[weaverbeaver]

I often thought about my t and her shadow side. She often reminds me that we all have shadow sides and how dangerous they are if they go unacknowledged.
My t is very kind and empathic but sometimes she can be very stern and assertive, this side is very frightening as I don’t get to see it very often and I don’t like this side of t.
I was watching 101 dalmations the other day on tv and thought, omg, my t is very much like cruella de vil.
Sometimes I wonder do I just project all of my shadow side onto t because I often project and expect people to be evil and untrustworthy underneath.

Has anybody else contemplated their ts. Shadow side or imagined them as an evil villain? Maybe you have met your ts shadow side, what was it like? Did it scare you?

[stopdog]

I never thought of the woman as anything except an evil villain.
I don't really get the shadow thing -but I have no trouble with the idea that therapists are villainous.

[weaverbeaver]

Originally Posted by stopdog

I never thought of the woman as anything except an evil villain.

I don't really get the shadow thing -but I have no trouble with the idea that therapists are villainous.

I think all of them are villainous too and it’s dangerous cos they don’t acknowledge that side.
What kind of a villain is your t stopdog?

[stopdog]

garden variety

[velcro003]

My T has mentioned her shadow side (and mine, and every humans') a few times. I am wary in actually believing her, but for her, all it means is the "dark" side of humanity that everyone has. I know I do.

[Anastasia~]

I met my previousT's shadow side and have regretted it ever since.

[Echos Myron redux]

I wasn't going to recommend this on here so I PMed you, but just in case it's useful to anyone else, here's a good book on the counsellor's shadow side https://www.amazon.co.uk/Shadow-Coun.../dp/0415131456

[weaverbeaver]

Originally Posted by velcro003

My T has mentioned her shadow side (and mine, and every humans') a few times. I am wary in actually believing her, but for her, all it means is the "dark" side of humanity that everyone has. I know I do.

It’s very scary to think we all have a darker side but history shows us time and time again that humanity does and we act on it too.

[weaverbeaver]

Originally Posted by Anastasia~

I met my previousT's shadow side and have regretted it ever since.

It doesn’t sound like a pleasant experience

[weaverbeaver]

Originally Posted by Echos Myron (again)

I wasn't going to recommend this on here so I PMed you, but just in case it's useful to anyone else, here's a good book on the counsellor's shadow side https://www.amazon.co.uk/Shadow-Coun.../dp/0415131456

Thanks for the recommendation Echoes. I am ordering that today!

[Erebos]

Pretty much convinced that's why therapists do what they do,they enjoy dabbling in the dark side of humanity.
Don't believe for one moment they are in this for the greater good.

I don't think shadow /unconscious material has to be dangerous.
But it can feel as if we're not in charge of our life in any meaningful way of we don't try and access it.
My T's had yrs of her own analysis in her own training so I'm sure she got a, handle on that.
I'm not suspicious that she's anything other than what she is in the room. What she hasn't accessed she certainly stops and thinks about what might be going on for her in the shadow/unconscious .
Thsts the best any of us can hope to do.

[healinginprogress]

This isn't something I've heard of but it sounds interesting. I'll have to research it more before I can really say.

[SalingerEsme]

I wonder if my T has a shadow side, or is just fake most of the time, and let's his mask fall here and there. He might just not care, and pretend to, or he might be genuinely engaged most of the time, and here and there let his shadow side show. Either way, it lessens my trust in him, and my capacity to relax and see him as on my side like he says he is. I could easily see this as me projecting some unclaimed anger onto him instead of owning it too. It is a muddle to me what really goes on, and I am going through an exhausted phase never knowing who my T is, who I am talking to and who is shaping my neuropsychology. I read an article saying patients become more like their T's over time bc of brain science. I would think this would mean we should know what we are signing u to be like, but no , lol.

[TeaVicar?]

Everyone has darker, more uncomfortable aspects to their personality... hopefully, otherwise we would all be very dull! Another reason why a therapist needs to do his/her own therapy and have good supervision.

I also think their darker aspects can fit into our fearful projections. For instance, those who experienced a sadistic parent as a child might experience a slightly sadistic therapist. Is it just our projections or are we tapping into something inside them? I think it's a bit of both. A good T will be able to keep this in check and be able to think about it. A bad therapist will act out on it.

[Teddy Bear]

I have never thought my T has a dark side.

[Salmon77]

I never heard the term "shadow side" before. But I believe that every human being has violent, selfish, etc. feelings which they suppress (more or less) in order to get along in society. So of course my T does, too. It doesn't mean he's evil or faking any more than anybody else.

[mcl6136]

I had a run-in with my Ts darker shadow side. It happened when I started to tackle relationship issues in therapy. I'm still unsure whether working on this issue will "work" with her.

Although my therapy remains useful, I'm no longer really sure whether we are the right combination for me to tackle this key issue in my life.

So I would say that her shadow side -- and my own legacy of childhood issues -- may make forward progress impossible.

I really believe that she has a significant blind spot when it comes to single straight women and what we face in the world of dating. She does not live there and for some reason, her shadow side prevents her from feeling empathy for me in regards to this.

I don't know where this is going to end, but I can feel the r/s winding down.

[fille_folle]

My T says she's not always the nicest to everybody. My T isn't really warm and fuzzy most of the time, so I can see that might be true and that is ok. I'm not a very nice person all the time, either.

[weaverbeaver]

It’s impossible to be nice all of the time and unnatural- well that’s just my opinion!

[weaverbeaver]

Originally Posted by mcl6136

I had a run-in with my Ts darker shadow side. It happened when I started to tackle relationship issues in therapy. I'm still unsure whether working on this issue will "work" with her.


Although my therapy remains useful, I'm no longer really sure whether we are the right combination for me to tackle this key issue in my life.


So I would say that her shadow side -- and my own legacy of childhood issues -- may make forward progress impossible.


I really believe that she has a significant blind spot when it comes to single straight women and what we face in the world of dating. She does not live there and for some reason, her shadow side prevents her from feeling empathy for me in regards to this.


I don't know where this is going to end, but I can feel the r/s winding down.

Oh this sounds so hard
My t has reacted similar to my r/s woes, she really doesn’t understand and gets quite frustrated with me.

It’s interesting that you can clearly see your ts blindspot. Did you ever bring them up with her? Maybe your t has had some past issues with this herself that she has t fully worked through or integrated yet.

My t gets very jealous at times and it blinds her. She usually blames countertransference but that’s just feeling towards me, her shadow side can be quite grimacing and destructive to our relationship.
I wonder will you be able to repair this but it doesn’t sound like your t is very open to working on it and even that is telling you something. Perhaps her ego gets in the way- it does with my t anyway.

[stopdog]

One would think it possible for a professional to manage for 50 minutes at a time - particularly where the client is paying them and has no real bearing on the therapist's real life.

[mcl6136]

Originally Posted by weaverbeaver

Oh this sounds so hard
My t has reacted similar to my r/s woes, she really doesn’t understand and gets quite frustrated with me.

It’s interesting that you can clearly see your ts blindspot. Did you ever bring them up with her? Maybe your t has had some past issues with this herself that she has t fully worked through or integrated yet.

My t gets very jealous at times and it blinds her. She usually blames countertransference but that’s just feeling towards me, her shadow side can be quite grimacing and destructive to our relationship.
I wonder will you be able to repair this but it doesn’t sound like your t is very open to working on it and even that is telling you something. Perhaps her ego gets in the way- it does with my t anyway.

Thank you...it really is a disappointment. I did bring it up with her and she and I had a kind of repair job but as I continue to work through this issue, she has become less and less effective. I think she doesn't have a shred of sympathy for what I am going through. She is kind of a "smug married" actually.

Again, thank you.

[fille_folle]

Originally Posted by weaverbeaver

It’s impossible to be nice all of the time and unnatural- well that’s just my opinion!

Well, I think it was more a way of saying she has a tendency to not be the nicest, rather than that not being the nicest is some sort of exception.

[weaverbeaver]

Originally Posted by stopdog

One would think it possible for a professional to manage for 50 minutes at a time - particularly where the client is paying them and has no real bearing on the therapist's real life.

Exactly, isn’t it part of their training to bracket their own stuff to be present with clients but to be present requires awareness which as far I can see they don’t have!