Has therapy helped or not helped (incl.harm from therapy)

Hmm, I've had that experience in and outside of therapy, but I do not interpret it as someone intentionally trying to make me angry. That seems like a leap over several links of a potentially causal chain.

I think my perception of other people in front of me is at least as much about me as it is about them. The more vulnerable I feel, the more searching I am for cues in the other person (and for me, those cues skew to the negative), and thus I tend to see people as colder, more rushed, less present with me.

I also try to remember that I impact the person sitting across from me, even my T. He might be reacting to me. I have felt it at times: the more open I am, the more open he is. Sometimes my perception of the other person is distorted not only because of the lens I'm looking through, but because they are reacting to me.

I think expectations of consistency and more than one person in a room are difficult to achieve. In my experience of my therapist, he engages in certain behaviors, including the way he greets me, sits down, and asks me how I am. But how I feel about each session, including him, is wildly different from week to week. Sometimes it's been a topic of conversation and can be revealing. I wonder if it would be helpful to you to say how you experience things.

Previous T over five years ago:
Not Helped
*I despised my neediness and so did he, called me "childish"
*Had countertransference
*Thought he knew/understood me, but it is obvious now, he didn't.
*He wanted me to be someone else (a perfect patient)
*Was manipulative when trying to terminate, treated me like a piece of garbage, then threw me away. Thank God I got out. It damaged me.

Current T
Helped/and continues to help
*Continues to help me with my social anxiety
*Accepts me for who I am while also helping me become who I want to be
*He treats my so kindly, so caring, so understanding even when I am at my worst. He has a good sense of humor that I like.
*I know some will say this is "idealization", but while he's not perfect as no one is, he deserves the Nobel Peace Prize for helping decrease tensions within me, and I highly suspect he is the same with his other patients. I believe he is noticed in the therapy community, but I wish all of them knew how effective he is. I feel so accepted and I don't feel like I am irritating him although I sometimes worry. Yes, I am afraid of leaving because he has helped so much that I am going to hate to not see him again. It makes me sad to think of it. I am thinking about something creative for when (it ends so he will always remember what a huge difference he has made and continues to make in my life. Of course, we re not thinking of stopping anytime soon Not sure what I am going to give him when, well, you know. But whatever it is he will know that h e made a huge difference in my life. And I hope he will always remember me. I have to stop before I cry.

He has changed my life, I am becoming the person I want to be.

Hi, I really appreciate your interest and this has been a very interesting thread. All of your questions are great and very valid. The thing about my own desire of participating in this message board is that I prefer not to bring or provide any professional opinion here. I know that I sometimes kinda cross that boudary but this is a good reminder for me to stay where I should stay. I am here just like any of us... I hope you understand

Thank you for your response. I’ve wondered if my therapist is responding to my behaviors, for lack of a better word. I think she gets annoyed with me sometimes because I am resistant to body work. But at the same time I really feel like the warm to cold stuff is on her. I don’t know if she is experiencing counter transference or if she is just screwing with me. I’m going to do better with discussing what I am feeling.