Your t and their shadow side

Hmmm, now this is interesting! I think that there could be a bit of both happening a sort of dual process. Our own projections and the therapists unconscious motives or desires.
I often think I am reacting to what is happening in the present with my t but she often says I am projecting all of my abusers into her.
It’s good that she names what’s happening for her but at the same time she is just blaming me and not looking at her part in the process- what is it in me that brings out that part of her.

I think there has to be a "survival" reason of some sort for the Cruella de Vil response pattern, archtype, or whatever you want to call it. I think a lot of us have it. I can see it in myself. I worked very hard to try to do that, and I can now also more easily see it in others, too. Without necessarily freaking out.

I would like a world where we could each say to each other "Oh, your Cruella seems to be showing." And the other person could say, "Oh, gee golly whiz! I think you could be right." Or something like that.

Alternatively, one might say "I feel a Cruella attitude going on in me today. I must be feeling hurt or angry about something but I'm not sure exactly what."

I think that might be a more realistic way of dealing with the "Cruella" response/archetype rather than pushing it down in the personal and cultural shadow all the time. It affects T's as well as clients. It's not pleasant, can be hurtful, and . . .then what?

I can empathise. When I brought up some behaviour patterns in my T, which I experienced as very painful (he would be warm and kind one week, then cold and distant the next), he would reflect back to my experiences as a child. I found it maddening because I knew it wasn't just me. It feels like gaslighting but I don't think it was ever intentionally covert. I think that I am very sensitive to his reactions to me and I think what was happening was definitely a mix of both of us. I wish they could be more open and honest about the part they play because I really did feel as though I was going mad.

In what way does your T think you are projecting your abusers onto her?

She thinks that when I see her getting angry at me that I am really seeing my mother and that when she shouts or raises her voice that I freeze up and see the angry man that abused me.
I try to tell her that’s not the case and really she is getting angry and frustrated at me!

WB-
That must be difficult and frustrating. She shouts at you? What does she say after you tell her you think she is angry, how does she respond out of curiousity?

I don’t think she actually means it. Usually she will apologise and blame her anger on counter transference but the odd time she has denied she is angry and says I am projecting onto her.

I’m not sure of the definition of “shadow side.”

If you find others to be “evil and untrustworthy underneath,” the “shadow side” projected onto your therapist would be “evil and untrustworthy,” maybe?

If you find your therapist to be ‘cruel’ and you see your therapist as “an evil villain,” I reserve evil as a greater harm. Not in the guise of anything that is less than vivisection, though that may be getting off lightly.