T told me she was proud of me today. It's not the first time she's said it but I usually blow it off. Today I felt it though and that made me uncomfortable.. .. how can she feel proud of me? I have a hard time believing her (or anyone really) when they compliment me....

Does anyone else do this? Do T's really mean what they say when they are being positive or is it all smoke and mirrors?

I may have trust issues.

[stopdog]

For me the question is why do therapists think they get to do it? I think those people say most things as an attempt to manipulate clients into what the therapist thinks is best -regardless of what the client thinks or wants. But for me, it does not matter if the therapist believes what they say or not. To me it would be an affront because the therapist is in no position to me to say such things. It makes no difference to me what the therapist thinks about what I do and for them to assume they matter is the part where I think they fail.

My therapists said it. They said, "I am proud, happy, or excited for me only after I expressed a desire to do things in my life that I found difficult or impossible to accomplish because of childhood baggage. I still appreciate it. The only difference now is I am able to accept "I'm proud of you" from family, colleagues and friends and actually believe them.

Some don't need it and find it infantilizing and I can appreciate that POV.

[fille_folle]

I don't think I've had a T say she's proud of me. However, I have received other compliments, though. I never know how to respond. I do believe the compliments are genuine, as they are rare, but I guess I just feel a bit abashed.

My current therapist seems to be into compliments. He's told me numerous times in the last couple of weeks that he's proud of me. It did feel infantalizing, and I told him so a couple of weeks ago, though not in so many words. He asked how I'd prefer him to handle moments like that in the future. I had the sense that he was genuinely proud.

I told him not to do anything differently. Similarly to you, I have a hard time accepting anything complimentary. So while it feels "off," the way I'm approaching my therapy is I want it to be an authentic experience. If T feels the desire to express pride, then so be it. On the other hand, if T is feeling some negative countertransference, I'd want to know that too.

If your T is willing to discuss the relationship, it may be helpful to have this conversation with her.

[nottrustin]

I don't think either of my T's have said they are proud of me. They say how strong I am, a great mom I am, etc. They know I struggle with believing them. Part of their goal is to help me believe in myself as much as others do (Not only them but my friends, coworkers, family, etc)

[maybeblue]

Mine is careful about compliments. He'll give me occasional specific compliments like that he appreciates me coming in willing to discuss difficult topics. I can't imagine him using the words "I'm proud of you," and although I really do appreciate specific feedback about what I am doing in therapy, I don't want to get into a pattern of doing things just to please him.

[Favorite Jeans]

"Proud of you" is so tricky and (for me) flirts with condescension. To me it sounds suspiciously like "you have pleased me" and therefore I don't much like when people say it said to me and I tend not to say to my kids or anyone else. It pushes my buttons much more than other compliments. I like specific compliments that are about something I have done. For example "the presentation was really clear and concise, I left with a better understanding of X than I'd had before" is the kind of compliment that makes me feel proud of myself.

[seeker33]

I didn't like when the therapist used this phrase after 2 or 3 weeks of knowing me. It felt fake. You can't be proud of a person after such a short time.
Now when she says that I tend to believe her or at least hearing that helps me be proud of myself. I need positive feedback, than I can progress. Sometimes I do things just to hear positive reinforcement from her. I know it's extremely infantile and won't work in the long term but that's where I am at the moment.

My pdoc has said he was proud of me a few times and I have gladly accepted the compliment.

[ruh roh]

I don't think mine has ever said she's proud, but she has offered compliments. When I don't respond to them, she adds, ...or not, I don't know. So I just ignore anything positive and treat it as a therapy tool/guessing game.

Originally Posted by besidemyselvez

T told me she was proud of me today. It's not the first time she's said it but I usually blow it off. Today I felt it though and that made me uncomfortable.. .. how can she feel proud of me? I have a hard time believing her (or anyone really) when they compliment me....

Does anyone else do this? Do T's really mean what they say when they are being positive or is it all smoke and mirrors?

I may have trust issues.

I wouldn't I like it said like that. I'm not sure exactly why. It feels fake. Might not be. But it doesn't feel like peer to peer lingo. Not saying they'd the case. But that's how I'd feel.
T has said to me that I don't give myself enough credit for this or that, and I'm fine with it said like that.
But proud!? Nah. Us I know that's not T's lingo so maybe I'm seeing her face and thinking that word and it doesn't match.
Dunno.

I enjoy it when my therapist says she is proud of me.

[bounceback]

Some of my therapists have given me compliments like how hard I work, how trustworthy, how much time I put into a homework assignment etc. The last one though, I don't think she ever gave me a compliment once.

[Thalassophile]

My T has never said he is proud of me.... I'm not sure how I would feel if he did. He rarely compliments me which I think is intentional based on his style. There has been a handful of occasions when I feel like he has let his 'guard' down and said something complimentary. I barely take in what was said in the moment though and It usually is something I remember after the session. I find it much easier to remember a sentence that had a double meaning or could have been negative. It's like he could say 100 positive things and 1 slightly potential negative thing and I will focus on the 1 potential negative.

[InnerPeace111]

I enjoy compliments from my T. I used to have a hard time accepting compliments from anyone in my life but it’s something I’ve worked on and gotten better at — not perfect...just better.