[hopealwayz]

My T thinks I’m fine and now I feel like he thinks that I shouldn’t be there but I don’t know how to tell him this without making him mad.

[LittleAfrica]

Hi Hope I'm sorry you feel this way. I don't know what you're in therapy for and you don't have to say. So does your therapist only work when people have particular issues/crises? If you're not working on anything per se does that mean he is not willing to just be there for support? I'm trying to understand the context a bit.

[hopealwayz]

I was trying to explain how depressed that I’ve been. I feel like he minimized that. When I told him that I’m not getting stuff done because I was depressed and have been making self sabotaging decisions, he said that maybe I didn’t want to change it.

[hopealwayz]

He works with all kinds of issues. I just feel like we’re stuck because I’m depressed.

[LittleAfrica]

For what it's worth it doesn't seem like he thinks you're fine/normal and shouldn't be there. That’s more likely negative self talk/thinking. I'm sorry you felt minimized. I won't comment on his comment as perhaps that's his approach to maybe challenge at times. You would know better. You've explained it pretty well here. Can you give this to your therapist and discuss it again? I don't think he'd be mad.

[hopealwayz]

I can try to tell him.

[ChickenNoodleSoup]

My T sometimes says things like "X you do is normal" (how I feel or how I act or whatever else it could be). He doesn't do this to tell me that I am completely fine and normal and shouldn't receive therapy, but to make me feel less alone. So I know that everyone is depressed from time to time. Everyone is sad sometimes, everyone sometimes does things even though he didn't want to, and so on.

Could it be your T wanted to say something more along the lines of that? Of course it can still be minimizing and I also think it might be a good idea to bring it up with him. Ts sometimes try out some things with clients to see what works and what does not. For me it works that my T says things like that, for you it doesn't. But your T can't know that it hurts or bothers you without you telling him. If you tell him, he can improve.

[lilypeppermint]

I once told my T that telling me xyz was normal made me feel like he was belittling my problems. He said he actually wanted to let me know I wasn’t alone. Me: well that really backfired.

I really hope you can talk to your T about it.

[hopealwayz]

I don’t think he will understand.

[ChickenNoodleSoup]

He's the one who so far has done a pretty okay job, right? I think a lot of people talk to their T and at some point they feel misunderstood. And a lot of them will go back and talk about it at some point (and some are not brave enough to talk, but still go back, and some do not go back at all). It takes courage to talk about it, but I am sure your T has heard before that something he said hurt his client. And I really hope that he can own up to the fact that some people do not like a certain approach and help you in a better way.

[hopealwayz]

I see him today.

[hopealwayz]

I feel confused but not really hurt.

Originally Posted by hopealwayz

My T thinks I’m fine and now I feel like he thinks that I shouldn’t be there but I don’t know how to tell him this without making him mad.

What were his exact words,

[LittleAfrica]

Have you had your session yet Hope?

[hopealwayz]

I did. It was great. He likes seeing me.

[satsuma]

So glad that your session went well!

I think Ts often try to normalise things because they don't really want their clients to have beliefs like "I am totally crazy" or "I am different to everyone in the whole world", I think they see those kinds of beliefs as unhelpful and that it's more helpful for clients to think "it's understandable that I think/say / do xyz given the circumstances". My T often says that sort of thing and I've seen other people writing about it here, so I think it is a general kind of T approach.

I know what you mean about feeling like T is minimising or feeling like you don't need therapy. I used to have those kinds of worries too. I talked to my T about it and he said that he is trying to strike a balance between normalising things and helping me to believe that I am a "normal" person like everyone else, but also listening to what I say and not coming across as minimising or dismissing. I personally find it helpful when T explains his approach or his thoughts about these kinds of things.

Anyway sorry for the rambling response and I hope it hasn't made you feel bad again, I'm really glad that your session went well and hope you can hold on to that!

[dlantern]

Basically just reiterate the need to express yourself socialize it isn't going to always come with it beening implied, so that is why you need to really really understand every concept in therapy. They can come off smug unwilling just as the unwilling worker that had 100% of the efficent and quality. It really depends on what you are dealing with in your social circle though because I'd tell him your being dismissive , but have my plan seek some where else.

[katydid777]

If it were me, I would tell my T how I was feeling, what I would want, and what ever I thought might be important ether to me or to her. (((((((HUGS)))))))

[hopealwayz]

I think I realized where he was coming from. It made me feel good that he enjoys seeing me.

I think I’m trying to stir conflict up with him.