Getting sick of therapy

Hello. I think I'm getting sick of therapy, after being very committed to going every week for like 7 or 8 months. It didn't bother me that it's far from home and I looked forward to my weekly sessions. I have got a lot out of it and have been feeling better from a lot of physical somatic problems I've had from PTSD.

I started to feel weird with my therapist after I felt like he was being different with me a few months ago. I told him I was bothered by the way he spoke to me a couple of times, and he kept on saying it was a misunderstanding and that he makes mistakes and he apologized. I have quite a bit of trust problems so if I feel weird with someone, I get uncomfortable with them. I tend to just end up avoiding them.

He acted kind of weird again, talking about my "anxiety" and kept using air quotations, which basically made me feel like he was discounting what I go through with my fears and worries. He also said getting into a little accident is not a big deal, which is ignoring the fact I have had several car accidents, and had severe injuries from one of them. I am afraid of driving every day but i do it anyway.

Ever since then, I've cancelled appointments every few weeks, especially if i feel like he was being cold or not understanding me. It just seems like it's so far from home and I have a lot of stress for a couple of days after sessions. I'm starting to think that I just suck at communication with people and really only my mom and my husband know me for who I really am.

Maybe I am being impatient with letting him get to know me? Or is it ok to just keep on occasionally cancelling sessions whenever I don't feel like going? I just don't feel very welcome by him anymore, but I have felt this way very easily, except with warm and open people. I don't know. My husband thinks I should find someone else but I feel attached to my therapist already.

Do you feel, and think as objectively as you can, that the attachment is a good thing for you?

It's great that you've gotten a lot out of therapy so far. What else would you like to get out it? With this therapist or another?

I would feel completely invalidated if my therapist used air quotes to talk about the things I struggle with. I would ask him why he is doing that.

I don't really know, I am still pretty bad at trusting myself too. I think I would have to think if this is a good thing. It felt right for me, up until that point when he started being more silly, shrugging off stuff I was talking about. He was acting more like a friend and not as good a listener as before. I don't have any friends right now. I tend to have problems playing around, understanding jokes and I take long to realize someone hurts my feelings. I don't feel comfortable being teased unless it's family or my spouse because they know I am really sensitive.

Basically I started to go to therapy because of bad memories of abuse when I was a kid. I have spoken to him about it a couple of times but it doesn't always come up. I wanted to deal with that stuff and face it, but it's taken a long time because I still suffer from rages at home, and getting triggered a lot. We do a lot of somatic therapy.

I am wondering if i will be able to face what happened or if I am just going to keep avoiding it and trying to forget it. I thought therapy might help me but I started to think that i would be in therapy for a long time. Which I was fine with, until he started acting weird.

Thanks for understanding me. I didn't ask him about the air quotes but I did feel upset about it for weeks. He didn't do it again but I think i am having a harder time talking to him as time goes on. I don't want to have to stick up for myself so much

I've been through a lot of therapy. Used to believe what they said almost without question, except in the back of my mind. And if we disagreed, I tended to take their word and perspective on things rather than my own. A common thing in some people with abuse backgrounds, I think.

And, for me, when one of the therapists was "being weird" or I felt weird about them and tried to just ignore it and go on -- it always ended up being something that we just could not get past once we did talk about it.

How do you feel about looking for somebody else at this point? Like you said, you've made some good progress. Do you feel like you could leave this T now and still hold on to that progress?

Only you can decide what's best for you. I get sick sometimes. Not because of anything T has or hasn't done.
So are you losing faith in the T or just tired of therapy.
I'm tired of therapy when I'm going through one of my quite periods. I prefer those intense sessions.

Tell him to stop using air quotations. Ask him about his weirdness and slip ups. It's true that therapists do slip up from time to time but it shouldn't be a persistent problem. From what you have said, he doesn't sound very self reflective - perhaps he is acting out a bit from your projections and he doesn't realise. This is why in order to become a therapist, you need good training, your own therapy and a good supervisor.

I hope it gets better. Even though you are feeling attached now, if it carries on, I would really recommend getting out sooner rather than later. It can be even harder to de-tangle yourself further along down the line.

Maybe you could tell him you want to take a break for a bit? That way you could meet with some other therapists and see if they would be a better fit and let them know how this one acted so that they don't do the same thing.