[stopdog]

From an interview with an old therapist:

PN: What was it about being a therapist that you loved so much?

POLSTER: I loved being engaged. I loved mattering. I loved digging deeper into the specifics of the moment. I liked the sense of being myself and also feeling like a member of the wider human community.

https://www.psychotherapynetworker.o..._noonthrottled

The part I found interesting was that at least this one did not try and couch it in how much he cared/was a healer/etc. He focused on himself and not how altruistic he thought he was by becoming a therapist.

[Argonautomobile]

I think "mattering" is more about an internal sense of purpose than any objective impact on the world. I can see how therapists would feel the former - I have no idea how one would measure the latter. On a wide enough scale, nobody makes a difference. On a small enough one, everyone does.

[InnerPeace111]

Yes, my therapist matters to me. I choose to believe I matter to her as well. It’s not something I wonder about or dwell upon or question. It’s a fact that human beings are wired for connection. Plus, it just makes me feel good to think I matter just as much to her as she does to me.

[DP_2017]

I think everyone wants to matter and well, they should, at least to someone. Therapists are still human, so sure, they want it and they do matter.

[stopdog]

I don't believe they matter all that much by being therapists. And I don't believe any specific therapist matters at all.

Well, looking at this forum, they obviously matter to a lot of people.

[Myrto]

Matter to the clients? In my case, no the therapist doesn't matter. Wanting to matter to your spouse or your friends or even your coworkers is one thing. Wanting to matter to clients, I find it creepy and entitled. But I'm not surprised this therapist (or therapists in general) wants that. It's been my experience that they very much want to matter to their clients, they expect and encourage it.

[awkwardlyyours]

I thought the most revealing part — that I’ve often wondered about as well — is where he said he’s so happy to not have to deal with the commitment of showing up any more and has his sense of freedom back.

I think everyone wants to matter to others (even if the truth is that they don’t) — be it in their jobs or in their personal lives.

I don’t see why therapists wouldn’t feel the same since clients are their jobs.

I think there's also the perspective of a t "mattering" as in making a difference in the world, because through their work the potential is there to help their client learn how to help themselves, help their client want to matter in the first place, and then help their client find their own path to mattering in the world.

or something.

this question inspired some deep thinking in me this morning that I'm not really able to put into words....

My t matters to me, I think she also matters in the world because of how much she has helped me and I'm sure if she's helped me this much, she's helped other clients as well though of course I can't speak for anyone else.

I started thinking and haven't even read the article yet though oops

[WarmFuzzySocks]

On an individual level, my therapist matters to me in the sense of being significant in my life.

In a larger sense, making an impact on the "wider human community," maybe? I don't think the work that she does with me is going to change the world (insert heart and rainbows and puffy clouds here). But the work that we do together has an impact on the way I interact with the people around me, and likely my career path. Because of the work I've been able to do with her, my family is stronger and healthier and my friendships are deeper, a kind of ripple effect.

Maybe all of those little microimpacts added up across people and therapists add up to some kind of significance that actually does have an impact on the world, or at least mitigates the effects of some of the horrifying things humans can do to one another.

[Argonautomobile]

This comes up a lot in teaching. I don't know why it bothers me so much to hear colleagues and TV teachers (mostly TV teachers) talk about "making a difference." It sounds so self-centered sometimes, so presumptuous.

And I don't know why, because certainly I believe teachers can "make a difference" and "matter." I had many teachers who I felt made a difference in my life - a big difference. Students/parents have told me I make a difference / matter (Which is very ego-stroking, of course).

Anyway. I find this similar to therapists - my therapist matters to me. But the idea of him bragging about it at a cocktail party is distasteful.

ETA: If the question is more about whether the profession as a whole is a worthy one...Well, I admit that my own prejudices place therapists before, like, Wall Street executives.

[ruh roh]

I can't comment on other therapists, but the one in this article is talking about mattering in terms of being engaged with another human being in the moment, that to him it feels that he matters because he is being present with someone. The energy is there, flowing back and forth between people, each separate but also in community. It seems like he's talking about his own human need fulfilled through work. Not all people find that they matter at work, but he does. So I see his comment in that light. I used to feel that I mattered at work. I don't any more. It's not a good feeling.

[Jazz1971]

I also like his honestly and the fact that he doesn't pile on the altruistic nonsense. I interpret "matters" in this context to mean that he feels engaged in the process and with his clients. In the previous comment he says that he doesn't find his job any different from that of an electrician or plumber. The guy genuinely just likes his job.

[tomatenoir]

Should a therapist always (personally) matter to clients? No. Some people don't need or want that kind of relationship with their therapist, and that's OK. It's more important that therapy provides a service than a relationship. But I'd argue some clients won't be able to accept the service without the relationship.

I'm one of them. My therapist matters to me. Not to the extent my husband or friends do, but he still matters. Sometimes it's hard to accept I might only matter to my therapist between 8 and 9pm on Wednesday nights. But I do know I am the ONLY thing that matters in that hour. My sessions start on time. He has never cancelled. He listens with everything he has. He is there with me, and my growth as a person matters to him.

He recently told me he does think of me outside sessions - - that I don't just disappear when the hour is up, that I do actually matter to him. It's nice to hear, but I don't take it in because I'll never really know if it's true. He looked upset when I told him I would never know if I matter to him - - but I can't see how it could be otherwise. I pay him.

I think Antoine St Exupery sums up why many therapists matter to clients, and vice versa.

'It is the time you have spent on your rose that makes your rose so important.'

I like the honesty of it as well.