I'm curious because I have to cancel my next session. And I never cancel sessions - well except over the summer when I got pissed off at her and quit via email! But that doesn't really count because at the time, I intended to never go back. I'm talking about canceling but not quitting.

This is my first poll sorry if it's dumb!

[DP_2017]

I've never cancelled but if I did, sure why not?

My T tells me why when he cancels, so I'd do the same

I'll typically explain if I can't schedule for some reason, but if I cancel after the appointment has been made, I'll be very vague More often than not I'll say nothing other than "will need to cancel, thanks."

[downandlonely]

I am honest about it.

[ruh roh]

I voted other. I would have picked sometimes, but I don't think my reasons are stupid.

I haven't cancelled much, but when I have, I usually say why--sick or that the road is blocked. I think once I cancelled because I was too depressed to go, so I just said I couldn't make it, and left it at that.

I guess I tend to state the reason because I would like the same from my therapist if she has to cancel or reschedule.

[maybeblue]

With the therapist that I communicate in email directly with I tell...probably in more detail than she want because I always feel guilty. The other therapist I usually schedule through the office. I don't tell the receptionist.

[ruh roh]

btw, it's not a dumb poll.

[awkwardlyyours]

If I tried cancelling without saying why, Blondie has almost always either asked me why and not taken a simple can't-make-it at face value; or, has written saying she hopes I'll make it and she's sorry I'm planning not to (she's said in the past that she's thought about how to craft the perfect response).

All of the above was when I was pissed as heck at her.

The only time we didn't get into this sort of high drama is when I was travelling and had to cancel a scheduled phone session with just a little over 24 hrs notice because of work and I told her so. She just said okay and that's it.

I recently told her I'll have to miss a session next week and she asked why and so, I told her it's because of work and she offered me an alternate slot.

Medea usually used to go out of her way to offer me alternate slots when I tried to cancel. It was weird given her general Medea-ness.

[AllHeart]

Not dumb.
I have cancelled on occasion and usually give a brief explaination why, like, something with Work came up and I have to reschedule. If I cancelled with less than 24 hour notice for emergencies I gave a little more detail so I wouldn’t be charged. That’s my comfort zone.

[lucozader]

I've only ever had to cancel a session once, I think (others have been rescheduled)... and that was when I was having an endobronchial ultrasound, and I did explain that... perhaps because I wanted some sympathy or something.

I don't think I would generally feel any need to say why. Maybe if it was at the last minute.

Not dumb at all, I think it is a good question even just regarding general social etiquette. Sometimes. I never had an urge that I necessarily had to explain but generally feel that saying something is polite. I usually either provided no explanation when I was in a relapse and did not go to session because I decided to drink or was too hungover. Pretty much the same in everyday life, I cut it too short or lie when I have something shameful to hide. I only had a T pushing it a bit once and he was right as it was one of those times when I lied. I shut it down though so he could not do anything else.

She tells me why she cancels and so I would give her a reason if I cancelled. Neither approach is wrong.

[stopdog]

No. I don't think it matters why I am cancelling.
Frankly I don't care why students don't come to class or my clients miss appointments. I dislike waiting around if they are not coming, but why they cancel is not something that concerns me any more than why I cancelled would be of any concern to a therapist. The woman never asked.

[MobiusPsyche]

I haven't ever cancelled but if I did, sure I would tell T why. She's only had to cancel on me once and she told me why.

I also tell her why I have to skip a regular session (eg if I'm going to a conference and can't schedule at our regular time). I do it so she doesn't worry. What she would worry about, I don't know. I guess it just seems the polite thing to do.

[LonesomeTonight]

I was going to say that I've always said why I've canceled...then realized that we canceled on MC two months ago without saying why at the time. Or we might have said it was a work conflict for H...when in reality it was that I was feeling ambivalent about things with MC and didn't know what I wanted to do with the session (terminate or not) so wanted more time to figure that out. Otherwise, I've been honest. (Like recently when we also had to reschedule MC because we had to go to a meeting at D's school.)

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

I was going to say that I've always said why I've canceled...then realized that we canceled on MC two months ago without saying why at the time. Or we might have said it was a work conflict for H...when in reality it was that I was feeling ambivalent about things with MC and didn't know what I wanted to do with the session (terminate or not) so wanted more time to figure that out. Otherwise, I've been honest. (Like recently when we also had to reschedule MC because we had to go to a meeting at D's school.)

Thanks for sharing that. I feel some temptation to say I have to work late or something. Glad it's not just me!

I think I'm going to just go on the 12th, and tell her in person I need to reschedule the 26th for sometime in May. If I ever figure out how to think with my brain FIRST, I won't need therapy anymore. Ha. Ha ha. Ha ha ha.

[ElectricManatee]

I don't know that I've ever canceled, but I have had to reschedule on very short notice because of medical things. It was an ongoing thing that I had talked about with my T, so it made sense to briefly tell her what I was doing, especially since the incredibly short notice would have been pretty uncool without explaining.

Art, based on your Dear T post, it sounds like you feel like you need to justify canceling to your T, which I think is a different matter entirely. She just shouldn't be able to claim that kind of power over you. Your budget, your schedule, your decisions. Her comment about taking credit cards (implying you should spend money you don't have) strikes me as a bit gross. This seems like a perfect situation to practice setting a firm boundary and sticking to it. Go back when you can afford it, if you want to. Don't apologize for making responsible financial choices.

[Wonderfalls]

I wouldn't plan to because she's never explained when she's rearranged things, but in real life I probably would, to the receptionist.

[InnerPeace111]

Sometimes yes and sometimes no. I never think my reasons are stupid.

[88Butterfly88]

I do 95% of the time. Once I canceled a t to see a new t and didn't tell her until after. I ended up leaving her and just seeing the new t.

[GeekyOne]

I do tell my T why when I cancel. It's partly because it just seems polite and partly because I want to show that I take our time/work seriously and I am not blowing her off.

Originally Posted by ElectricManatee

I don't know that I've ever canceled, but I have had to reschedule on very short notice because of medical things. It was an ongoing thing that I had talked about with my T, so it made sense to briefly tell her what I was doing, especially since the incredibly short notice would have been pretty uncool without explaining.

Art, based on your Dear T post, it sounds like you feel like you need to justify canceling to your T, which I think is a different matter entirely. She just shouldn't be able to claim that kind of power over you. Your budget, your schedule, your decisions. Her comment about taking credit cards (implying you should spend money you don't have) strikes me as a bit gross. This seems like a perfect situation to practice setting a firm boundary and sticking to it. Go back when you can afford it, if you want to. Don't apologize for making responsible financial choices.

Thank you. That's the word my brain wasn't finding - "justify". That's exactly what I feel like I have to do. I really like how you explained that! And you're so right it is a perfect situation to practice setting a firm boundary and sticking to it. I have tried that with her in the past and have not been able to stick to it. I think I just felt my backbone grow a little stronger. Thank you thank you. And I won't apologize when I tell her. I can do this.

[ChickenNoodleSoup]

I would never cancel for any reason that wasn't very important, and he always gets informed about important things... so I'd tell him, whatever it was.

[velcro003]

i've only cancelled maybe once or twice, and they were because i was sick/in pain when i had a kidney stone, and yeah i've told her.

[velcro003]

LT: I just read your Dear T post, and I honestly would just e-mail her tonight/tomorrow and say "Hey I need to cancel for the foreseeable future because H's medical expenses are overwhelming. I will call or e-mail for an appointment. Thanks, Art"

The End.