[stopdog]

Has a therapist ever told you were one the most intelligent or smartest clients they have been hired by? If so, did you find it manipulative or did you think they were being sincere? Is it the place of a therapist to say such things? Would they even know?

I think they say such things as a way to manipulate clients. I don't think they mean it and I think if they say it to one client, they say to most if not all. Hence misuse of the word most and questionable use of smart or intelligent or whatever X is.

[growlycat]

He has called me Sheldon which I took to mean being a socially awkward know it all. Once he called me scary smart which I don’t agree with. I’m reasonably smart but not the smartest person I know not by a long shot.

Not "the smartest," but they all tell me it's obvious that I'm very intelligent.

[annielovesbacon]

She has never directly compared me to any of her other clients but often says that I am "very self-aware" and her tone sort of implies that she means that in comparison to other clients. I don't know if "self-aware" equates to intelligent or smart. I don't think so.

[unaluna]

Yes, almost every session, but remember this is to counter the messages from my family that im an idiot. My brother had me believing every year in grade school that, even tho i had almost all A's and was the 2nd oldest kid in the class, i would be held back because i was emotionally immature.

[atisketatasket]

Originally Posted by annielovesbacon

She has never directly compared me to any of her other clients but often says that I am "very self-aware" and her tone sort of implies that she means that in comparison to other clients. I don't know if "self-aware" equates to intelligent or smart. I don't think so.

I do think self-awareness requires brains but just as importantly a willingness to look hard at yourself.

It drives me nuts when most therapists comment on my intelligence, because it’s usually phrased like “you’re a very bright woman,” which comes off to me as condescending.

[unaluna]

@@ yeah - "a very bright woman" kinda sounds like "dogs playing poker".

[stopdog]

I think that sort of thing coming from a therapist sounds condescending as well.

[unaluna]

I did call my t on it once, and he countered with, its what he does for a living, as an Ed. D. - he studies and evaluates smartness. Then i was like, oh, okay.

[WarmFuzzySocks]

I voted other. She has said that she likes talking with me because I am so smart. She didn't use comparative language, most intelligent or smarter than other clients. I don't think I'd like that much.

[smallbluefish]

my therapist has never used comparative language either but has alluded to the fact that I am intelligent and thoughtful. I'm actually glad he doesn't outright compare me or call me intelligent though, because that would make me feel like I'm being set against a bar or standard that I have to reach every time even on bad days (even though I don't think my therapist would intentionally do that).

[feralkittymom]

I think if a T said that to me, especially in a comparative way, I'd feel I'd made a mistake choosing them because they clearly aren't smart enough.

[MoxieDoxie]

My current T has said I have a huge capacity for insight. My ex-T would always say I as very smart which now that I think about it he would say that when I related my insight regarding my issues so maybe that is what he meant also about me having huge insight.

[weaverbeaver]

No she hasn’t told me that but if she did I wouldn’t believe her, nor do I think it’s their place to say that to their clients.
I would insist my t not saying anything like that because knowing me for an hour a week does not equate to her knowing anything about me at all and that’s just her opinion, does mean it’s fact!

[CharlieStarDust]

She’s commented that I am intelligent and self aware (this she qualified, that I was more self aware than most).

I never believe anything anyone says to me - but I think she was sincere; mostly Bc I agree. I am hyper aware and relatively intelligent 🤓.

She mentioned these in an assessment context as things that will help me navigate the trademarks of my diagnoses - so I don’t know about her place to say that - but it’s always nice to hear.

[ChickenNoodleSoup]

My T told me that most of his clients would have issues understanding certain concepts or things he explains, while I do not. He also once said that I am very quick in grasping new things. I don't think he was trying to manipulate me or wasn't being honest, since these things overlap very well with my experiences outside of therapy.

[magicalprince]

Huh, yeah every therapist I've seen has called me intelligent. Only one actually said I was more intelligent than other clients. I didn't think it was intended to be manipulative but, sometimes it was a little patronizing (it could be used to minimize difficulties I'm having.)

Both of my Ts commented on my intelligence in different contexts. One of them not only positively but he said things like I use my intellect to mock him and to avoid experiencing things emotionally - both of these were true. Then when we had conflicts, he sometimes said things that felt like an insult to my intelligence, not sure if consciously but I do think he wanted to come back with some kind of revenge.

The other once mentioned it in a context of how he handles clients differently because some (like me, he said) naturally likes to engage and investigate things and with others it's like pulling teeth. And that "of course I like those who engage actively". I really did not like that comment, it was unnecessary to mix other clients and his preference into it.

Either this forum has an unusually high level of unusually intelligent clients or there's a lot of therapists churning out the same chat to clients. It's embarrassing to read actually.

My therapist once observed how emotionally unintelligent I am.

She has told me that I am "very smart" but no comparison to other clients on that one. She does say that I may be the biggest smarta** of her clients though.... I wear that badge with honor.

Originally Posted by long_gone

Either this forum has an unusually high level of unusually intelligent clients or there's a lot of therapists churning out the same chat to clients. It's embarrassing to read actually.

Not sure if therapists generally like to comment on clients' intelligence but I do think there is a bias in this forum, especially among the regular members. I think lots of similarities in cognitive style, people who have done a lot of research on their own and are well-informed, critical thinking and being vocal about it, using information and rationality a lot etc. Of course Ts pick up on it with these clients as well. Intelligence is a very vague term IMO but something that is often applied to the above features.

[velcro003]

no, but i am just average, so it would be weird if she said that to me anyway.

Originally Posted by Xynesthesia

Not sure if therapists generally like to comment on clients' intelligence but I do think there is a bias in this forum, especially among the regular members. I think lots of similarities in cognitive style, people who have done a lot of research on their own and are well-informed, critical thinking and being vocal about it, using information and rationality a lot etc.

I am not convinced that critical thinking and rationality are qualities which would be particularly evident in a therapeutic context where emotion and relationship (essentially subjective) are the focus of the work. It makes sense to me that a therapist could justifiably comment on a client's commitment to the work, on how reflective they are, on their emotional state etc, but to make a comment on intelligence seems misplaced.

If there is a bias on this forum, I think it's more likely to be that active users here are very involved with their therapist and the therapy itself and so are eager to see themselves as the bright young things in the therapy room. I include myself in this, of course. I love it when she thinks I am remarkable, but the grey truth is that I am not and probably neither are many other posters here.

[healinginprogress]

My T has called me smart. She has not done so in direct comparison to other clients. If she tells that to all her clients, why do I care? Intelligence is relative. I doubt she focuses on intelligence for all her clients because I do believe her to be sincere, so I'm sure she finds traits she can compliment and reinforce without the need for exaggeration.

[elisewin]

No, because I am just a regular person with somewhat regular intelligence lol. She has commented on my kindness though and she has not compared that to some other client's kindness .