[ChickenNoodleSoup]

I am wondering whether other people ever experience something similar (not necessarily the same feelings and behaviors, just more in general):

I have a lot of trouble looking at my T. I get very scared of it, usually because it hurts to do so. Today we spent almost all of my session talking about this and practicing eye contact. The first time I looked at him, I got very scared. So I instinctively covered my face with my jacket I was holding. To me this seems much more like a child's reaction than what I'd have expected. I can think of some other things I sometimes do that might be linked to something in my childhood. But when I do these things I never think that I'm behaving like a child. I might be (or at least might show some behaviors because of things in childhood), but I don't notice.

Do any of you sometimes behave like a child when in a session? Can you notice when you do?

[twistypringle98]

I don't quite remember a time when I reacted like a child, but I remember a few times when my doc acted like a parent.

Once, right after the session when he knew I didn't have a job, he sort of gave me the evil eye and screamed at me, "Get a job!" I wanted to changed right then and there. Doctors, I mean.

And one time, a different doc actually asked me if I wanted a boyfriend.

[velcro003]

I am not sure how I am in session relates to being a child, but it IS a different part of me that no one else sees. I think it is mostly due to the extreme uncomfortableness I have around being vulnerable, so I curl up in a ball on the farthest side of the couch from her, and always have a pillow on my lap. I never make eye contact: well my T says that the rare times I do, it is because she has said something so ludicrous (to me) that I have to look at her so I can roll my eyes. LOL.

We've talked a little bit about my posture/lack of eye contact, but it isn't something I really feel like delving into. She has said that she can't decide if I just am so comfortable being myself that I feel free to curl up and hide, or that I feel so uncomfortable that it is all I can do.

It sounds silly typed out, but I get what she means. She knows I don't do that in "normal" conversations with people, but also I don't talk about any of this stuff with anyone else, so it is hard to determine.

[healinginprogress]

I do think I exhibit child-like behaviors at times. Sometimes I recognize it and sometimes I don't. I assume it's because there's some maternal transference there. Plus I don't think I ever really had good parental guidance on how to become and adult.

[the forgotten]

I sure go back and forth, and notice my adult and childlike things at the same time. I liken the adult things to being my brain and intellect, and my childlikeness to emotions.

For instance, I can hear the good and helpful information my T might be spewing forth (adult) while all I can feel is that I want her to hug me and tell me she loves me (child).

It's not a bad thing at all. From all the research I have done, it's a normal part of the healing journey. Give yourself the room to simply allow those feelings to exist without judgement.

[Elio]

Yes, I can get so shy, I try tuck my head into my shoulder and get these small smile. I can also hear a difference in the way I talk.

Sometimes I can feel both the adult and the child. I also can feel an older child. I can tell it is still a child because of of the cognitive level in processing information.

[bobcat21]

I’ve done that a few times mostly when I feel embarrassed about something put a jacket over me and try hiding like I’m embarrassed.

[MRT6211]

Yes, absolutely. My T and I have a unique kind of relationship, and she’s a unique T, so often she will be very firm and direct with me. Sometimes my response to that, for whatever reason, is to cross my arms, slouch down, and basically pout like a little kid. T calls me out on it and tells me to stop acting like a “petulant child,” as it’s not appropriate for someone my age to act like that because I don’t like what was said to me.

Other times, she seems to embrace me going into my childlike state. When I talk about something that makes me fee vulnerable, I tend to hide my face in my sweatshirt/jacket and look down/away from her. She doesn’t scold me for this like she does when I pout. I guess the distinction is clear to her and the latter is to be encouraged, the former to be discouraged.

[lilypeppermint]

This is really normal in therapy. It’s called regression.

[feralkittymom]

With former T sometimes my feelings would reflect myself as a child, but never my behaviors. But there's also a stage of child development when children believe that if they cover their own eyes, they are invisible to others. So is the discomfort at such times in therapy about seeing or being seen? Or both?

[velcro003]

Originally Posted by feralkittymom

With former T sometimes my feelings would reflect myself as a child, but never my behaviors. But there's also a stage of child development when children believe that if they cover their own eyes, they are invisible to others. So is the discomfort at such times in therapy about seeing or being seen? Or both?

I think for me, more being seen? This is so fascinating because I had NEVER thought of this, and I work with 2 year-olds every day! I have one little boy right now who closes his eyes every time I scold him, and I know it is a developmental thing, like: I can't see you, so you can't see me: aka: I am not in trouble

[feralkittymom]

Acc to this article, kids do this around 3-4yrs, but maybe your little boy is either advanced or something else is going on: https://digest.bps.org.uk/2016/11/28...tact-digested/

It also says that averting a gaze can help us concentrate, so maybe he's overwhelmed more easily by language input (or I wonder if emotional input could function the same way?)

[Lemoncake]

I think you react as you react and that's okay.

I watched this documentary on youtube about a mother with severe depression who had trouble bonding with her baby. She saw a parent and child therapist at the Anna Freud center when her baby was just 5 months old at the time. And personally I was rather surprised that even at that young age the baby had learnt to look away from the mother's face because her blank face was distressing.

I don't maintain eye contact mostly when I have feelings of a lot of shame. But I think it would also be about feeling safe.

I remember a session with my former t really vividly because I handed her a letter disclosing a secret I had kept for close to a year of sessions...then promptly ran to a corner of the room and sat there with my knees up and my face hidden! I felt so very like a frightened child.

The therapy room is like a microscope.
The space gives room for whatever wounds we have to float to the surface .
Our early life is that first block in our history. Normal every day life is to busy to really look at how we're behaving and why. Though plenty of people act childlike in normal life.
It just gets space to be noticed in therapy. This is what therapy is for.

[ChickenNoodleSoup]

Thanks everyone! I'm glad I'm not alone with this. I am not sure why I have such trouble looking at my T. It used to be fine for quite a long time, only started recently. Still trying to figure it out. I'm grateful for all your input.

[junkDNA]

I've his myself under a blanket curled up in a ball on his couch before. it was when I was trying to get clean again and I had gone to my mom's and not used which as a victory. t started lecturing me about how I just shouldn't go to my mom and why am I putting myself in risky situations. then at the end he said but I'm proud of you

I said thanks for saying that after the huge lecture. I felt upset and young so I hid.. literally

t picked up on all that and said I'm sorry. he said I came in there all excited to tell him about my not using and be just lectures me. he said something about how now my child part came out and hid in the blanket from him. he apologized again and said I just worry about you

that's just one example of how my child part comes out in sessions. but it's not always a negative thing. sometimes it comes out to play and be silly with t

[justbreathe1994]

Yeah, I can relate to this. I feel I act more childish than like adult at times. I have a stuffed animal that T has hugged for me and I’m quite small, so I often find myself curled up under the table or in the corner of the room behind her book shelf. My T is very understanding and I don’t feel like I have to pretend to act a certain way when I’m with her, however, I can also be quite bratty with her which she doesn’t like (understandably). I think it’s pretty normal to have those feelings come up.

[coolibrarian]

Originally Posted by ChickenNoodleSoup

I am wondering whether other people ever experience something similar (not necessarily the same feelings and behaviors, just more in general):

I have a lot of trouble looking at my T. I get very scared of it, usually because it hurts to do so. Today we spent almost all of my session talking about this and practicing eye contact. The first time I looked at him, I got very scared. So I instinctively covered my face with my jacket I was holding. To me this seems much more like a child's reaction than what I'd have expected. I can think of some other things I sometimes do that might be linked to something in my childhood. But when I do these things I never think that I'm behaving like a child. I might be (or at least might show some behaviors because of things in childhood), but I don't notice.

Do any of you sometimes behave like a child when in a session? Can you notice when you do?

Sometimes, especially if we are talking about something connected to shame.

[Fuzzybear]

I didn’t know that a baby at 5 months would learn to look away from the mothers face because the blank face is distressing (my mother was depressed and had ... other issues.. but never got help)

I have heard about “maternal reverie” - some mothers can’t or don’t

Thanks for this thread

In therapy, especially if “shame” is felt, yes

[LabRat27]

I hide my face sometimes in shame. I don't think shame is necessarily childish, and I think most people don't want to make eye contact and are likely to try to hide their face if they're feeling vulnerable or talking about something they feel shame about.
Last session I spent the entire time sitting on the floor hiding behind my usual armchair so my therapist couldn't even look at me.

I definitely experience childish parts coming out. I often get the urge to say things or ask things that a child would, that I know aren't useful or relevant. Yesterday I let myself ask a few of those questions for the first time, after explaining that I knew that they were childish and I felt silly asking but I needed to ask "are you mad at me? Do you hate me?" He reassured me that he wasn't mad at me and didn't hate me, and I said "promise?" And he said yes.
So I was definitely being childish, but I was feeling really vulnerable and needed to hear him say those things, even though rationally I knew it was obvious that he wasn't mad at me and didn't hate me. He was okay with me doing so, because it's part of what I need to feel safe, even if I feel like I "shouldn't."

[Fuzzybear]

It sounds like this is a good therapist

I wonder where they all are in this forest

Originally Posted by LabRat27

I hide my face sometimes in shame. I don't think shame is necessarily childish, and I think most people don't want to make eye contact and are likely to try to hide their face if they're feeling vulnerable or talking about something they feel shame about.
Last session I spent the entire time sitting on the floor hiding behind my usual armchair so my therapist couldn't even look at me.

I definitely experience childish parts coming out. I often get the urge to say things or ask things that a child would, that I know aren't useful or relevant. Yesterday I let myself ask a few of those questions for the first time, after explaining that I knew that they were childish and I felt silly asking but I needed to ask "are you mad at me? Do you hate me?" He reassured me that he wasn't mad at me and didn't hate me, and I said "promise?" And he said yes.
So I was definitely being childish, but I was feeling really vulnerable and needed to hear him say those things, even though rationally I knew it was obvious that he wasn't mad at me and didn't hate me. He was okay with me doing so, because it's part of what I need to feel safe, even if I feel like I "shouldn't."

[toomanycats]

I do and have done literally what you describe
Instinctual
Without thinking

[LabRat27]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

It sounds like this is a good therapist


I wonder where they all are in this forest

He is. I'm really glad I found him.
I'd been through a lot of therapists before finding him though.

I hope you find one soon.

[twistypringle98]

I blush at the slightest things. I have a tendency to overexaggerate what another is going to think of the things I've said, and really I've said some terrible things. In and out of psychotherapy.