[LostOnTheTrail]

Hi, all.

Had an interesting session today, and the role of the inner critic was a big part of it. I can be talking to R, and suddenly the inner critic stops me in my tracks. It thinks everything I could possibly want to say to her is pointless, wonders why I'm even bothering, that kind of thing...

R pointed out that it's only been in the last five or six sessions that we've really acknowledged the inner critic, which is interesting to me. I don't know what changed to bring it into the room more.

Thankfully, it's compliant with 'Piss off!' or other variant phrases (and R doesn't bat an eyelid at my talking to someone who's obviously not in the room...) but I was wondering whether anybody could offer any strategies or experiences.

What do you do when the critic won't get off your back, and prevents you from saying what you want (and need) to say?

I have a sense of déjà vu about this, so apologies if I've posted something similar before.

Thanks in advance for any advice you might be able to offer.

Ugh. I have a similar part. I go mute in therapy because of him. Sometimes it helps to write it down while im there. My mouth wont work but my hand will. Other timea I just pause and do some deep breathing for a few moments and try to reason with that part. Sometimes that works, sometimes it doesnt.

I have been honest with my therapist and psychiatrist. "This is what I know ought to be but my internal critic tells me instead ____________________."

Could this work for you?

[Lemoncake]

I think I watched a YouTube video which said to change the voice into something comical so it would have less power and couldn't be taken seriously .

[lucozader]

I don't necessarily think of it as an 'inner critic', but I guess that's what I'm being taken over by when I get all filled with wordless shame in session and just curl up in a useless ball and can't express myself.

Covering myself with a sheet somehow helped a lot with that last session. I realise that is an unorthodox approach and perhaps something that only works for me (I haven't worked out exactly why yet)... previously to that, I generally had to be distracted by something nice or funny to come out of the shame-hole. I suppose that usually allows a different part to take over.

Sorry, I'm not sure if any of that is remotely helpful!

I would like to suggest that perhaps telling it to 'piss off' isn't actually the best approach. I know your inner critic seems like a total arsehole but it has its reasons for behaving the way it does. It probably thinks it is protecting you somehow. Could you try to dialogue with it, ask it what it wants, why it won't leave you alone? Something like that? Or get creative - draw a picture of it, sculpt it, see what comes out of that...

[MessyD]

I have the same problem, as my inner critic won't let me talk and express myself. When we worked with that part, we didn't tell it to shut up but tried to figure out why is it there and what does it want? Turns out it's mostly there to protect us from getting hurt. And sometimes we would reason with it and weirdly it worked. I still struggle with it but I think with growing trust it has become a lot safer even for that part so it knows it doesn't always need to protect me from my T. It's still always alert though and won't completely let the guard down and also says my thought and feelings are irrelevant. It's work and it goes up and down but I think becoming aware that it is there and what is it saying is a first step.

[lu2415]

You're not alone, that happens to me also. It makes me completely freeze and I can't talk and can't make eye contact. We've spent a lot of time talking about that response when I'm not feeling it. To be honest, just talking about it has helped tremendously. We came up with a plan for when it does happen and we just stop whatever we were talking about and focus on grounding. During that time, my therapist just reminds me that we can do grounding as long as I need, which I find helpful. I still frequently don't say what I'm thinking because of it in session, but always make a note of it afterward and often am able to bring it up the following week (or even email or text my therapist ahead of the next session that way I'm not having to say it).

In schema therapy theory, there are typically two parts which block the wotk: A Punitive Caregiver/Critic mode and a Detached/Avoidant/Angry/Whatever Protector mode.

For the first, my T and me basically "banish" it from the room because the theory is that it's an introject of abusive caregivers, for example. My therapist will do things like figuratively open the door and figuratively throw it out.

For the second, we've done empty chair work (my "healthy adult" mode vs the protector mode), or T talks with me when I'm in this mode because the theory is that part/mode wants to keep us from being harmed and so blocks the work.

[LostOnTheTrail]

Thank you all so much for your thoughts. QM - 'Avoidant Protector' seems to make sense to me. The critic knows I've been 'harmed' before in sharing my experience and feelings with somebody who wasn't capable of hearing me, so wants to make sure that doesn't happen again...even though rationally I am aware that R would not let that happen.

There seems to be something interesting going on, because it's only come up forcefully in the last five or six sessions - trying to remember when I brought my working relationship with P into the room, and whether this might have something to do with that.