feel comfortable asking either out loud or in an email to follow up on some of the emails you've sent in session? You could also tell her that you really want to talk about this stuff out loud, but that you are very anxious, even a bit scared, and request her help however that might look (perhaps asking you questions to start the conversation?)

[confused_77]

Originally Posted by toomanycats

It's a hard topic! Very vulnerable feeling.

Since you do email her, would you feel comfortable asking either out loud or in an email to follow up on some of the emails you've sent in session? You could also tell her that you really want to talk about this stuff out loud, but that you are very anxious, even a bit scared, and request her help however that might look (perhaps asking you questions to start the conversation?)

I've actually done it many times. I've emailed her to say i want to explore my conflicting feelings but still we dont talk about it. i honestly get the feeling she isn't comfortable with it either....

[Elio]

Originally Posted by confused_77

I've actually done it many times. I've emailed her to say i want to explore my conflicting feelings but still we dont talk about it. i honestly get the feeling she isn't comfortable with it either....

What seems to stop the conversation? Do you have difficulty starting it; therefore, it never really gets started?

I've brought in a sign before of the things I wanted to talk about and set it right where we could see it. I made it out of cardboard and it stood up like a sign you'd see on the sidewalk outside a business indicating a sale or that they are open. It made it hard to forget that there was an agenda to today's session.

Do you ever bring up the email? In the beginning I would say something like "I emailed you about such-and-such earlier this week" and my T would take it from there. If she is hesitant to talk about it, I would confront her (eek, scary, I know) about that. I haven't had to bring things up for a while because we finally fell into a rhythm with the whole thing. Best of luck to you!

[ChickenNoodleSoup]

I can't tell you why she doesn't bring things up if you asked her to, but even if she is uncomfortable with it, it is your session time, you are allowed to talk about this. If she dislikes it, she will have to deal with that somehow and not let it affect you.

When I bring up anything therapy related, I am always prepared to spend the whole session on this. I'm usually scared of these conversations, so I start with something like "I want to talk about something concerning you, but I'm scared". Then we have a short discussion about why I'm scared, where T tries to take that fear away and then he probes for what the actual issue is. I think any halfway decent T will try to talk about the relationship if you mention you have an issue with something there.

It's always scary to bring these things up, but it's better than just sitting on it and not being comfortable with how it is now.

[confused_77]

Originally Posted by besidemyselvez

Do you ever bring up the email? In the beginning I would say something like "I emailed you about such-and-such earlier this week" and my T would take it from there. If she is hesitant to talk about it, I would confront her (eek, scary, I know) about that. I haven't had to bring things up for a while because we finally fell into a rhythm with the whole thing. Best of luck to you!

well.. its only been since Christmas till about three weeks ago that my emails have gone more frequent and what i loosely call 'crazy'. Before when i emailed a few times a week we would talk about the importance of emails and she would assure me its ok... then my attachments strengthened and so i wrote more and she stopped reacting to any of it.
now it just makes me feel more akward as there is a whole variety of subjects that don't get brought up in session and it feels like emails have their own life and i feel that so many things never get talked about but I can't bring it up. I'm to scared that she will criticise me or ask 'what's the big deal'

[Ididitmyway]

Here is my unusual take on the "therapeutic relationship"

Therapy Consumer Guide - What Is ?Therapeutic Relationship? and Does It Exist?

I don't believe in the concept to begin with. But you might feel differently. In any case. I am just responding to the title of your thread which is a bout a therapeutic relationship. So take it for what it's worth.

[confused_77]

Originally Posted by Ididitmyway

Here is my unusual take on the "therapeutic relationship"

Therapy Consumer Guide - What Is ?Therapeutic Relationship? and Does It Exist?

I don't believe in the concept to begin with. But you might feel differently. In any case. I am just responding to the title of your thread which is a bout a therapeutic relationship. So take it for what it's worth.

This is a brilliant article, thanks the sharing. I do agree with it. My thread title does use the words 'therapeutic relationship' because it was the easiest way to name the whole area of topics. it's not a relationship as such, if anything 'a professional relationship' but what i want to discuss is exactly what the article mentions, my preoccupation with therapy and therapist that has never been encouraged.
It is very easy to form an attachment to someone who is kind and who gives you undivided attention. it's like a drug. i started off wanting to sort my life out and now all i want from therapy is her attention and approval. something has clearly gone wrong and i either quit or talk about it... this is what this post is about...
i dont know how to bring it up.

[zoiecat]

I hate to say this and I could be totally wrong but you implied that your emails are getting longer and longer is it possible that she's just no longer reading them and that's why she doesn't bring anything up from the emails?

If you don't want to know the answer to that question why not write out what you want or type it out and print it off hand it to her at the beginning of the session. I never send my therapist emails but quite frequently I do write out things that I don't have the guts to bring up in person I then hand him the paper at the beginning of the session and he takes it from there. I find it very helpful in those are actually some of my best sessions because he addresses line-by-line everything I wrote in the paper.

It might be worth a try since the email situation doesn't seem to be working.

[Ididitmyway]

Originally Posted by confused_77

This is a brilliant article, thanks the sharing. I do agree with it. My thread title does use the words 'therapeutic relationship' because it was the easiest way to name the whole area of topics. it's not a relationship as such, if anything 'a professional relationship' but what i want to discuss is exactly what the article mentions, my preoccupation with therapy and therapist that has never been encouraged.
It is very easy to form an attachment to someone who is kind and who gives you undivided attention. it's like a drug. i started off wanting to sort my life out and now all i want from therapy is her attention and approval. something has clearly gone wrong and i either quit or talk about it... this is what this post is about...
i dont know how to bring it up.

When you mentioned preoccupation with therapy and therapist and that therapy can become like a drug, I immediately thought of another article I wrote precisely on this topic. Here it is Can Therapy Become an Addiction?

I suffered from the same thing. I do believe that the preoccupation you describe is a real addiction, no less real than addiction substances.

And, unfortunately, it's highly unlikely that this problem will get resolved through talking with the therapist about it. I've been there, done that. Didn't help at all. I've known other people who've been there, done that. The same result. See, therapists don't recognize this as an addiction and as something to be considered a serious problem. I hate to be pessimistic and discouraging, but, based on my experience and the experience of every person I know who had the same problem, when you try to address it and to resolve it with the therapist, not only it doesn't go anywhere, but many times it gets worse. Therapists are not trained to recognize your experience as a problem. They are trained to think that this is a normal part of the "process", which it is NOT. So, most likely, if you try to address it with the therapist, you'd be left feeling misunderstood and invalidated, which only makes the situation worse..I am sorry that I don't have a more optimistic insight to share, but to me this seems to be the dark reality of the issue you are describing..