Reacting like a child would

I have temper tantrums, both in and outside of her office. I tell her I hate her, just walk out, or, on one occasion, intentionally no-showed. They are always followed by massive amounts of guilt and shame but (thankfully) have not been an issue recently. She refused to be anything but kind and understanding even when I have been awful to her so I feel like I am more able to reign that in. She says (and I agree) that it's a fear of trust/abandonment and those childish parts are pushing her away before she can leave me.

I feel like I have temper tantrums too, that sometimes result in me acting out. T wants me to keep thought records and to not self harm, so sometimes I get upset and think that I don't want to do the stupid thought record and he can't make me and it's my body and I'll self harm if I want to, so there!
I feel quite silly and childish. Now all I need to do is start stomping my feet.

Wow you ave had some bad therapist...

The first one was my psychiatric supervisor for the resident. The other one was the resident prescribing me meds. He eventually even wrote in my reports that I was only supposed to have women doctors which I don't mind. It's just that he didn't ask about anything like that, and I feel like it had mostly to do with this interaction.

Yeah when I’m symptomatic, I tend to act out A LOT. In similar ways to how you describe, too. T puts a stop to that quickly, though. She calls me out on it right away, and when I get called out for acting out, I stop because I feel foolish. T told me to stop testing her last week. Oops.

Therapy was regressive and enfeebling for me. I believe therapists encouraged this by assuming an authoritarian cloak, pretending a wisdom and omniscience they really didn't possess. I reflexively responded like a child in the presence of a powerful elder. I stressed my wounds and persecution so I'd be rewarded with the therapist's solace. Unfortunately, therapy reinforced my weaknesses instead of my strengths.