[CantExplain]

Is it important that your T be saner than you?

[awkwardlyyours]

Define sane.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by awkwardlyyours

Define sane.

I prefer to leave that to your imagination.

[DP_2017]

No, I prefer a flawed human I can relate to... which is exactly what I have. We both are odd and a bit nuts but it works.

If they felt "too perfect" I would be turned off and not work well with them

[toomanycats]

I'm not sure this is how I'd phrase it ... I'd like my T to be farther along in life and in self understanding than I am.

I have set a pretty low bar for therapists, but one of my few requirements is they not be crazier than me.

[AllHeart]

Heck yes. My ex-t was “insane” and did a lot of damage. My t needs to be sane enough to keep her personal **** out of my therapy and not cause me any long term harm.

[downandlonely]

I would like my T to be more self-aware than I am I think.

[MoxieDoxie]

Originally Posted by ByStarlight

I have set a pretty low bar for therapists, but one of my few requirements is they not be crazier than me.

[yagr]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

Is it important that your T be saner than you?

No. It is important that they can help me.

[ruh roh]

I would sure hope so.

Unpopular opinion: I don't think that it matters. So long as the therapist is able to manage their emotions and countertransference while in session with me, I don't care how hot of a mess they are in their real life. When it starts to affect their job is when I'm bothered.

[velcro003]

I put that I'd prefer that she is. She is pretty transparent about herself, so I picture her as this person who runs around always late (that is me as well), and is a bit neurotic, and not the calm, centered person she is for me each week.

I would not like it if she was deep into a depression like me, as that would be super unhelpful.

[stopdog]

I think the mere fact they wanted to become a therapist makes them less sane than I am.

[maybeblue]

It's important to me that they don't act crazy with me. If they have their own problems that I don't know about, I don't care. When their problems slip into my session it's not ok, but I can imagine that a therapist who has experienced some mental illness might be better able to understand mine. It just needs to be under control enough so that they can focus on my problems.

[Salmon77]

I want to feel like I can rely on T and not worry if anything I say bothers him. So I want him to be mentally healthy enough to do the job. Of course I wouldn't know what he's like when he's off the clock, he might not actually be mentally healthy, but he fakes it well if not.

I find it important that my therapist have her issues under control but do I need her sane? Not really. I need her to be human and it helps if I know that she can empathize with what I am going through.

[MobiusPsyche]

Yes. I need someone who has worked through their own issues and can handle the relationship without acting out towards me.

[Lemoncake]

I'm a rollercoaster of emotional highs and lows. Not saner but I need him to be stable.

[koru_kiwi]

i was ignorant when i went into therapy and assumed my ex-T would be 'saner' than me, but now that i have been there and done all of that and come out the other end, i can clearly see that he definitly has a lot of his own s*%t to still sort out

[Favorite Jeans]

Originally Posted by daisydid

Unpopular opinion: I don't think that it matters. So long as the therapist is able to manage their emotions and countertransference while in session with me, I don't care how hot of a mess they are in their real life. When it starts to affect their job is when I'm bothered.

In principle I agree with this. But 68%* of sanity is knowing what belongs to me and what belongs to you in an emotional interaction. If a T hasn't really mastered this skill, they can't be much good at their job, can they?

A good T also should have good enough boundaries that I have no real idea if they're a hot mess in their real life. I'm differentiating here between a T whose life is currently a hot mess—we all have complicated lives—and a T who is basically cray in the sense of poor mental health and poor coping skills. The thing is that I'm not sure that a T whose centre of gravity is Hot Mess is going to be able to exude the calm, detached, well-regulated presence and perspective that makes for a good T.

Honestly, when my T has an active issue of some kind (I generally don't ask about the issue and she doesn't generally disclose) it is often apparent to me in session. Her whole demeanour is affected. In my experience of working in a caring profession, when I am seriously depleted or off kilter I also have less to give. If it were my job to sit still and listen to someone attentively for the better part of an hour, I don't think I'd be modelling the calm, patient, detached & nonjudgmental curiosity that is the mainstay of a T's job.

* do you like my made up empirical data? I just mean having a handle on the whole me-issue/you-issue thing is big fat deal.

[ChickenNoodleSoup]

I put I'd prefer that, although I'm not sure that's the correct way of saying it. I think somebody who's got more problems than would not necessarily make a bad T. They could probably relate to some things I talk about more than a sane person. What's important is that they have to appear saner than me in therapy. They have to know their stuff and know how to not make their issues interfere with my therapy. Then everything is fine and I think it doesn't make a huge difference how sane they are.

[88Butterfly88]

Yes, or there's no point. I'm not sane enough to be a t so if my t was like me I'd be in trouble.

[junkDNA]

yes please

[Erebos]

I prefer they have some actual experience of what they are dealing with rather than it all being third hand or theoretical.